I was now in Landon crib smoking and watching him dance around his house weirdly. All I can think is Handro wouldn't like you smoking. I hated that all I thought of was him! Literally everything I do reminds me of what he does and what he has said, it made me hurt more. I was good at hiding my feelings at these times but once I pop it doesn't end well and I'm scared.
"Hey why are you crying" A drunk Landon pouts.
"I'm okay" I laugh/cry
He stays staring at me and ends up hugging me super tight.
"You'll be fine as long as you stay positive" he mumbles in my shoulder and I can't hold it in anymore and I break down.
I was now balling my eyes and I grabbed on so tight to him and my heart ached so bad. The feeling was very overwhelming and Landon stayed put holding me. He then sat me on his lap and hugged me tight he seemed to know what he was doing but he looked very drunk. Guess I wasn't so good at hiding how I felt on this one.
I sigh not even being able to breath properly. I felt as if my heart literally dropped and my chest was being pressured. I felt so betrayed and I hated the feeling. Just when I thought everything was finally going great for me.
"Hennessy its is okay" Landon slurs patting my head.
I then curl up in his lap hoping this unfamiliar feeling went away. The weird part was the feeling was way more worse then when I felt betrayed by my dad. I felt more broken. I don't think I will want to talk for a while but I know my mind will make me think so negative without friends around.
I ended up falling asleep and I slept for the longest.
9:52am
Once I woke up I was under a big fluffy blanket and when I look around I see Landon in the table eating cereal. I smile knowing we'll be good friends just by the looks of it.
"Landon" my voice cracks and I clear my throat repeating myself again.
"Hmm" He says finishing up his food.
"Thank you" is all I say and get up a bit.
"Hungry" He ask and I shake my head no.
"Are you sure" he ask looking worried
"I don't like breakfast I'll eat it but I usually don't really eat in the mornings if I get to choose" I explain
"Well good thing you'll still eat it right" he ask pouring me some cereal and I smile on how sweet he is. He then waves me over to the table and I sit across from him.
"How you coping" he ask passing it to me and pours himself some more.
I shrug and he gives me a smile understanding having no need for me to actually say anything.
"What about you with the drinking" I fake laugh and he actually laughs not realizing I'm fake happy.
"Ehh I'm alright" he smiles.
We stay quiet and just let the music blast and I sigh letting the music help me cope. The music of Landon was so calm that I stayed quiet and thoughtful. At times like these I wish Xxxtentacion was alive because I knew he always knew what to say or give stuff out he knew people can relate to. I shrug it off knowing I was just getting more sad.
"They ask me how I'm feeling My nigga I'm feeling lovely It must be because everywhere I go they wanna fuck me"
I look up hearing Handro voice and I let a tear out knowing what he said was true but I rub it off. Landon quickly gets up and ends up falling and I laugh lightly and he turns red but ends up skipping the song. The next song was another of his but I ask him to leave it.
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I sit and listen and realize this whole song is him admitting he did have sides. The lady in the interview was right, I was a side. I then asked Landon to replay it and Landon does but looks some what confused.
Matt 😑- so u coming or what?????
Matt 😑- what taking you so long!!
Me- consider me gone 🖕🏼
Me- oop 😂😂
Me- *✌🏼
Matt 😑- ?
I then leave it at that and go through messages Bee sent me.
🐝 Bee- don't do nothing bad!
🐝 Bee- love you 💖
🐝 Bee- where'd you go?
Me- love you too
After that I don't tell her where I'm at because she'll tell Fenix who will eventually tell Handro.
"So what you wanna do today" Landon ask grabbing my phone and putting it down. I'm glad he did because I was so close in checking on Geesy in what he was doing.
"Can you do me a favor" I ask smiling and he looks scared but ask what.
"So I want to be petty but I need help" I admit and he looks up and doesn't seem to want to help anymore.
"Please" I whine and he shakes his head no.
"At least hear my idea" I pout and he shrugs.
"Okay so he wanted a kid but I'll start by acting like I lost my virginity and I later on that I'm having a baby" I smile wanting Handro to see it's not okay to fuck with me.
"Why not just get over him" he request and I look down knowing that's in possible.
