Diving Deep (requests closed)

Yandereish!Ciel - Let Me Feel

Dark themes. This is a Depressed!Reader story, with hints of suicidal feelings/thoughts. If you don't feel comfortable reading this theme type, please ignore this oneshot and wait for the next. Ciel is somewhere between Yandere and protective/possessive. This was a special request from a reader and I can only hope I meet their expectations with this.

I'm hiding behind my smile, plastering fake cheer on my face so that the people around me can't see the truth. Because who would want to know how I really feel? If they really cared, they would bother looking a little closer, seeing that the smiles never reached my eyes. But I guess the fact that nobody noticed, showed how little I meant to them.

Rubbing my wrist, I tried to ignore the whisper in the back of my mind telling me it would help. Because it wasn't enough anymore... The relief was so short lived lately, it was like taking a single sip of water to sooth a parched throat. It soothed for a moment before the thirst was back, feeling worse than before.

Nothing I tried seemed to be able to lift me back up again... Every day I was feeling more and more numb to the world around me, nothing left but the hopelessness that weighed me down, left me wondering why I was even trying anymore. I couldn't even enjoy the feeling of the sun warming my skin or the sweet fragrance of the flowers that were blooming this spring.

Shuffling almost hopelessly down the street, I couldn't help but wonder if the numbness I felt inside would spread to my body someday. Would I become so numb to everything, I wouldn't even feel it anymore when I got hurt?

That might not be such a bad thing, but surely they would just find new ways to torment me. After all, that's all I was good for, making them feel better by making me feel worse. Right?

Stepping into the road, I didn't hear the shouts of the people around me, hadn't heard the sound of a carriage clattering down the roads, the hooves loud to everyone except me as I sank deeper into the darkness of my thoughts. It was the shock of something impacting with my body that woke me, pain rushing through me as I was suddenly pushed out of the way of the horses path.

Being set on my feet, I could barely hear the person in front of me shouting, his angry expression more easy to understand than the muffled words that my brain refused to comprehend. Of course, it didn't matter once everything faded to black and I began falling to the ground unconscious.

If not for the arms that reached out, catching me, I'm sure I would have sustained even more injuries than I had already.

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It was dark when I finally woke up, my body feeling battered and weak. The unfamiliar surroundings would have caused worry for most, but I could barely force myself to care. Blinking my eyes slowly, I reached up one hand and looked at it, eyes growing wide when I noticed the bandages that wrapped my wrist.

Looking down, I saw similar wrappings on that arm, but not stopping at just the wrist. Instead, the whole arm was wrapped in soft cotton, from shoulder to halfway down my hand.

"You broke your arm, I'm afraid. Although, it was what we found while checking your wounds that has bouchan worried most. Care to explain the wounds? And not just the cuts, the other wounds too please." The voice from the dark corner of the room sounded like there was no room for me to refuse an answer.

"Why do you care? You don't even know me." I turned my head slowly away from the butler that was watching me from the shadows.

"You're right, I don't know you. And to be honest, I don't care. However, the young Lord does seem to care, for whatever reason he has found." I'd expected the first part of the answer, just not the rest.