Pre War Bucky Barnes One Shots

The Howlies (Part 6)

You would think that after being malnourished and deprived of necessities for the past few months the first thing you would want to do would be to have a huge feast.

You would think that after all you've been through you would want a hug from someone, to feel like your loved and cared for by someone... Someone like Bucky.

But instead of these things you find your self hurrying back to your private tent with your head down, not acknowledging anyone and barely making it through the door before bursting out crying. You collapse onto your small bed and curl up in a ball, hugging your knees, laying on your side, facing the wall as you ball your eyes out.

Why?

That's all you can think.

Why you?

Why did this have to happen?

Why are we even at war?

Why would they do that to you?

Even though it isn't your fault you feel guilty. You feel ashamed. You feel embarrassed. But you were forced into this situation, had no choice in the matter, so why do you feel like this?

Again with the why.

You've always wanted children. Just not this way, not yet, not until you are in a stable relationship and had your life set up. Right now you don't even know who this babies father is, you never will and you don't even know when you're going to get to go home.

There is one thing in particular that keeps plaguing your mind, or one someone to be exact.

Bucky.

What will he think? How will you tell him? Even though deep down you know that surely he won't, you're worried that he will be disgusted in you. It's not like this is something you can hide forever. Soon everyone including Bucky will know.

You stay alone and unmoving in your tent, breaking down multiple times until eventually the sky turns dark and your body becomes too weak with emotion and the fatigue of your recent journey gets the best of you so you drift off into a restless sleep.

                              ~~~~

The next few days consist of you moving only between the dining hall, the medical ward and your tent. You avoid people, especially Bucky at all costs.

You take your breakfast back to your tent as soon as you have it, often skip out on lunch and sometimes even dinner or else take it back to your tent once again or if you do have to be in the dining hall for a meeting or something you sit alone in the corner. You've seen Bucky in there a few times but luckily haven't really crossed paths with him properly, you tend to be at different ends of the room. You see him watching you, the first time he smiles and waves and you just look away acting as if you didn't see him, a few more times you catch his eye and just look down, it isn't long before you see him just watching you, frowning in concern and looking as confused as ever. Until one day there is no way you can avoid seeing him, he's just walking in as you're walking out and as much as you try to slip out unnoticed it doesn't work.

"(Y/N)?" he asks as he grabs your arm.

You look up to see an expectant look on his face, he wants an explanation.

"I-I'm sorry, I have to go," you mutter and tug your arm out of his grip, carrying on your way leaving him stunned in place.

Work is similar. You get back into the swing of things pretty much the day after you get back and busy yourself with lots of work so that you can't get distracted and have no excuse to stop and talk to anyone. You keep worrying that Bucky might come in to get his injuries checked from Azzano, but unsurprisingly he never does. You know that even though he isn't alright he will act like and say that he is. But then one day he does show up at the front desk. You hear him before you see him, he's talking to the administrator asking to speak to you. You try to act like you haven't heard but she soon calls you over making you cringe.

"(Y/N)! Sergeant Barnes wants to speak to you," she says as she waves to you.

"I, um, I'm busy." You try.

He leans down and whispers something to her.

"He said it's urgent," she insists.

You groan as you trudge over.

"Hi Bucky," you say solemnly.

"Hey, what's going on? Why are you avoiding me?" He frowns and looks at you seriously.

"I-I," you stutter.

"Did I do something wrong?" he presses.

You shake your head and look at the ground.

"Then what's is it? Are you okay? You look like you haven't slept or eaten in weeks!" he exclaims quietly. "I'm worried about you doll."

"Bucky, I'm really sorry but I must get back to work," you mumble.

He looks at you incredulously and shakes his head, throwing his arms out as if he's giving up.

"Whatever, sorry for trying to help." He huffs as he starts to walk away.

"Buck no-" you beg.

"You know, I thought we had a good thing going," he says with sadness in his expression.

"Bucky you don't un-"

"Save it (Y/N), you've already made it clear. You don't want my help, with whatever it is that is hurting you."