Dear Future Husband

July 9, 2019

Dear Future Person,

I can't stop thinking about Sasha.

I've had her number for days and I haven't worked up the nerve to text her. I don't know if I wanted to, and if I did, what it would mean. I didn't want to lead her on if I didn't like her, but I also didn't want to miss this opportunity to discover something new about myself. The worst part is, I couldn't talk to anyone about it except Romeo.

Speaking of Romeo, the vet had diagnosed him with a viral infection and put him on medication for the next few weeks which should help him get over whatever he has, which is good news, but he still isn't back to his puppy self.

Anyway, how was I supposed to tell someone I might have feelings for a girl? I didn't feel comfortable enough telling any of my friends, we weren't close enough for that. I had thought about talking to my parents about it, but they wouldn't understand. Not that they would be against it, they love me no matter who I love, they just wouldn't understand what I'm going through right now. Finally, Clarissa crossed my mind, but I'm worried she would just tell me that every straight girl has thoughts about it and they're just thoughts.

What I was feeling weren't thoughts. I felt something inside of me that was just... drawn to the idea of loving another girl. Sasha had just been so... appealing. I had dreams about kissing her and being with her and I didn't know if she had just put the idea in my head or if I was actually genuinely feeling it.

Here I am, writing to you, my future husband, about liking girls. Are you even who I think you are? Are you a man or a woman or some other gender I can't put a label on? What do I call you? How do I even begin imagining you if I don't know what kind of person you are?

I just have to accept that you're an abstract idea right now, and I can't be confined to the fact that you're a man, or a woman, or something in between.

So for right now, what I know, is that I want to try something with Sasha. I want to explore my feelings.

Because if I don't, I could be missing an opportunity to meet you.

Xoxo, Alina