ᶠÚᵗᵇᵒˡ Oɴᴇsʜᴏᴛs ⎳⎳

new ship sjdkdjdj (Haaland x Jude)

Someone who's always had a subliminal effect on me ever since joining Borussia Dortmund, til today, he leaves. I just stay crumpled under the covers, watching the video of Manchester City welcoming Haaland to the field with the fans cheering. Tears continue to stream down my cheeks, and I have no use of stopping them either. My heart sinks completely when I see his up-lifting smile, my stomach twisting and making me want to throw up from a sudden impact of emotions hitting me hard, shite.

I managed to starve myself for 3 day, only living on water and fruits. I didn't arrive to training for the next 2 days after the 3, leaving someone too 'concerned' in particular, and if things couldn't get worse than Haaland shifting to Man City, it had to be Haaland blowing up my dm's.

I thought I had successfully escaped the wrath of my phone blowing off by turning it off, but that was a good for nothing apparently.

---

He didn't think of at least letting me know he's leaving. Everyone knew, and I was the odd one out. I was completely forgottem by Haaland, as if an outcast. It's now that I realize I love him, and equally hate him for dis-regarding me about this matter. I re-played the video countless times, turning my phone off after. I felt pushed away, like it would be a crime for me to know his matters. For me, it's always been one-sided loveshit. I tried not to, but that sickening urge never left, and I had to succumb to it. Can't believe i'm fookin' lovesick. That too, for Haaland.

I decide to remain at home, and numb my pain away by self torture. This whole situation is already more than enough, but I'll let it swallow me now. I'll remain a lovesick. I'll never forget, I hate you...Erling Haaland.

My vision, balance and speech fall to the weak side when I hit the 5th day. I peel the duvet off, daring to check my phone. 70 missed calls, and 27 messages, all from one person. Haaland. I chuckle weakly, tossing my phone away. I'm sure he knows there's no use, yet he's trying.

I don't feel the need to wear anything, as I'm alone and don't care anymore either. I trudge to the living, tripping over on nothing multipe times. Did great on ruining myself, eh? I feel outraged, noticing a familiar, tall blonde sitting on my couch. How did he get in? I prevent myself from bursting into a fit, and drink a glass of water, holding on tight to the kitchen counter. Foots steps were evident, soon he stood beside me.

Someone who didn't think once about telling me, is present in my house. And I'm too, no less of a fool , to not push him away. How nice of me.

- "Look I'm s-"

- "What. Are. You. Doing. Here." I didn't fear to hide my emotions anymore. This is it, I had enough.

- "Jude I-"

- "Answer my fookin' question." I grit my teeth, my vision twinkling and blurring from tears that soon escape. The plop to the floor, the sound evident in the awfully thickening barrier of un-comfortable silence. I could tell, Haaland's feeling fucked.

- "S-Spare key..." He clutches one in his hands, remembering I had given one of my club team-mates trusting them. And that would be Haaland. I'm a fool to love and trust everyone blindly. I've been making a fool of myself all along. To trust him, to be lovesick for him.

- "Get out." I have to stand my ground, I can't break down. If I show my weak side, I'll be underestimated. And that's what he did, just a week back.

- "Jude," At this point, God, just kill me. I don't know what I did that you're making me go through this absolute misery. Please..just leave me alone. I love him, but I'm sure he doesn't. He underestimated me, didn't find the need to tell me.

- "I don't want to see you, Haaland." I growl and push him, mustering all my remaining strength, but he's too big in comparison with me, a stickman.

I get slammed against the refrigerator, my hot skin burning against the cold side of the refrigerator. He grabs my hand as I try to break free, but no avail. At this point, I'm over and defeated. It's a single loveshit. There's no use of crying for him. I stop shifting, and remain silent, looking to my side and letting the tears run over my cheeks in silence. Haaland looks down to the ground, his hair covering his face.

He lifts his head in a bewildering manner, making me feel tiny in his grasp. I get pulled closer and feel his lips on mine. No..this can't be. He doesn't love me. This is impossible. But I don't want to part away either. I want to hold onto him..let him ruin me- no. No Jude, no. Multiples voices in my head bicker over what to do, and that makes me start to feel dizzy, my grip loosening onto Haaland. The last thing I know, Haaland's voice and me getting carried away.

---

- "Is he okay now?.."

- "I don't know yet. I'll let you all know after he wakes up. Bye." Before Kevin could say anything further, I hung up. I toss my phone away, trying not to loose all my shit staring at sleeping Jude.

My heart clenches at the sight, feeling myself slump on the wall soon on the floor. I hug my knees and hide my face between them, strands of hair sticking to my face from tears. I start to cry my heart out, because I know there's no hope anymore.

I thought he would understand, since he's the most comsiderate and matured out of the group, despite being the youngest. I'm always there when it's about him. I could rant on about him for the whole day without getting tired.

My obsession for him goes over and beyond, but after what happened, I see nothing. No us, no Jude. I cry harder into my knees, as if I couldn't be more careless enough about Jude hearing me. He wouldn't care, there's no point.

- "Haaland.." I raise my head and stare at Jude, standing infront of me looking worn out and malnourished, face smothered with tears. His eyes remain glossy, with a downpour of emotions. Love, hate, melancholy...

- "P-Please Jude...I'm s-sorry.." I croak, hugging my knees tightly, surely making my knuckles go white. I don't know why I'm still trying, it's surely of no use anymore. I lost my Jude. He sits beside me and demands me to look up, but I just remain silent, feeling defeated. He lifts my face forcefully and kisses me on the lips. What?

- "I-I love you, you dope.." I feel goosebumps all over my body, all the sadness washing away. A wave of happiness starts over-whelming, making me go speechless. I just bawl my eyes at him from the sudden change of events, as he wiped his tears and laughs. Is this even real?

- "Say it back if you really want me Haaland. Leave if you don't." So this is reality. This is my chance.

- "I love you too...Please Jude..I'm sorry, I didn't want to sadden you by breaking it to you that I'm leaving.." I manage to say, despite the fact that I'm not great with words. He hugs me tightly as I do the same, pouring out all our love, savoring the moment.

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