Dear Future Husband

August 8, 2019

Dear Alina,

I can honestly say I tried, and I fought, even though I went into today not prepared to do that.

Last night I had been all gung ho and ready to fight, but today I woke up thinking that might not be the best idea.

I was willing to make it better with you, that was a start, but I thought it might be too early to start professing my love for you. Baby steps.

Anyway, I drove to your house like I said I was going to and I was about to go up to your door and ring like a gentleman, but you were already walking out to my car, sweatshirt in hand.

Maybe I sound cheesy, fuck it at this point, but every time I look at you lately it's like you're the most beautiful thing in the world to me. I could spend eternity studying every little detail of your face and it still wouldn't be enough. I wish I could just stare at you forever, then I would be happy.

You came up to my window and I rolled it down as you smiled at me, that smile that always made my day so much better.

"Hey," I said, smiling back. "Sorry about this, I don't want you to think-"

"No, Grant, you don't need to apologize. I should be thanking you." You handed it to me, all folded nicely and freshly washed, something you would do.

"It was no problem, really," I said as I accepted it. It was quiet for a few moments and I knew there was something you wanted to say, there were a million things I wanted to say, but I wanted to let you say it first. When nothing came out of your mouth, I decided to go, maybe I was reading the situation wrong. "Well, thank you for this, let me know if you need anything, Alina. I know you probably don't want to talk to me, but I'm here." I smiled at you one last time and put the car into gear when you spoke up.

"Actually, Grant, there is." You said, biting your lip.

I motioned to the passenger seat and you came around to sit next to me.

"What's up?" I asked.

You took a deep breath, closing your eyes. "Clarissa told me you brought me home because I was drunk and you couldn't find Sasha. Is that the truth? Is that what happened?"

A rock sat in my throat, keeping the right answer from coming out. Hell, no answer came out.

"Grant?" You asked again. "Grant, what happened?"

"I..." I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to scare you. I didn't want you to get upset again, I had seen you upset too many times.

"How many drinks did I have? Let's start with that." You asked, looking at me intensely, your eyebrows furrowed together in worried concentration, the way you looked when we took chem tests.

"I only saw you have one," I started. "You probably had three to four max."

"I don't get drunk that easily, and I got blackout drunk, are you sure I didn't have more? I remember having one before the party, does that change things?"

I swallowed hard. "Alina, I know why you blacked out."

"Then tell me! What happened, Grant? I need to know and whatever it is, I can handle it." You swallowed hard. "Did I play too many games of beer pong? Did I hit my head? Did I get in a fight? Tell me."

I took a deep breath. You were right, I had to tell you. I couldn't try to protect you, this was your story. "When I first saw you, you were arguing with your girlfriend. You both looked pretty upset then you stormed into the kitchen and poured yourself a drink, then went into the living room."