Healing Love (BxBxMxM)

Chapter 29: Thoughts

And here we go! Aspen gets unwelcome thoughts. . .

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Shivering, I continued deeper into the familiar forest, I trusted this one, I knew this one.

But no matter how far into the tree covered land I walked, I couldn't get the white stag and it's eerie forest out of my mind.

What was that place? And those trees. . .They felt important. . .But why?

Sighing tiredly, I sat down at the base of a pine tree, It's eternally green branches shielding me from the wind that managed to just barely get into the woods.

Maybe I'm just going crazy. . .

A bitter chuckle left my lips at that thought.

Look at me. . . An Insane suicidal loser. . .Boy. . .God must be so ashamed of me. . .

I felt a bitter fragile smile forming on my face even as my eyes stung, Warm tears starting to trail down my cold face.

I wiped at my eyes with my shirt sleeve, The bitter laugh turning into a choked sob.

Not even an all loving god could love me. . .

Inhaling, I raised my head, My vision blurry as I looked around at the forest.

Maybe I should do something about this. . .Fix everything. . .

The thoughts I had been repressing started to drain at my brain like a small plant sapping at the strength of a larger one.

There's a bridge not too far from here. . .Maybe. . .Maybe I should. . .

The world seemed to slowly distance itself from me with each second that passed.

And just like that, I became a visitor in my own body in a way.

Numbly, I watched as I got up, Crawling out from under the tree, The fallen needles digging painfully into the skin on my palms.

However, Even that didn't draw me out of my apathetic daze.

I knew what I had to do, I was never supposed to cause this much distress for others, I was never supposed to be such a burden.

I'll fix this. . .

I should have died a long time ago, Then things would be right.

My parents would still be together, Maybe they'd even finally be happy without me there to burden them.

My speed picked up a bit, The tree branches that scraped at my skin like hands trying to stop me didn't even faze me as I continued to trek numbly through the woods.

Emory wouldn't be burdened with having to care for me. . .

I could faintly hear the echo of cars going under a bridge from where I was.

Channing wouldn't have to see my mark ruining the other ones anymore. . .

I squinted my eyes slightly as I stepped out into the sunlight, Only a few trees remained between me and the side of the road.

Before I could take another step, A loud jarring caw shattered the numb static that had taken over my brain.

I blinked slowly a few times, The cawing continuing, A few more voices joining in now.

Tilting my head back, I looked up at the branches above me.

Crows were gathering above, Screaming at me as if they were scolding me for the thoughts that had echoed around in my head.

I slowly took a step back, A feeling of dread replacing the numbness from before.

The crows continued to caw at me, More of them gathering in the trees above, Their voices echoing around off the trees until I couldn't take it anymore.

Turning around, I dashed back into the woods, Running further away from the cawing crows until I could no longer hear their voices echoing.

Panting quietly, I sat down on the forest floor, Catching my breath as I looked around nervously.

Where am I?

The trees and plants around me no longer looked familiar.

I could feel my heart sink slightly as a gust of wind managed to get past the mostly leaf-less trees, It's chill making me shiver slightly.

Better climb a tree and see if I can't find any clear land marks. . .

Sighing, A large part of me didn't want to, I just wanted to curl up on the ground and let myself freeze to death.

However, The annoyingly persistent small part of my mind kept me move over to the nearest tree.

Slowly, I climbed up one of the tall trees, It's branches scratched at my head and face as I climbed, However, The cold wind soon numbed the sting.

After a while, I was high enough to see over the tree tops.

There's my parent's house. . .

I stayed up there for a little while until I noticed, The sun was starting to set and the wind was getting even colder.

Sighing dejectedly, I started to climb down the tree slowly, Shivering the whole time.

--- Time skip ---

I sat down at the front door to my parent's house, Shivering as I watched the bright fiery colors of the sunset reflecting off of the neighbor's windows.

I let out a defeated sigh.

I fucked up killing myself again. . .

I could feel warm tears forming in my eyes.

Stupid. So so stupid. . .

I scrubbed roughly at my eyes with my shirt sleeve as I heard a car roll to a stop in front of the house.

I kept my eyes trained on the ground, Shame filling me as more tears gathered in my eyes.

The sound of footsteps hurriedly approaching me made me freeze slightly, My hands clenching into fists at my sides as I tried to force back my tears.

I flinched slightly as the man, Emory, Grabbed my arm as soon as he crouched down next to me.

My eyes snapped up to his, Confusion and panic filling me ay his firm grip.

Instead of looking at me, He grabbed my shirt sleeve and rolled them up to my elbows.

What?

He repeated the same action with my other arm, Confusing me further until it hit me.

Oh. . .He's checking to see if I tried to slit my wrists again. . .

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So, Emory is worried, Rightfully so, Any guesses how he's gonna deal with the whole 'Skipping school' thing?

Anyways! Like always, Have a good day/night and find a better book! - fallen