Double Dose (Part 9)

Thirty-Seven Floors

Warning.... Might be a trigger ahead for some.

The warm water felt devine as it flowed over my sore body. I closed my eye's as Cole poured another cup full over my head. Soon as he secured me away in our home, he led me to the bathroom where he ran me a warm bath. The water quickly turned murky from the dirt on my body and this displeased Cole. Removing me from the tub, he drained the dingy water and cleaned the tub only to refill it and place me back in.

Cole proceeded to scrub me and I had to admit, it was very relaxing as he massaged the shampoo into my hair. Once he had me squeaky clean, he toweled me off and wrapped me in my favorite fleece robe. Taking me by the hand he tucked me into our bed then walked out. Within moments he returned carrying a tray of food. As sleepy and relaxed as I was the food reminded me that I hadn't really eaten in day's. As I dug in, Cole positioned a chair facing the bedroom door. Sitting, he removed his gun and stood watch.

After all of these year's I knew what was happening and why. Due to his condition and the recent events he feels as if someone will attack us at any given time. Yes, I could tell him that it was over and that we were safe but it wouldn't do any good. When he's in this state it's best to let him carry on as is or until he can grasp reality. My heart went out to him and all he suffers.

Reaching over to the night table, I grabbed my phone which caused Cole to jump. I held it up and wiggled it indicating that the noise had came from me. A slight smile creased his lips and I knew my Cole was still in there somewhere. Quickly I shot a group text to the family warning them not to bust into our home because Cole was on edge. The last thing I wanted was anyone harmed because Cole assumed it was an intruder.

With my belly now full and relaxed from my bath my eyelids begin to grow heavy but I found myself fighting sleep. For one I had so many more questions for my Pape and I just wanted to be with him right now but Cole would never understand right now. I had nearly dozed off when the sound of Cole's phone interrupted the silence. Peeking my eye's open I watched as he answered and interacted with the caller. It wasn't too hard to figure out that the person on the opposite end was Veronica. Cole sat far enough away that I couldn't dispatcher what was being said but I didn't like it.

Standing, I pulled my robe tightly and strode toward the door. "I'll be in the living room Coley". I snapped.

It unerved me that I didn't know how serious these two were about each other and I had too much pride to ask questions. Then on the other hand I had to remind myself that Cole and I were no longer married and he was free to do as he wished. Needless to say, I passed out on the couch in a worrisome sleep.

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Mizery

" Aiden please answer or at least call me back". I pleaded into the receiver of the phone.

It was only about the millionth message I had left him since he walked out. Fuck, I hate being this way. It surely makes for one hard life. What's even worse is the one's who don't completely understand my issue's. Nothing I say or do is well thought through and it's definitely not on purpose. Pape was right, it would take someone special to put up with me. I'm just as worthless as I always thought and no matter how hard I try to be normal, I fail. I'll never fit in, I'll never have normal and by the looks of thing's I'll never have love.

Yes, Aiden professed his love for me multiple time's and on my good day's I believed him but on my bad day's....  The damn voices always win no matter what. Constantly they raged in my head telling me that Aiden could never truly love me. That it is and always has been about merging the families. I was just a pawn in his game.

My heart knows that it isn't true but my mind can be very convincing. I'd give anything just to be a normal person that can have logical thoughts. I'm my own worst enemy and I can't do a damn thing about it. Sure, it's easy for someone to say that doesn't suffer like I do to just be honest with him, just trust him but it's easier said than done. My entire life I've been ridiculed by people outside of my family. It's been a lonely, friendless life. What if everyday of your life you were battling voices in your head? "You should dress like a boy to hide your ugliness. If you try to be her friend she will only laugh at your pitiful ass. No one wants you around, you're a burden. You should kill yourself. Don't trust them, their trying to hurt you. They secretly wished you would die."

Now do you get it? I was placed in such a shit situation with Aiden. At first he wasn't honest with me about knowing the masked people do my mind is working overtime on hideous thoughts. Yes, he eventually came clean but this pattern seemed to continue with us. I'd catch him in a lie, my voices would surge and some how I'd manage to quiet them and repair thing's with Aiden only for something else to occur. Seems simple right? Hell no it isn't, not for me anyways. I just don't bounce back like most. I was just a girl who had never been in love before and trying to fight those feelings to avoid conflict with the two most powerful families in America. At the same time I wanted to feel loved too but just like my voices predicted.... I'm unlovable. They are always right and I was a fool to try and be normal.

Hunkered down in my hole in the wall, I pulled my snake Charlie closer to my chest for comfort as I listened to and believed the voices. "You was too crazy for Aiden. He didn't love you enough, he didn't love you at all. No one wants an ugly nutcase. You're just a waste of space. You make your families life difficult. It's your fault that your parent's aren't together" .

Screaming, I covered my ears trying to drown the voices out but they only grew louder. This had to stop. Coming out of my hole, I tucked Charlie back into his tank and fished the crowbar from my closet. Minutes later I had the window popped open and my feet on the ledge. The frigid wind nearly took my breath away. Leaning my head out before my body, I faxed down the thirty-seven story building and begin to laugh as I envisioned my lifeless, broken body lying on the concrete below. No more pain, no more struggles, no more disappointing anyone and most importantly no more voices.

Sliding one foot off the ledge, I suspended it in the open air........

Only thirty-seven floors......