Loki and Sigyn, His Glorious Purpose

Chapter Seventy-One

THOR'S POINT OF VIEW
I was more than a failure if that was even possible. I was an idiot too. Every decision I had made in the last two months ended up in complete disarray. Asgard now no longer existed and my people were no more than refugees on a foreign planet. And worse yet, most if not all of them were grieving the loss of a friend or family member whether be by the blip or the massacre on the Ark. Either way, the souls of Asgard were in ruins and I had nothing to show for it. All my efforts to prevent this were fruitless. 

I had thought killing the man responsible for all of this would have amended my guilt. But I now knew that was just another failure on the list. Killing Thanos did nothing. If anything, it just made things worse. Now, we were devoid of any information regarding recovering the stones and my clothes were stained with that Titan's foul purple blood. I had nothing to show for his slaughter. I was still a failure.

I wanted nothing more to just return home but home no longer existed. So, I went to the best next thing-Norway. I had been there so many times before to mess with the midgardians that had worshipped us or to delight in their praises. But now, the land held a much more somber tone. I had been here last to watch my father die. Norway held the few remaining fragments of my father's life force, I could feel it in the air and in the way the waves crashed along the shoreline with the force of a stampede. The land was strong and beautiful, perhaps it had the potential to be the New Asgard.

Upon landing on Norway's frozen earth, I expected to have solace and the ability to shield away from the people I had failed. The last thing I wanted to do was face those whose lives I'd ruined. But, like everything else as of late-I didn't get what I wanted.

As I landed, Sigyn stood before me. She was dressed simply and purely dressed in Midgardian clothing. Sigyn looked so different from the last time I saw her. Her hair that had once fallen bellow her waist was now cut short just below her shoulders, no longer was it golden blonde but it had a muddy hue. Her face was scarred, now fully healed but still bearing the marks of Hela's torture. But the biggest change of all was her eyes. Before, they had been so clearly brown, doeish and warm. Now, they were an icy blue that pierced your soul like daggers. Upon meeting her eyes, I immediately crumbled.

"Sigyn," I managed, doing everything in my power to hold back tears as I sunk to my knees. Her warm hand met my head, gently stroking my hair as I groveled at her feet.

"I'm so so sorry, I've failed Asgard. I failed you," I choked, doing my best to steady myself by gripping her ankles. I wanted her to be angry at me, tell me all that I had done wrong. I wanted Sigyn to give her payback for my destroying of her home, her life, and her husband. I had taken Sigyn's entire life and turned it upside down. This woman, the perfect standard of Asgardian beauty and strength was no reduced to no more than a refugee. The bride of my brother and mother of our heir was now on earth, humble and far from the honor she deserved. I wanted Sigyn's full retribution for this failure to her honor. But, she didn't show an ounce of her anger. In fact, she was peaceful.

"Shh," she cooed gently, tipping my head up with her finger. A small smile brimmed her lips as she looked down on me.

"This isn't all your fault, Thor," she explained softly, "You can't blame yourself for the fate of the entire universe. You're just one man, one god, you couldn't have saved us all."

I shook my head as she gently wiped my tears, "But-but Loki, I could have done something but I just stood there."

She squeezed her eyes shut, inhaling sharply as I said my brother's name.

"If you're at fault for his death then I am too," Sigyn said quietly, her voice somewhat shaky as she continued, "It was supposed to be me, you know. I was supposed to be the one who died on that ship. We had a plan but...here I am."

I blinked away my tears as I looked up at her and stammered, "No, Sigyn, no one was supposed to die. I should have-I could have saved everyone. But I didn't."

She shook her head, "There was no way, Thor. You have to know that. If you continue to live with the weight of this guilt on your shoulders, you'll never be able to rectify what's happened," she said.

"But I am guilty, of all of this."

"Even if you are," she said shrugging lightly, "It doesn't matter. No one is here to punish you. No one cares what you feel you're guilty of. Those who did survive are just grateful to be able to see another day. The only person mad at you is yourself."

"You're not angry at me?" I asked, still kneeling in front of her.

She simply shook her head as she looked down at me. I could tell she was genuine. Sigyn was obviously in grief, her heartbreak was very apparent. She was sad, of course, but her grief was healthy and true. Sigyn's heart was aching, you could nearly feel her pain. But she was far from angry. Somehow, she was through with denying her losses, she was even past the anger and depression of it all. Sigyn wasn't bargaining for the parts of herself she had lost. She was somehow accepting it all with a heavy heart. 

"I'm not angry," she said softly.

Her voice was so warm, so welcoming, and genuine. I believed every word she said. For some reason, under Sigyn's warm touch and with her voice lingering over me, I felt peace for the first time in months. She was the first comfort I had felt in such a long time.

She took my hand, pulling me up from the ground with a small, kind smile. 

"There's no need to kneel for me," Sigyn said softly, brushing off grass and dirt from my clothes.

As I looked down at Sigyn, I was overwhelmed with emotions. In the morning light, she seemed to glow. Her skin was freckled with specks of gold that reflected in the sun's warmth. Her icy blue eyes met mine with sharp accuracy, piercing my heart intensely. Stricken with grief and guilt, I found myself standing in front of beauty for the first time in a long time. My heart caught in my throat and suddenly, I could hardly control myself. I took Sigyn by her tiny waist and tipped up her head with my other hand, kissing her in a heat of conflicting emotions. 

I hoped to God at that moment, ghosts weren't real. If they were, I was sure my brother would come to haunt me or to kill me. But perhaps that's what I truly wanted, some sort of punishment for my atrocities. Yet, as I felt her soft lips against my own I felt as though something in the universe was made right. My heart beat out of my chest, I felt awful but so alive at the same time.