Pre War Bucky Barnes One Shots

Tell Me Please

Bucky sits at the edge of the camp keeping watch, his eyes glued to the field in the distant, just beyond the tree line where they're hiding out.

He can hear the laughing and conversation of his comrades from the camp fire about 50 metres behind him, catches a few of their comments but isn't interested in being involved in them. He hasn't felt that way in a while now. Not since Zola.

That's why he came and sat over here. He doesn't need to be on guard really, but it's just an excuse for him to get away and think.

Steve sits with the rest of the howlies and chuckles along when it's right but he isn't fully involved in the banter. He's too busy keeping an eye on Bucky.

He can see his figure illuminated by the moonlight, sitting on the ground and resting on the trunk of a tree. He's facing away from them but Steve can bet that his face is solemn. Like it has been most of the time lately.

He's not the same as Steve remembered him. Not as funny or witty or eager. And according to the others he was still like that right up until he got tortured by Zola.

Ever since then he's been ridiculously quiet for James Buchanan Barnes and even turns down the offer of a good time or a night off which is completely uncharacteristic of him.

Steve is worried about him. Zola must've done something bad. He wants to find out what.

So he gets up and quietly heads over to where his best friend sits. The others go silent and watch him confused but soon realise what he's doing so go back to their previous conversation.

"Can I sit?" Steve says as he comes up behind Bucky.

He jumps but doesn't move.

"Sure." He mumbles.

Steve sits next to him. Bucky internally groans, he knows what's coming and he doesn't want to talk about it.

"Buck." Steve says.

"Steve." Bucky says mimicking his tone but still staring at the field ahead.

"You know we don't need anyone on watch this late, we'll be fine. No one in their right mind would attack us when we've got our weapons right beside us and there's a whole group of us." Steve says in a low, serious voice.

"You never know." Bucky shakes his head.

"Why don't you come join us over there? It's fun and you must be cold out here and we have food." Steve says in an attempt to shake him.

"No thanks I'm good." Bucky shrugs. "I've got plenty of layers on and I ate earlier."

"Wow, the Bucky I used to know would never turn down a good chin wag." Steve mumbles.

"What's that support to mean?" Bucky frowns and finally looks at him.

"You've changed." Steve states angrily because he's getting frustrated with Bucky's refusal to cooperate.

"Yeah? Well, people do change you know." Bucky says distastefully.

"Don't bullshit me Barnes. I know it's only because of something that happened in Austria." Steve growls, raising his voice.

Bucky doesn't answer, just looks down at his hands and twiddles his thumbs nervously, trying to push back the memories.

"What happened in there?" Steve insists, unable to stand it any longer.

"Nothing, I'm fine." Bucky shakes his head and denies it but Steve can tell by the waver in his voice that he's lying.

"Bucky." He snaps.

"Stevie." Bucky says in a teasing, playful voice and turns to look at Steve again.

Steve raises his eyebrows in questioning.

"Nothing happened in there. I'm completely fine. Totally and utterly untouched." Bucky shrugs overly calmly.

"You know I don't know what you went through in there but I'm only trying to help you. But I can't do that unless you tell me what happened. So why can't you just tell me?" Steve says frustratedly.

"Because you wouldn't understand." Bucky sighs.

"Why not?" Steve protests.

"Do you know what it feels like to be in so much pain that you think your dying? You tell yourself 'yep, this is it. And I'm okay with that because I'd rather die then go through this again' but then they pull you back out and even though your whole body is screaming you feel stronger and more alive then ever? To be held down while you ryth in agony as they inject who knows what kind of new poison into your body? To think some of the thoughts that they drove me to think?" Bucky suddenly blurts out, his eyes becoming wide with pain and fear.

"No, I don't. I'm sorry." Steve says quietly.

"When I saw you standing over me that day I honestly thought that I was about to die. That I was finally getting to see you healthy as my dying wish. That's how bad it was Steve. But it's real and you're actually here but your different and you don't need me anymore and it's all just a bit overwhelming. And now I can't get Zola out of my head. I'm scared. Scared that they're going to come and get me again. Scared that they're going to do it to you or someone else instead because I would never want anyone to go through what I did. They did something to me in there. Okay? I can feel it. I'm angrier, more impulsive, I have so much energy yet I still feel so drained and empty. What's happening to me?" Bucky whimpers and holds up his hands that are shaking.

Steve can see the few tears now dripping down Bucky's cheeks. He's terrified.

"Bucky I'm so sorry. I had no idea." He mumbles with a pit forming in his stomach.

"There, I said it. Are you happy now?" Bucky mumbles as he wipes away the tears.

"Yes. Because now I can help you get better. I'm sure your going to be fine. I'm sure it's just a post traumatic stress thing and I'll help you through that. Because I'm with you till the end of the line." Steve says seriously. "It'll take time but we'll get there. And for the record, I'll always need you Bucky."

Bucky looks up at him and his face softens. Steve leans in and hugs his best friend and Bucky let's him, wrapping his arms around his newly huge best friend and revelling in the feeling of having him back, although different it might be.

"Okay it's still going to take some time to get used to the new you though." Bucky chuckles sadly as he pulls away.