Dear Future Husband

February 19, 2019

Dear Soul Mate,

Yeah, you read right.

Soul mate.

I'm going soft I swear.

But I don't know what else to say about you.

The name is subject to change, but my feelings about you never will. At this point in time, I don't know who you are, but I know who you're not. I know you're not Vanessa. You're not Vanessa because if you were Vanessa, I wouldn't feel bad about not giving oral, and you wouldn't be mad at me for getting tutored, and I wouldn't have to worry about being pressured about being a virgin. Vanessa would be my best friend if you were Vanessa, and she's not.

I just wanted to tell you that, because you must be (if you are) reading these letters thinking "Who is this asshole I'm with?" Yeah, I am an asshole. That's never going to change no matter how old I get, but I'm your asshole, ok? And I will try my hardest to be the best asshole I can be for you, no matter what anyone else thinks. Above all else I will be there for you, even when you're a bitch, or I'm a bitch. I'm not going to treat you like I treated Clarissa, or Vanessa, or any of the other girls I have dated.

I might not be my best right now, but I promise once you come along I will straighten up, ok? I don't want you to think you have the wrong soul mate, I don't want you to think I will always be an insecure man whore, because you don't deserve that.

I don't have a lot to give, but I'm going to give you all of it because you complete my soul.

Your favorite asshole,
Grant