Dear Future Husband

May 2, 2019

Dear my bitch,

I got Alina a puppy and she seemed pretty excited about it so yeah, I guess you can say I'm kind of a kickass boyfriend.

When we went to Petco the other day, she couldn't stop playing with this one dog, so bad that I had to physically pull her away. She was in love with the damn thing and it seemed like the most obvious idea for the best promposal ever. I really didn't think her parents would agree to it either, so I just bought it and brought it over one day when Alina was at practice to try to convince them that they should let her keep the little guy. I was kind of screwed if they said no because I would have to end up keeping him—something I was not equipped for—or selling him which was just a lot of damn work. So it all worked out and now I'm the best boyfriend that has ever lived.

I'm kind of basking in my glory right now and all of my friends hate me for making them seem cheap which is kind of nice. I'm not used to being the big man of the group (I mean I am but they always make it seem like I'm not.) Anyway, it's good all around.

So yeah, now I'm going to prom. It's not the worst thing in the world. Yeah, I hate dances and school events but they really aren't that bad. They're only terrible when you've got an annoying girlfriend.

Lucky for me, I don't have one of those.

-Grant