Healing Love (BxBxMxM)

Chapter 19: Guilt

And lots of negative feelings. . .

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Home was hellish.

Sure it was better than normal, I didn't get beat, Instead, My dad made sure to talk down to me the whole time.

It's not like I wasn't used to it, He tended to treat me like I was somehow lesser than him.

In a way I am. . .

However, That wasn't how he treated me when we got back. . . Instead, He made sure I knew how badly I hurt our family by trying to off myself.

He had stressed the point the whole time that I was ripping apart a perfectly good family, That what I had done could bring bad attention to our family.

I let out a shuddering sigh, Curling up tighter on my cold hard bedroom floor, Trying to stay warm without a blanket to warm me.

That was another thing he did, He removed everything from my room, Saying something along the lines of 'If you're too selfish to stay alive for your family's sake than I'll just have to make sure you stay alive.'.

He's not wrong. . . I was being selfish. . . So many people go though so much worse. . . I'm just being spoiled. . .

I could feel warm tears forming in my eyes as I shivered on the cold hardwood bedroom floor.

I should just be grateful for what I have. . .

Wrapping my arms around myself, I tried to ignore the ache in my chest as I forced my brain to retreat back into itself, Far away from the cold room I was in.

I just gotta deal with it. . . I just have to suck it up. . .

After a long while of shivering, My mind finally drifted off to sleep, Far too tired and exhausted from the day to say awake much longer.

--- Time skip ---

I had been woken up that morning by dad tossing cold water onto my already cold body.

Shivering, My teeth chattered slightly as I stared up at my dad.

''There's your shower boy. Now get dressed.'' He snapped, Tossing my thinnest shirt at me as well as a change of underwear and pants.

I didn't say anything as I tugged the now soaked shirt over my head, My skin ever so slightly blue as goose bumps rose on my arms from the cold.

I heard my dad scoff as I tugged the thin shirt up over my head, Just as I guesses, There was really no difference in warmth between wearing the shirt and not.

''You should be so fucking grateful.'' He spat at me, A sneer on his face.

I still didn't respond, I knew it'd only get worse if I did, Instead I concentrated on getting dressed.

''After how much you damaged this family. You shouldn't have been so fucking stupid as to fail your attempt.'' He snarled out coldly before turning around and starting to walk out of my room before pausing.

''Try a stunt like that again kid and I'll chain you up outside to be used like the bitch you are.'' He spat out before heading down stairs.

Tears formed in my eyes as my chest started to ache again.

I reached a hand up, Clutching at the thin shirt for a second before slowly getting up.

I was still shivering slightly but I did my best to ignore it as I slowly, Numbly made my way down the stairs after my dad, My head hung low in shame.

It's always been my fault. . .

--- Time skip ---

I didn't see my mom when I got downstairs, But dad implied she had been crying at the table over me ruining our family.

I hadn't really felt like eating after that, So I decided to walk to school early.

The good thing about walking to school was that eventually with the exercise I started to finally warm up a bit, The frost coating my still slightly damp hair was even thawing out a bit.

My stomach grumbled slightly, Having gotten used to finally eating in the morning, It was not happy with my sudden resume of my constant fast.

It's okay. . . I've felt worse. . .

Forcing a tiny thin smile on my face, I walked onto the school grounds.

The only other people here were the teachers and other social outcasts like myself.

I expected to be ignored like normal, Just another fly on the wall of the popular kid's glory.

Instead, This time as I walked in, I started to hear whispers start up.

I didn't dare look up at the few people stopping to stare and whisper as I hurried past.

They just want to gawk at a freak. . . Guess it's fitting. . . Only thing I was good at anyways. . .

My thin smile couldn't hold up anymore as I felt the judging weight of eyes on me, Judging me. . . Pitying me. . .

My lips pressed tightly together as I tried to keep the tears of shame back behind their eyelids.

They must know. . . They must be judging my parents. . . Dad wasn't lying. . . I really ruined everything. . .

I kept my eyes firmly on the floor as I picked up my pace, Hurrying to my homeroom before I ran into someone.

What the heck? Why does this always happen to me in this school??

Stepping back, I looked up to see a familiar all white wearing blonde haired man.

''Goood morning Aspen!'' Daniel said cheerfully, His grin nearly blindingly bright as he smiled down at me.

''We really gotta stop running into each other like this! What would people say?'' He joked, Smiling happily down at me, His blue eyes glittering like two mini suns.

He's so happy. . . So pure and good. . . So much better than me. . .

I gave him a tiny strained smile to let him know I was grateful for his attempt to cheer me up before I lowered my head again, Walking into class as he cheerfully rambled on behind me, His happy upbeat voice just further cementing the sheer lack of hope in me.

Why should I even have hope? I'll just ruin it. . .

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So. . . Aspen's beating himself up over every failures of everyone, Any guesses what's gonna happen at the end of school? (I'll give you a hint, It can be considered very good depending on your stance on lying)

Anyways! Like always, Have a good day/night and find a better book! - fallen