Dear Future Husband

April 10, 2019

Dear My One,

I texted her and asked if she wanted a ride this morning.

She said she was going to breakfast with Clarissa.

Clarissa. This is all because of her. She is the one who planted those seeds in her mind and yeah, it was true that I got nudes and my dick sucked, but Jesus Alina didn't need to know that. At some point I would've told her, but Clarissa had no fucking right to tell her any of that, especially in the way she did. I can imagine her completely twisting the story and making it sound ten times worse than it actually was.

Yesterday when I was texting Alina trying to get her to talk to me, I got a text from Clarissa.

Clarissa: sorry about the breakup :(

I started to panic. Were we broken up? Alina never said anything officially, and I was hoping she was just going to be mad for awhile, but if we broke up...

Clarissa: let me know if there is anything I can do to make it better.(.).

Me: fuck off

Me: seriously clarissa don't even fucking start with me

Clarissa: damn don't get all pissy at me

Me: fuck u clarissa u know that this is all your fault

Me: none of this would have happened if u decided to be a decent human being and stay out of my fucking relationship

Clarissa: im just trying to protect her from u

Me: you're just jealous of her because she is better than u and u know it

Me: you're jealous of her happiness so u ripped it away from her

Clarissa: who said she was happy when she was with u?

Me: she's a happy person, she's optimistic and bright and there aren't a lot like her out there and u couldn't stand that so u had to try to bring your darkness into her life

Me: that's not fucking protecting her, that's destroying her

I blocked Clarissa's number after that exchange. I was so fucking angry that I just fucking screamed. Luckily no one was home so I just yelled and yelled, but it didn't change anything. I still felt like shit about everything and had to think of a way to make this better.

Even though there wasn't much that would.

I couldn't find her before school started so I tried to get to her locker between each class to wait for her to come by, but somehow I kept missing her. Finally as I pushed through kids between fourth and fifth period, I saw her there putting her books away and restocking her bag.

I went up next to her, pushing the locker door aside so I could look at her.

She looked up at me, then down again quickly.

"Come on, Alina, you can't keep ignoring me like this."

She took a deep breath. "I'm not going to keep ignoring you, but I just need some space right now, and I think it would be better if we remained friends in that time."

My heart plummeted. "Just please let me explain-"

"There's nothing to explain." She shut her locker. "Look, you made decisions, I respect those decisions. I don't agree with them, but I can respect them. Please respect my decision to remain friends so I don't make a mistake with you. It's just better for both of us that way." She turned and started to leave but I stood in front of her.

"Grant-"

"No, Alina, it's not going to be like that, please just let me talk to you-"

"I have to get to class." She said, her gaze steadfast.

"Fine." I sighed. "Let me drive you home-"

"No-"

"No." I said back. "Fine, you want to be friends, this is what friends do. We were friends and I gave you rides-"

She opened her mouth to protest then closed it. "Either way, I have a student council meeting after school."

"I'll wait."

"No, Grant," She said as the bell rang. "You will go home and I will get a ride with Clarissa." She pushed past me and started on her way to class.

Maybe she was right. Maybe I was a misogynist and an asshole and I should've never taken advantage of Clarissa or Vanessa like that, but it happened and I never could have imagined something so small like that could lead such a big and terrible thing to happen. Maybe this was my punishment for being an asshole.

I considered waiting for her after school to try and talk to her again, but I couldn't keep pushing her. She would just get annoyed and me bugging her isn't going to make her change her mind. I just felt so helpless, I couldn't do anything to make this better.

And that scared the shit out of me.

-Grant