Dear Future Husband

April 9, 2019

Dear Future Husband,

I either just made the world's biggest mistake or a good decision.

I'm starting to wonder if it was worth it.

Yes, this is my second time writing to you today, but I really need to talk to someone about this and there are a slim few who I can talk to at this point.

I was hoping that by later today I would find out that all of those things weren't true, or that maybe I just came to terms with all of it and could move on, but I just couldn't.

Every time I thought about him, I saw the texts, or I imagined him pulling Vanessa into a closet somewhere and it kept making me sick to my stomach. It was like realizing that a celebrity you idolize is actually a jerk, just heartbreaking and absolutely sickening.

Yeah, his days of asking for nudes and getting oral sex could've been over, but I was so paranoid at this point I didn't know if that was true. I considered just coming out and asking him, but he could easily deny all of it. I considered setting him up to see how he would react to see if he was done with all of that, but that was despicable, and if I really cared about Grant then I wouldn't test him or put him in a bad situation. That wasn't what I did.

He touched my butt again today and I kind of snapped on him, which didn't make things any better, but the fact that he had just kind of forgot that I was upset just to touch me like that made it even worse.

I felt awful for it, but a part of me was mad he wasn't asking me what was wrong, even though I wouldn't tell him. Yeah, he asked a couple times, but part of me wishes he was more persistent, then maybe it would show that he actually did care about me. Maybe I'm just being unreasonable

What still bothered me though, was that he wouldn't kiss me in public, but it was fine to touch my butt.

I was going to text him to say that Clarissa was going to give me a ride home today, but just as I got out my phone he came up next to me. "Ready to go?"

I considered just saying no, but he looked like he might have an accident if I turned him down. Maybe I was being a little harsh, it was the poor guy's anniversary.

Then again, this poor guy took advantage of my sister for nudes.

I said yes, but I didn't say anything else to him, mainly because I didn't know what to say, partly because I didn't want to say anything.

"We agreed that you could pick where we went today," Grant started as we got in. "But if you're not feeling up for a restaurant or the mall or anything we could always go back to my place and just chill."

"Netflix and chill?" I said without thinking. Words were just coming out at that point and I couldn't stop them. "Because, I mean, we could just skip the Netflix part at this point and just go hang out in the janitor's closet."

He looked like I had just spoken to him in Latin. "What are you talking about?"

I quickly looked out the window to hide the red rising to my face and the tears creeping to my eyes.

"Alina, what the hell is going on with you?"

I scoffed. "What the hell is going on with me? Nothing for you, and you'll never get anything so you can just stop trying. If you want to break up with me because of it, so be it, it will be better for both of us."

"Break up with you? Where is this coming from. Please, just tell me what's going on."

I turned to face him, my chest heaving. "You're a liar and a hypocrite and a misogynist and I'm not going to fall victim to it." Maybe I came on a little strong, but I was really upset.