Boe

Part 51

I was now in Bee house seeing Fenix and her all boo'd up and shit. It all reminded me of when I met Geesy and I sigh hating how I was in my feels now. Just like the song trip by Ella mai I thought I put my feelings in safety but it didn't work with Handro.

I then go in the guest room and power on my phone to let my mom know what happened.

12 missed calls from ' Ma 💋 '

47 missed calls from ' Handro 🙃💚 '

Me- mom someone drived by our house!!! I'm fine though 😊 I'm with Bee and the cops have it covered

Ma 💋 is typing

Ma 💋- what the hell???

Ma 💋 is typing

Me- a guy cat called me and I put him in his place must've been him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ma 💋- why are you home though you were on tour?!

Ma 💋 is typing

Me- didn't feel good so I took a break

Ma 💋 is typing

Me- Handro thought it'd be best I stayed home for a bit to rest up and when I was out the house the drive by happened but I was going to sleep over with Bee either way

Ma 💋- why didn't you just rest over there?? Ohhhh okay. Why haven't you been answering? Bee is a good person and all but I trust Handro is on his way?

Ma 💋- Bees pregnant so I think Handro would be better of taking care of you girls

Me- yeah um I haven't told him yet actually I'd prefer if he didn't stop being on tour because of me

Ma 💋- oh

Ma 💋- I guess, but are you guys all fine?!!!

Me- cops got us covered

Ma 💋- if anything suspicious happens tell me and the cops immediately

Me- I will 💚💚

Ma 💋- love you glad your fine

Me- how's rehab?

Ma 💋- really good actually but ima go to this parenting class I signed up

Me- oh that's good

Me- proud of you

Ma 💋- text you in a bit baby 💗💓💞🖤💜💕💘💖❣️❤️💚

Me- okay love you too
...

Gosh just everything Handro this Handro that. I can't get a single break from hearing about him and I was going insane not having him but I convinced myself it was for the best.

Thank God my mom didn't text Handro right after and understood. I then walk out but immediately go back in seeing Fenix and Bee go at it

I then went back in and break down, I couldn't lie any more it hurt not being with Handro. It been two whole fucking weeks by tomorrow two weeks and one day. But it's been two weeks and three days not seeing him at all.

Fenix was right I was so fucking scared. I loved my dad to death and I believed he did too but he did in a very wrong way. He's the reason I never believed in relationships or love. Betrayal is what I felt. Not only did he ruin my life but my moms as well. I just was scared to be in love and feel the betrayal. Betrayal was like a horrible medicine that was marked all around my heart.

Yes I felt betrayed by Handro twice to be exact but he had reasons in each time. He did tell me to trust him no matter what but I was scared. I just wasn't sure if I was right for Handro to start with. His reasons were good but it was always drugs doing me dirty in his part. If he knew drugs made him that stupid why do it? I knew he was hurt but fuck. The other time he was gone as fuck too. I honestly think he just should make sure not to take so much.

I then breathed in and out and wiped my tears but when I look up I see Fenix and Bee standing looking worried at the door way. I then smile but break down again and Bee hugs me immediately and Fenix pulls us in his big arms. It felt nice but I wanted more. I wanted specific hands around me. It hurt so much that he must be drinking so much hurt for ghosting him.

He probably slept with someone else by now but before I can try to stop thinking that I already picture it. We weren't dating so he was fine but it didn't mean it didn't hurt.

"Your right Fenix I am just scared but I have reasons my dad I loved him and he" I sit back down after getting up. I then full on sob and Bee and Fenix look at each other worriedly.

I then stand back up, " I loved my dad he loved me too but not in a right way you know what he did to me he raped me and I'm scared I will be betrayed again by Geesy but obviously in a different way. I just already feel betrayed and I know it's not fair because he had reasons but I just wished I stopped thinking this way.... that day I had a panic attack is because that guy that snuck in and since then I just can't stop remembering the betrayal feeling thennnnnnHandro did that with the Veronica thing and I'm just scared" I cry out and they both are shocked of my little melt down.

"Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm not making you go with Alejandro already. And now I'm not forcing you too but don't you think you should let him know" Fenix mumbles in the hug.

"He loves you Hen come on don't be like that with him let him know how you feel" Bee continues on what Fenix says and I nod but I know I'm lying.

"What If He takes advantage of that and uses it to hurt me one day" I mumble letting more and more tears out after that.

"Come on you have to trust to get love. it helps find out what love is and open your damn eyes to see your hurting the both of you" Bee says.

I promise I won't hurt you if you don't hurt me