Suffering Part 2

Highly Uncomfortable

After finally getting to their cold breakfast, the two got ready to take a walk to the lake. “I think we should bring him. He’s never seen the lake,” she mentioned, looking down at Alfie. “He was at our wedding,” Severus responded in confusion. 

“Oh, Merlin..he was. I still can’t remember anything. My brain is all jumbled,” she remarked as picked up the little silky black cat. “I’m not carrying him back,” Severus announced as they walked out the front door. 

“Is my brain just permanently jumbled now? I honestly can’t even concentrate,” she admitted. Severus was quiet for a moment, “I’m not entirely sure to be honest. It’s possible when the memory was taken something was botched.” 

Y/N just looked at Severus with a million questions that were suddenly popping into her head. “Is it possible this will get worse? Like I start losing memories or something?” she asked him, stopping dead in her tracks. 

Severus just turned to look at her softly, “I don’t know, Princess. It’s something I’ve been thinking about. I haven’t heard of anything like this happening from taking a memory,” he remarked. “Well.. alright. That is unnerving,” she remarked as she started walking towards him. 

“I’m not exactly sure what he did wrong. There was a blip of a memory from that night but the rest is gone. If you don’t want to talk about this it’s ok. I had some questions about him,” Severus spoke softly as they walked. 

“What sort of questions?” she asked hesitantly.  “Well, do you know where he was from, originally? Any background information that you might remember?,” he asked curiously. 

“All he said was a village in Ireland. He didn’t seem too excited to talk about it so I didn’t pry. Cillian Murphy, 25, likes to drink, stays at the Inn. He told me he was gay but I’m not sure how much of that is 100% true now. I think he worked for a farmer near the village,” she recounted everything she could remember about him.

 “Family?” he asked curiously. “None to speak of, only child, deceased parents,” she answered. 

After a moment, Y/N questioned, “What does all that have to do with him taking a memory?” Severus looked down at her thoughtfully, “I’m just trying to get all the information I can. I’m considering contacting Dumbledore. I need to consult with him on this,” Severus remarked solemnly. 

“You know where he is?” Y/N said in a surprised voice as she reached out for Severus’ arm softly. “I am only 1 of 2 people who know,” he remarked. “Are you worried about this situation? Should I be worried?” she asked him. 

“I don’t know, Princess. We will find a solution or perhaps it will just improve on its own. I honestly couldn’t say at this point,” Severus tried to reassure her. “Oh well, now that’s all I can think about,” she responded as they kept walking. 

Tons of questions were running through her mind as they walked to the lake. She was positive Severus could hear it but she couldn’t calm herself. “What if I forget who I am or forget you?” she asked as tears started welling up in her eyes.

 “It won’t come to that, Princess. We will get this figured out. Perhaps, I should take a trip to see Dumbledore. It would take me a couple of days most likely. I would have to be able to trust that you will take care of yourself,” he spoke softly, wrapping his arms around the young woman and her cat she had been carrying. 

 “I suppose I could go to the cottage. I could invite Pansy, and the others over to hang out. That would keep my mind off of this,” she remarked. 

“That actually sounds like a good idea. What about your birthday though? I will miss it,” he questioned. Y/N thought for a second, “Oh right, we could do that when you get back,” she replied.

 “What day is your birthday?” he asked cautiously. “It’s on Monday, June 15th,” she announced uneasily. “Just checking,” he responded softly. 

They sat at the lake for a bit enjoying the peaceful view. “What will you tell Dumbedore? You had a fight with your wife and she slept in some other mans bed, he made an advance on her and then took the memory, and now is forgetting things?” she asked in horror. 

Severus said hesitantly, “That about sums it up, I suppose. How would you feel if I had gotten upset with you, and slept in another woman's bed? We are just friends of course, but I held her all night. I’m just curious as to how you would handle that situation, Princess,” he asked in the most condescending voice. “I heard nothing after you said you were in another woman's bed,” she answered honestly. 

Severus just looked over at her, “Exactly my point. All I heard was that you were in his bed. I know you were upset, I understand that. It is still hard to get past,” he admitted. 

“Honestly, I would be very upset with you. You have every right, Severus..Daddy.. I don’t know which is best for this conversation. I wasn’t thinking about anyone but myself. It was disgusting honestly. I should not have been there in the first place. I should have just grabbed you from the Malfoys and taken you back with me so we could talk. What I did was wrong. I will regret that night for a very long time I’m sure,” she admitted honestly, doing her best to make eye contact. 

“Do you remember when I said you were pathetic and how much it hurt? When you slept in his bed, knowing I was insecure about that relationship, it hurt very much. I’m doing my best to get past this, it’s just hard sometimes. A piece of me is still angry about it and I have to keep myself from not taking it out on you,” he remarked sorrowfully. 

Y/N just sighed deeply looking out onto the lake as she held Alfie, “This is a highly uncomfortable conversation. Just the whole thing, ugh. I hate who I was that day. I feel like it’s going to be harder to get past now since we don’t know what is going on with me,” she admitted.

“A piece of me is scared that you just actually want freedom to sleep with other people. My mind is telling me that’s what that day was about,” he admitted looking over at her.

 “That couldn’t be further from the truth. I was just so hurt when you turned me down. I wanted someone, anyone to want me, I guess. I felt rejected. One second I’m sucking your cock and the next you are getting dressed and leaving. You have never done anything like that to me. I’ve never felt unwanted by you,” she said, still looking at the lake, trying to choke down her own tears. 

“I apologize for making you feel that way. Part of me felt like you were just trying to manipulate me into having sex with you, then you were going to force me to leave alone. I didn’t want that. I want you, in our bed, every night and morning. I want to eat meals with you, answer your silly little questions no matter how annoying they are. I don’t want to live in one place and you live in another. It tears me up every time you force me to do that,” he said softly as he wrapped his arm around Y/N to bring her closer to him. 

Y/N snuggled into his chest while Alfie laid asleep on her lap. “That was a lot of.. Feelings.. Highly uncomfortable if I do say so,” she remarked with a chuckle. Severus chuckled in answer, “Highly uncomfortable.”