Double Dose (Part 9)

Surrender

Dearest Pape and mom,

                          It's been three long month's in the facility battling to get better. Finally I've reached that point and the doctor says I can return home soon. I miss you all so much, more than you'll ever know. That's why I'm writing this letter because what I have to say will be much easier on paper.

                       I won't be returning home again. I know you will never understand or agree to my reasoning but this is something I need to do for me. This is no one's fault but my own. Never blame yourselves or anyone else. This is my mistake and I need to own it. I need to pay for my wrong doing.

                     I am escaping the facility tonight and handing myself over to Severo Marritta. He is already aware of my plan and will be waiting for me at a disclosed location. This is what I want, what I need. True, the doctor's claim I am better but the truth is that I never will be better. Aiden is everywhere, all around me. If I return home he'll just follow me. There's no coming back for me this time. I'll eventually succumb to my voices again and again. The guilt is too much to bare anymore. I need peace, a peace that Severo is offering me.

                   I don't want to continue on knowing that I killed the man I loved beyond reason. Knowing that I could have saved him only makes it worse. In my mind I assumed that Aiden would save himself. That he would manage to escape his firey grave. I was so wrong. Aiden was stronger than I gave him credit for, I just knew he'd make it out of this. It hurts so bad knowing that I am responsible for his death. It hurts knowing that I continue to hurt you both as well as the rest of the family. Maybe I am taking the easy way out, who knows, but when I think of what I'm about to do a peaceful calmness fills me.

                 All I ask of you is to not blame the Marritta's or seek revenge. I know you'll never see it my way but I'm doing the right thing. I took his son from him and I'm repaying my debt. As for Hazel, release her. Sounds crazy I know but I killed her husband so we shall call it even. I do have Severo's word that once I hand myself over to him that he will no longer wage a war on any of you. By the time you receive this letter it will be too late to try and stop this or save me. A few day's will have already passed so don't waste your time. It will be for nothing.

               Please know how much I love you all and don't hurt for me. I won't be suffering anymore. This is what I want to do. Pape you have always been my hero and best friend. You taught me so much and stood by me. Death can't even break the bond we shared. I'll always be your little girl. I love you to the moon.

               Mom, you were the best. You always cared for me in a way no one else could. You understood me better that I understood myself. Don't cry for me. I love you more than words.

CJ, you drive me mad but I'm glad you was my brother. You were always there for me when I needed you. Love you. And Alice thank you. You showed me what it was like to have a best friend. You and Tia gave me something I've always longed for... Friendship. You don't know how much that meant to me. Love you both like sister's.

Jenell, my little brat. Yes, you can now ransack my closet among other thing's. You will shine one day. And when you call in love he will be the luckiest man alive but I'd still kick his ads if he hurt you. I'm already proud of you. Love you baby girl.

Tell uncle Dem that he was my favorite and he doesn't have to worry about me stealing his ice cream anymore. Send love to all of the family.

           Gpop, where do I even begin with you. I always looked up to you and still do. I could do no wrong in your eye's. I use to watch you and G mom and think to myself that I wanted a love like you two shared. Well I think it's safe to say that I screwed that up big time. I fell for Aiden because he reminded me of you but then again no one can compare to you. I love you to pieces and I'll give G mom a kiss from you.

I'm going to go now but please remember me and tell stories about me that will make you smile, laugh, anything but cry. Trust me.... I'm happy now.

P.S.   Please take care of Charlie.

I sat the pen down and carefully folded the letter and stuffed it in the envelope. Yes, many will think this decision is one of the stupidest thing's I've ever done but they don't know my heart. They don't live with my guilt and regrets and most importantly, they don't live with my illness. Currently I am better, that part was true but I know deep down that it's only a matter of time before the voices resurface. Aiden haunts me along with the guilt and pain that I've caused everyone. This only woresens my condition.

I now know that what I did to Aiden and the Marritta's was wrong. At the time I allowed my voices to control me. Never again will they have the chance to do so. I owe my life to Severo. I caused him and his family tremendous pain. Not only that I need to save my family from this war that I created. True, we are slightly bigger and stronger than the Marritta Empire but they are a family to reckon with. There's no doubt in my mind that if Severo attacked we would lose a significant amount of life and I can't allow that. I can't risk losing any of my family due to my mistake. Allowing Severo to end me will call him off, stop this war before it results in bloodshed.

No, it's not the voices telling me to do this. In fact my mind is clearer than its been in a long time. I'm doing this because it's the right thing to do. A life for a life.

Slipping out of the facility I had been placed in was far too easy but then again I'm an expert on escape. I walked for several miles until I reached the small, country town nearby. First, I located an ancient payphone and placed a call to Severo. "Yea". He answered groggily.

" Its me. I'm leaving now. Meet me in the designated location in twenty-four hours".

There was no need for further conversation so I hung the phone up. Walking across the now deserted street, I found a mailbox. Pulling the letter from my back pocket I looked at it for a long moment then placed a kiss upon it before dropping it in the slot. My next move was to find a car which didn't take long. There was a older truck parked beside a small food stand. My guess was that it belonged to a farmer that used it for hauling fruits and vegetables. Climbing behind the steering wheel, I hot wired the truck in no time and was off.

It was early morning when I arrived at the discreet location where I was going to surrender myself. No one was about at this hour and that I was glad for. It didn't take long but I finally found it. For minutes I stood in front of it and let silent tears slip from my eye's. Placing a hand on the cool, morning dew covered stone I whispered. "I'm so sorry Aiden. Please believe I never wanted any of this to happen. I did love you and still do. I'll be seeing you okay?"

" Not even in hell will you see him". A voice called out to me.

Turning around slowly, I held my hands high in the air above my head. In a matter of seconds several men were upon me and I was drug to the ground. In no time I was being lead away to face my death.