Dear Future Husband

July 6, 2019

Dear Future Husband,

This past week hasn't been easy and I would have hoped to have been getting better by now, but I really haven't.

I still feel the cloud hanging over me and the unhappiness sitting on my chest and I just can't seem to shake it no matter hard I try, but I've managed to find distractions.

I thought I should start on my summer work and decided that I need a change of scene, so I went to The Hideout to get some work done.

I found myself a table in the corner, ordered a sandwich and settled myself in. Surprisingly, I was actually able to focus and get some work done without drifting off and thinking of Grant. Maybe it was the fact that I was in a public place and didn't want to cry in front of people, or the fact that differential calculus was an entire issue in of itself that made me want to cry and distracted me from the rain cloud hanging over my head.

I was in the middle of an especially difficult problem when the waitress I had last time came over to bring me my food.

"Thank you," I said, smiling at her as she set the sandwich down.

"Complex fractions?" She asked, looking down at my work. "Not fun stuff."

I laughed. "Tell me about it, I've redone this question four times already."

She looked over her shoulder at the manager who was busy dealing with an unhappy customer, then decided to sit down across from me. "If you multiply the numerators by the common denominator, they cancel and it makes things a lot easier."

I did what she suggested and I was happy to see that it actually worked, and definitely saved me a lot of work. "Wow, thank you so much."

"No problem," She said with a smile. "I've been there before and I know how hard it is to start with this stuff. I'm Sasha, by the way."

"Nice to meet you, Sasha, I'm Alina."

"No boy toy this time, Alina?" Sasha asked.

I was taken off guard by this and I could feel the blood draining from my face. The only people I had really talked to about Grant and I breaking up was Clarissa and my parents. I had deleted the pictures of him from my Instagram and I think people had gotten the hint by now that we weren't together, so no one had ever asked me about him.

"Uh, no." I said, looking down at my hands.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Sasha said quietly. "I didn't mean to-"

"No," I interrupted. "It's okay. We're not together anymore."

She stood up. "I shouldn't have asked, I apologize. I hope you enjoy your food." She said before starting to walk away.

"Sasha, wait." I called, making her turn around. "How did you remember me from last time?"

She smiled. "How could I forget a beautiful face like that?" She said before turning back around and walking off before her boss could see her.

I was completely taken off guard by that. What was that supposed to mean? Was it a compliment or something more? Was she messing with me? Was she trying to make me feel better because she knew my boyfriend had broken up with me?

That whole day I couldn't stop thinking about it. I replayed the moment over and over in my head to try and see if there was any indication that she could've been joking, or that she could've been flirting with me.

Even if she was, what was the point of worrying about it? I liked boys, I couldn't see myself being with a girl or liking her in a romantic way. How didn't she know about that? She knew I had a boyfriend previously, so why would she hit on me?