The Quotes Book

47

1'hello my name is MatPat and welcome to game theory, today we'll be discussing Jesus Christ'

1'whos stuck in the vending machine?'
2'obi-wan Kenobi'
3'he would totally save me from a washing machine'

1'we solved bullying by telling them we're a cult'
2'we are absolutely a cult'

1'YOURE DYING OF NON-VAMPIRISM FOOL!'
2'YOURE DYING OF MY MU- WAIT NO!'

1'OH MY GOD IS THAT NIKO AVOCADO?'
2'No it’s Obi-wan-Kenobi'
1'oh... why is he in there?'
2'because he is stuck in the vending machine'
3'HELP ME STEP-JEDI I SEEM TO BE STUCK IN THE JEDI-MACHINE!'

1'bottle cap'
2'cum'

1'im in so much pain'
2'oh girlboss'

1'weve given you so much quote juice and you havent drank it'
2'scrote juice'

1'shiny mother'
2'that sounds like a sex joke'

1'i thought you said I dont like Schindler's list, I prefer monsters'

1'can we just download his consciousness into the quotes book'

1'you have insulted me'
2'go to mayonnaise'

1'dis is a wobewwy, put tha ovewies in da bag'

1'you are a bowel bear'

1'is that me?'
2'thats an eyebrow'
1'yeah, I'm actually an eyebrow, look, I'll draw me'
2'thats a croissant'
1'youre a croissant'

1'my head hurts'
2'which one? I'll hit the other so both of them hurt'
1'i only have one head'
2'oh yeah, sometimes I forget that people dont have multiple heads'

1'i had a dream a while ago, you were all there and then you died'
2'imagine if I was being eaten by a titan and I was just flipping you off while being put in its mouth'

1'are you high? I think you might be high'
2*in a sarcastic tone* 'yes, well done, you guessed it!'

1'youre a genius!'
2'im going to cry I'm that happy, thank you so much!'
3'I dont even know my 3 times table'

1'hey, can you help us?'
2'how did you figure out this one?'
3'I cant math'

1'here, have a ball of shredded paper'
2'thsnk you, I appreciate it'
3*having a panic attack in the background*

1'this is proof that you are a chair'
2'oh. Ok'
3'anything can be seen as a chair if you can sit on it. wait-'

1*crawling out from underneath a table like a horror creature'
1'i hear homosexuality'

1'ah yes, the two genders. Gay, and maths homework'

1'i think you can legally eat your cat'
2'define cat'

1'i just biphobiad myself'