Double Dose (Part 9)

Crazy Runs Deep

She was for me, I knew it by the time I was twelve year's old. No, I didn't want her because of her extraordinary beauty or because she was the kings daughter. There was much more associated to my draw to her. Yes, she was my magnet, this powerful, calming essence. She was my peace.

This has never been easy for me to talk about. Most see me as strange, crazy, and I feel embarrassed or ashamed that my mind work's differently than other's. As a young child it wasn't really bad, in fact in was nonexistent up until I was around ten year's of age. Then suddenly I awoke one Saturday morning and like any normal kid I raced to the kitchen, grabbed a bowl of cereal then planted myself in the living room floor to watch cartoons. I'll never forget, I was watching Tom and Jerry and laughing at how Jerry always outsmarted Tom and that's when I heard the first of many voices. "You should set your home on fire".

At first I turned around thinking someone was behind me, talking to me but the room was empty. I saw my mom off in the distance toting a basket of clean laundry to her room to be put away and I could hear my Pape on the phone in his home office. Assuming I had just heard nothing, I tuned back into the cartoons. Then it happened again but stronger, louder. Almost as if it was bullying me. Burn it down. You know you want to" .

Once again I checked but there was no one. This continued throughout the morning and no matter what I tried it didn't stop. I turned the volume to the t.v. Up, colored, went to play with Dem, but the voices remained and I was too scared to tell anyone. Over the next few week's it would come and go. Each time the voices tried to convince me to burn the house down. They also became stronger and more aggressive that I would hide beneath my blankets sometimes silently crying. The worst was yet to come though.

One night I was jolted awake out of a deep sleep by the vioces. Sitting up, my body was drenched in sweat and I didn't feel like me. It was if something or someone had taken over my mind and body. Yes, I knew it was me but I was doing thing's I'd never normally do, thing's that I knew better than to do. It was hard for my young mind to comprehend that the voices were now controlling me. Even though I was scared and crying I was listening to the voice and acting out their commands. "Disable the fire alarms and start a fire in the kitchen while your parent's are asleep".

Even though I didn't want to, I found myself walking to the kitchen as my body shook. As if on auto pilot my small hand twisted the stove knob and the voice laughed as the flame ignited. It was like having tunnel vision as the voice instructed me to lay a kitchen towel over the flame. Instantly the flame grew and I stepped back as I felt it's best upon my skin. Then everything was shattered. I vaguely remember my Pape running toward me and yelling but I heard nothing. He tossed me into my mother's arm's as he managed to put the flame out. "What was you thinking?" He voice roared.

That's when I noticed my voices had disappeared abandoning me to face my parent's alone. It was then that I finally broke and told my parent's everything. My mom teared up as a strained look marred my Pape's face. He bent down to my level placing his hands on my shoulders. "Don't worry buddy, we will fix this. I know a good doctor that can help you."

By the time I woke the next morning the kitchen stove was repaired and I was whisked away to the doctor. On the ride the voices started up again. "You failed. You're worthless and now your parent's don't love you. The doctor is going to cut into your brain. You should jump out of the car".

When it became unbearable, I cried out. "Pape their back and telling me to jump from the car".

Pape pulled over and sat in the back beside while my mother drove. It was at the doctor that I discovered a hidden truth about my family. My Pape filled the doctor in on his father, my grandfather. My grandfather suffered as I do and eventually took his life. This only scared me more. Before I left I was placed on some meds and scheduled to see a shrink.

The meds did calm the voices but only temporarily. Eventually the meds grew weak and my dosage would be upped or I would be placed on something different. However there was setbacks to the meds. Some would zone me out and I'd feel like a zombie while other's juiced me up or made me have no appetite. I also begin to withdraw from other's. Demarco was the first to take notice. We were playing and a voice seemed to slip through my medicated mind. "Hurt him". It repeated.

Suddenly I found myself gripping Dem's arm as he squealed and I laughed. Eventually he broke away and came at me as to fight but his Pape snatched him up and carted him away. I saw London explaining my condition to him and knew that he'd probably poke fun of me. Instead he came back over and said. "Next time tell your voices that I will kick their ass. If you need to hurt me just punch me, not try to break my arm".

And just like that we went back to playing and I knew Demarco would be my friend for life. Around this time Miri had begun to hang out with us more often and that's how I knew she was for me. Sure, we played occasionally but now that she was older she was always around. Like Demarco she knew about my problem but never spoke of it. They treated me like I was normal. However other kid's picked up on my strangeness and taunted me but I was tough, I could handle them. Then one day Miri was there and had recently begun her training. Some kid started in on me and she laid them out. Miri protected me so I along with my voices vowed to always  protect her. Then I begin to notice that when she was around I was calmer, more relaxed and the voices quieted. She was my medicine in a sense and the voices wanted her as much as I did.

As teens Miri would lure me away and I'd gladly go as she wanted to experiment with kissing and such. That girl had me but I will admit we had a rough beginning. I did thing's that she shouldn't have forgave me for but to my luck she did. I'll never forget the first time I fully showed her the extent of my illness. She and her family had been abducted by that bastard Eli. I'll never forget how good it felt ripping his head from his shoulders. No one messes with Miri. She ran off with me that night when I was at my worse. I showed her how I like to play with fire and cut myself. She showed me how sneaky she could be and had me comitted. Yes, I was livid but I now know that she did because she loves me.

Later on Miri became pregnant and I wasn't happy. I never wanted kid's for fear of them turning out like me. No one should live this way. I'll never forget when I noticed the first signs in Mizery. I cried to Miri and together we helped her. I love all my kid's but I share a special bond with Mizery.

Now here we are. I had gotten better, better than I had been in year's then some fucker had to go and fuck with Miri. Now I'm back at square one but Miri is safe and I can defeat this again. She's currently asleep on the couch I'm assuming mad at me over my chat with Veronica. No one can take Miris place ever but I'm trying hard to give her the life she wants back. The life without worries and fights... A life without me.

Noticing that there seems to be a draft in the house, I cover Miri up and go to see where it's coming from. As I pass Mizery's door something doesn't seem right so I peeked in. Terror freezes me and I run over to the open window scared to see what I may find.