Dear Future Husband

February 15, 2019

Dear Saving Grace,

I'm an asshole.

And karma is a bitch.

Well, maybe not. Maybe I had made the wrong decision all along and it just feels worse now that I was an ass to Alina.

I couldn't help it, Vanessa was standing right there and she had just talked to me before that saying she didn't want to be held second to other girls, and I felt like I had something to prove to her. Not that it makes up for anything at all, I was an ass, end of story, and Alina didn't deserve that. She was so nice and she was just trying to help me.

And shit, did I need help in my life.

Anyway, since then I've been miserable and things have gotten worse, and on top of that my grades are in the shitter, so yeah everything is going just fine.

I was right about the reciprocating oral sex thing too, and it's not fun. Vanessa has given me two more blow jobs since last time and both times she has not so subtly hinted that she wants me to eat her out. I always find an excuse not to because I'm worried 1) that I have mouth herpes (Clarissa was still kissing me when she was fooling around with Brad) 2) will suck at giving oral or 3) it will lead to *~other~* things. And not going down on her makes me feel even more like an asshole for letting her go down on me, but I can't help. It just happens and I am too busy remembering how good it feels that I forget how awful I will feel after I don't reciprocate.

Mrs. Bradley is asking how tutoring is going because my grades have been slipping even further and every time I have to tell her that I couldn't make my last session. Soon, I will have to play the divorcing parents card because I'm running out of excuses.

I haven't seen Alina since I flipped my shit on her, and I wish I would so I could apologize- no, not apologize. I didn't have the balls to apologize, plus I wasn't worthy of her inevitable forgiveness either. Maybe I could just smile at her in the hall, or offer her a ride home, or let her punch me, I don't know, but I had to make it up to her. I was an ass.

I just want to make it up to her and maybe everything else would feel a little less shitty.

-Guilty Grant