The Quotes Book

20

1'holy frickle frackle fuck muffins what the fucking shit'

Welp. We made it. Welcome to chapter 20 of 'funny things my friends have said out of context'. It's been a wild ride. What with people with raccoons or octopuses up their arse, insomniacs, people snorting or reverse snorting food and so much more.

Anyways here's another chapter, and enjoy your day *sends Internet huggles*

1' just yeeting the fear nuggets into the feelings box'

1'are demons furries?'
2'maybe not all of them but the ones that have more Goat Man features probably could be classed as real life furries'
3'but demons aren't real so they're not, and I quote "real life furries'
2'demons are real and they are furries'

1' they killed their past self-'
2'actually I was just a split off alter from the original host who gave me their memories and fucking left just before we transitioned into highschool leaving me with the memories and the job of host and they were just hiding in forgotten childhood memories until we found them trapped in a cage in the headspace. So my past self wasn't dead they were just in hiding and I didn't even realise that we were two different people, but actually it makes a lot of sense'

1'i think you're insane'
2'well no fucking shit sherlock, I'm fucking insane. Thanks for noticing, dumbass'

1'are you horny or just incredibly uncomfortable?'
2'i don't know and I don't want to know, let's just watch the fucking movie'

1'i don't want to watch dragonflies fuck, now exuse me while I read some kinky shit on wattpad'

1'i feel like a really gay doctor who'

1'no, I'm not making fun if your stack, I'm bragging about my stack. Completely different things'

1'i miss Edward The Sea Snail. I got emotionally attached to a snail and now that he finally left my bucket I'm sad...'

1' you're outnumbered, you've been outvoted, even if the abstainers were to join your side, we would still win. We're reading fanfiction'

1' you know... You confuse me sometimes'
2' BITCH I CONFUSE ME!'

1' they said "UwU"! we can trust them!'

1' ah fuck, shit, shit, fuck, shit, fucking crap, you fucking bitch, peice of shit, fucking bastard, stupid cunt, you fucking asshole that fucking hurt, ah fuck, shit-'
2'you done?'
1'yeah lmao'

1' oh no'
2'what?'
1'THEY GOT THE BRAZILIANS'

1' you've heard of Netflix and chill, now get ready for insomnia and coping mechanisms'

1' alright now its half 1, time to sleep. You promised. We literally made a deal'
2'actually I still have 6 more minutes and my eyelid aren't forcing themselves down with the force of 5 Minecraft anvils, therefore meaning I don't have to- *YAWN* therefore I don't have to do shit'
1'go to sleep'
2'ok'

1*singing Dead Girl In The Pool by Girl In Red* 'I'm the dead girl in the pool, I'm the dead girl in the po-'
2*in tune* 'I'M THE SAD BITCH IN THEIR ROOM I'M THE SAD BITCH IN THEIR ROOM'

1' haha pathetic'
2'youre talking about your last self'
1'i was and still am pathetic'

1'when the app about fanfiction says you're upvoting too many fanfictions, you know that you've read to many fanfictions'
2'when you voices in you head tell you that you're mentally fucked, you know that you need therapy'
3'when your hallucinations tell you to drink water, you know that you're dehydrated'
4'whem the voices in you head start listing some of your problems and things that have told us about them, you know that you have some serious issues'

1'the feet are in the barn'

1' is it just a Canadian superpower to draw a perfect leaf?'

1'ching! New coping mechanism unlocked!'

1' when I was younger my average time to go to sleep was about 7PM. Now look at me! It's 4AM and I'm discussing my sleeping habits with a hallucination!'

1'I WILL STAB YOU IN THE FACE WITH A RACOON'

1' fuck gender binary!'
1'wait I'm bisexual... I do fuck gender binary. And gender non binary'
1'wait what am I talking about? I'm dumb, ugly, gay, and very mentally ill, I don't fuck anyone'
1'its half one in the morning, I'm playing with figit toys, eating a sharer pack of spicy doritos and talking to myself about my non existent love life... What the fuck has my life come to'
2'haha ur gay'
1'yes, we've established that, thank you for your input'
2'thank you, I do try'
1'i know you do'
3'ITS HALF ONE, GO TO SLEEP'

1'i want to eat the aged paper'

1'I'm eating an orange'
2'cool'
1'it tastes orange'
2'k'
1' we're talking about orange now, no other colours exist'
2'but purple... And blue'
1'no. Orange'
2'ok then'
1'do you like orange?'
2'yes'
1'i don't'
2'oh'
2'ok'
1'bye'
2'bye'

1'i still can't believe you got an emotional attachment to a fly...'
2*crying*'HE WAS ADORABLE OK? HE WAS ADORABLE JUST SUTTING THERE, CLEANING HIS ANTENNEA! HE SAT ON MY KEYBOARD, WE WATCHED DEADPOOL TOGETHER, I NAMED HIM SIMON, AND EVENTUALLY HE SAT ON MY HEADPHONES! I'M SORRY THAR I'M SO LONELY I MADE FRIENDS WITH A FLY'

1'i want to repeatedly stab whoever made this advert. I want to stab them and them watch as the light leaves their eyes and they fade into the afterlife'
2'i think that's called "being mentally unstable'
3'i think that's called being mentally fucked'
4'when the voices in you head argue about you being mentally fucked, you know you're fucked'
5'this is over an advert that interrupted a fanfiction...'

1'im having a bisexual panic over all of your drawings'

1'we would never build a straight person'

1'how about we just skip biology?'
2'how about you get an education?'
1'HOW ABOUT YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF'

1'bella is sitting in your unborn'