You suffer from depression and have turned to drugs to relieve it. Drugs have eased all your pain. You became addicted to drugs but you kept it a secret from everyone.
But your girlfriend Sadie felt the most pain.
The drugs made you treat her like shit, but you didn't really feel it and Sadie never mentioned it.
You've been doing less drugs for a while but you've been fighting with Sadie more and more. After the fights you went back to doing more drugs.
You and Sadie are fighting again. Or rather, she was yelling at you and you just stood there and said nothing. Until she asked you that:
"Do you want me to stay in your life?" She asked angrily.
"What?"
"Don't make me ask you again."
"Yes! Of course I want you to stay in my life. I love you! What are you talking about?"
"Prove it."
"What?"
"For fuck's sake, prove it!" She shouted.
"Sadie-"
"No Y/n! I can't...I can't take this anymore. You're ruining your life in front of my eyes!"
"What are you talking about?"
"Drugs! I'm talking about fucking drugs Y/n. You think I haven't noticed? You think I haven't noticed the drugs, weed and who knows what else you poison yourself with every day?"
Once again you looked at Sadie without saying a word.
"Of course not." She scoffed. "Because you don't care at all about me or anyone but yourself. I know...I know you've been through a lot of shit but drugs aren't the answer goddamn it."
"Sadie please, listen to me." You pleaded.
"No! I will not watch you die in front of me." She sobbed as you stepped closer and hugged her.
Sadie broke free from your embrace and pushed you away, causing you to lose your balance slightly but not fall.
"Don't touch me!" She shouted. "Do you want to die? Fine, die! But I can't watch this." She said and slammed the front door behind her.
You fell to you knees and cried. You felt immense pain throughout your body. You didn't care about anything but Sadie. But you couldn't go after her. Not after that. And you tried with all your might to run after her, but something inside of you wouldn't let you. So you just kept crying until you cried yourself to sleep.
---
The next day when you woke up, Sadie's words ringing in your head.
Do you want to die? Fine, die!
You just lay in your bed and cried. Until you felt like you had no tears left. You were thinking.
Was it all worth it? Was it worth all those drugs? Was it worth losing the person you love more than anyone?
Thousands and thousands of thoughts raced through your head, but all that mattered was Sadie.
You tried to call her but she wouldn't pick up the phone. You texted her but she didn't answer your messages. She ignored you and it drove you crazy.
You wanted to discuss this with her in person. After you got out of bed and got ready, you got in your car and headed for Sadie's house. When you got to her house you saw Sadie's car in the driveway so she was home. You parked your car and went to the front door. For a few minutes you stood motionless in front of the door. You raised your hand several times to ring the doorbell but at that moment you let your hand go back down.
You pulled yourseld together and rang the bell. You had a key to Sadie's house so it wouldn't have been a problem to open the door and go in but now you weren't sure she wanted to see you.
No answer. You rang the doorbell again. Again, nothing. You sighned sadly then walked back to your car and drove away.
You were angry and sad. But you tried to distract yourself. You thought of Sadie. She was your saviour. The love of your life. But you really screwed up.
When you got home you slammed the door angrily behind you and hurried to your bedroom. You opened your closet and took out the box where you keep the drugs.
Your hands was shaking as you took the box in your hands.
Again, the question was running through your head:
Was it all worth it? No, not worth it at all. It's not worth it at all if you're going to lose the love of your life.
You grabbed the box and went to the bathroom. You poured the contents of the box down the toilet. You didn't want to see all the shit that would ruin your life.
After you got rid of all the drugs, immense rage flooded your body. You sweat, your hands shaking, you breathe violently, your heart almost leapt out of its place.
Everything you could get your hands on you threw away or smashed.
Your hands clenched into fists as you looked in the mirror. You were disgusted with yourself.
Unable to contain your anger, you screamed and punched your fist into the mirror. Several time in a row. The mirror shattered and the shards embedded themselves in your hand. Blood ran down your hand, but you didn't care.
You felt to the ground and looked at your bleeding hand. The rage that had drained your body began to subside.
You pulled the shards out of your hand then bandaged it and cleaned up after yourself.
When you were done, you went back to your bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. You took your phone in your hand and dialed Sadie's number.
"Hey."
