Dear Future Husband

February 12, 2019

Dear My One and Only Homie,

I couldn't do it.

I couldn't break up with her.

I was ready to do it, I was ready to go to tutoring that day, go home, call her and tell her what was going on, but things didn't go as planned.

She bounded up to me at my locker at the end of the day and threw her arms around me from behind, her sweet smell taking over my senses, paralyzing any plans to terminate our relationship.

"Heeeyyy babyyyy," She crooned. "What are you doing today?"

I turned around to face her, smiling as I looked down at her sweet face. I was going to say I had plans and try to keep the plan in action-- despite her smelling like a goddamn angel-- but of course, my stupid ass friends had to ruin it as usual.

"He has chemistry with a sophomore." Jack chortled as the rest of my so called friends laughed boisterously around him.

My face burned bright red and I tried to hide it with a smile, which only made things worse.

Her grin faded and her eyebrows shot up. "Excuse me?"

"Don't listen to them-"

"Yeah," Gio continued, "He has to go make some bonds with her, make sparks fly, and stuff."

A roar of laughter erupts from the group and I thought they were done. There was nothing they could possibly say that would make this worse-

"Oh, so I guess clothes won't be the only thing that's flying!"

Vanessa ripped her arms away from mine and turned angrily around, her flowery smelling hair smacking me in the face before she marched away from me.

I turned to my "friends" who were still laughing hysterically. "Fuck you guys." That barely put a dent in their hysterical fits of laughter and they were still wheezing when I walked after Vanessa.

"Babe! Wait!" I caught up to her, taking her hand.

She whipped around, pulling her hand away from mine. "What the fuck, Grant? Are you cheating on me?" She said very loudly in the very crowded hallway, making heads turn.

My face felt like an overheated hot pocket as I looked around at the whispering people around me. "Let's go somewhere private." The last thing I needed was another Clarissa debacle.

I pulled Vanessa into janitor's closet at the end of the hall and shut the door, locking it. Now, from this point, this is how the conversation should've went.

"I'm not cheating on you."

She scoffs, shoving me against the wall. "Like hell you aren't! What the fuck are they talking about, Grant?!"

"I'm being tutored!" I yell back at her. "Nothing more than that! I don't even like my tutor that way."

"You're so full of bullshit!" She bangs a fist against my chest.

"Jesus Christ!" I run a hand through my hair. "Why do you have to be like this Vanessa? Why do you have to be such a fucking drama queen?! No," I turn the lock. "I can't do this anymore, I'm done." I say as I open the door and storm out.

That's how it should've gone, but it actually went like this:

"I'm not cheating on you."

She scoffed, trying the lock but I stopped her. "Don't fucking touch me."

"I haven't been cheating on you! And definitely not with a tenth grader."

"Why should I believe you?" She crossed her arms angrily. "I mean, you cheated on Clarissa and you have been acting weird and withdrawn lately, plus you haven't wanted to have sex. Did you get an STD or something? Are you scared to give it to me? Is that it?"

My eyes grew wide. "No, god no!" I took a deep breath. "Clarissa is a liar ok? She made up all of that stuff about me cheating and I haven't had sex with anyone. Jack and Gio were just being dicks to make you upset, to make this happen, they think you're hot and I don't blame them." I smiled at her, taking her hand.

Her clenched jaw started to soften up and she didn't pull her hand away. "If you're lying to me-"

"I'm not, I promise I'm not." I squeezed her hand. "Come on, Vanessa, just trust me."

She squeezed my hand back, her body leaning into mine. "Fine." She sighs. "I trust you."

I smile, starting to pull away and unlock the door when she stops me. "What are you doing?" She asks, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"I'm going to be late for my tutoring session." I say, watching as anger starts to spark back into her eyes. "Or... not. No, I don't need tutoring." I smiled, wrapping my arms around her waist again. "I just need you."

Ok, so I'm just going to give you a little warning, there is some graphic content ahead. Ok, well I'm not going to make it really graphic but it's kind of dirty and not like me, but I have to get it out, I have to write it down or else my head is going to explode.

(And no, we don't bang, but it we went from first base to third really fast)

She grinned and moves in on my lips, her tongue completely apprehending me and my thoughts so the only thing that seemed to work was my mouth.

After a few solid minutes of making out, she pulls away, and I find myself a little dizzy. So dizzy, in fact, that I kind of didn't really notice that her face was level with mine anymore, but I could feel her hands trailing down my chest and pelvis then to my zipper. Suddenly, my dick got a little chilly, then warm and moist and hard as a baseball bat.

Suddenly, she was giving me head.

I won't go into too much detail but I felt happy and anxious at the same time. Happy because-- oh, I don't know, my dick was being sucked and it felt fucking amazing-- but at the same time, anxious because I was subconsciously losing my mind over my virginity.

Did this count as losing it? Did this make me impure? Did she expect me to give her head now? Did she expect sex now? Did she have mouth herpes or something? Did I have herpes now?! Could she get pregnant?!

Now that my dick is calm again, and I'm far from Vanessa, I can rationalize and understand that no, she cannot get pregnant by giving oral, and if she had mouth herpes I would have mouth herpes already too because we kiss so much. I also can understand that virginity is a social construct and it can be whatever I want it to be. Also, blowjobs are really kind of fucking great and I would definitely want one again soon, and maybe even from Vanessa.

So yeah, I probably should've broken up with her, but if she kept the good stuff coming and we held off from sex, I think I could hang on to this relationship for a little while longer.

So remember that I like blowjobs and I think we will have a pretty happy life together.

-Grant