Stefan Salvatore's daughter ~ Miracle

94. It takes a monster to destroy a monster...

Gillian's P.O.V.

The sun is high in the clear blue sky, birds are flying and singing, squirrels are going from a tree to another while hiding, and a deer and a fawn not too far from me are peacefully walking around,... It's just so quiet and peaceful. Yet, it isn't as peaceful as I would like. I am kneeling in front of "Bonnie's stump" where the funeral happened days ago. I wanted to go back to give her my respect but... I wasn't ready. I wanted to spend some time with my family, and... I wanted to think of what I could possibly say to the witch. But I couldn't come with all the words I wanted. So I decided to come here this morning and to improvise with my heart. That's what I do best any... I think... I place the colorful bouquet at the feet of the stump before looking up at the sky. I don't even know if she sees me, if she is listening to me nor if she is even next to me right now. I close my eyes and take a deep breath...

- Bonnie... There is so much I would like to tell you in face to face... But you disappeared before I could even think of where to start... You actually disappeared tragically and unfairly. You should have come back with Jer. Everything would have been perfect. Almost perfect... I lower my head and take a new deep breath. I place my hand on the stump in front of me before I look down at the colorful flowers. I sadly crack a smile, hoping she is next to me. I know we didn't spend much time together, but you were still a great friend to me. You were strong and beautiful and... You had a whole future ahead of you. You could have gotten any job you would have loved to, get an amazing man who would have loved you deeply and entirely for who you are, have kids of your own, a beautiful and giant house... Have the life of your dreams, I say, still cracking a smile as my eyes lightly water up. I take my hand back but keep my eyes staring at the ground. I remember the night you and I fell in a whole where the door of the vampire tomb was. You bled and I vamped out which scared you. I'm so sorry for scaring you that night... I apologize to her with a sad frown. I look back up at the sky when I suddenly chuckle. And I remember when you, Care and I were at the store to get a dress for our last prom in high school. The one with the pictures and Elena was emotionless. We had so much fun in that store, I say with a smile, remembering that day. I lightly shake my head negatively, slowly losing my smile. Anyway... I just want you to know that I miss you and I love you. I always had so much respect for you, as a witch but also as a person. I just hope you're fine and safe wherever you are, I sadly smile, my eyes closed as I still have my head leaned backwards as I was looking at the sky. I feel a single tear rolling down the side of my cheeks as I take a deep breath. I reopen my eyes and stare at the stump one more time, placing my hand on it for a small moment. If only I could see her one last time... 

I slowly stand up and leave the clearing in a slow pace. The cemetery isn't far... I could go there a bit. I need it... Walking on the dry muddy ground covered of leaves and dead sticks, I approach the cemetery. And say I was here three days ago... This place is so sad and full of buried good memories... But I heard someone saying one day : "Don't cry because they are gone, smile because it happened."... It's well said, but so sad to hear... Anyway, I walk into the cemetery and immediately step straight to my uncle's grave. I know that way by heart... ALARIC SALTZMAN... It hurts to read his name every time I come here, but it feels good to know he isn't really gone at the same time. He's always part of us, even here... The flower I placed on his grave three days ago is still here and looking well. It's like someone placed a new and fresh one. But I know it is the one I put because it hasn't budge.

- Hey, Uncle Ric... I know I said I would come back soon but... I didn't think it would take me three days or so... I pause for a moment, taking a deep breath in and out. It's always so hard, but I know it will do me good to do this. I softly and sadly smile while weakly shaking my head negatively. I don't know where to start. So much as happened... I don't know if you saw me this summer, and truthfully, I kind of hope that you didn't. I was a monster and heartless and... A true Ripper again. I'm not proud of myself. I'm actually ashamed of myself and feel so guilty, I whisper sadly, staring at the grave of the dead teacher. I scoff, shaking my head negatively. I can't imagine how disappointed you must be as well. I'm so sorry, Uncle Ric. But I... I don't know what to think. I've changed lately. I'm... I close my eyes, grimacing sadly as I feel them watering up. A heavy lump starts to get formed down my throat. I take a deep and shaky breath in. I'm not myself anymore. I mean, I'm still me, but I'm not... Me. I am sad, hurt, desperate and almost hopeless at times. It's a luck that Kol is here with me. Otherwise, I would have been gone since a very, very long time... It was hard losing you another time, Uncle Ric. the first one was painful, but the second one was even more painful. You mean so, so much to me. You're my family, I say to my dead uncle, with a cracking and shaky voice, hoping he can hear me. I close my eyes and take some breaths, calming down. My vision is all blurry. Daddy's gone, you know. He... The night you disappeared again, I lost him as well. He was thrown into the Quarry by Silas during all summer and he suffered, I recount with sorrow, shaking my head negatively when my first tears roll down my face. And I didn't do anything. I didn't look for him because I was emotionless and being a b*tch for ripping innocents. I was a wreck... That's not me, I say while still shaking my head and getting upset at my own self. I sniffle sadly. I am not that thing I used to be this summer. It can't be me. I can't... I pause for a moment, feeling my lips shaking. I'm just so upset about my own self... I breath in and out, crying. But I have to live with it, like all the previous death I caused. I have blood on my hands and I will forever feel guilty about that because it will follow me until my death... Maybe even further, who knows? I whisper with an emotional pain in my voice. I frown sadly, looking up with upset eyes this time. They are still full of warm and thick tears. It's unfair, you know? I lost so many people. Well, I lost mom and dad but they came back. They... They aren't who they were, but I try to comfort myself by saying that they are alive and it is the most important thing. Oh! Mom is human again if you didn't know and... I pause myself again, sniffling sadly as I let a small sob out. It's so hard to say it out loud... And daddy's brain got fried... I whisper with a broken voice. He doesn't remember me... He doesn't remember that he is my daddy and that I love him so, so much since the day I was born. And it hurts me to a point, you can't even imagine, I say with an emotional and painful voice, now fully crying. I can feel my body shaking due to my crying. I just want my dad back... And I want you back... I whisper sadly, leaning in as I place my hand on his grave. Tears fall down on the tombstone as I stare at it, grimacing sadly and in pain. Why does it hurt so much? Even with time... I just loved you all and I still do... I never will stop loving you, Uncle Ric, I whisper sincerely, sniffling sadly again. If only you could be here with me. Maybe you could talk some sense to Elena or give her the lesson of her life for bullying me lately. She destroyed some of my memories with daddy... My dad is like my life and everyone knows that. You can't forget 146 years like that, not after everything we lived together... I say sadly while rubbing my thumb over the rock of the tombstone. I follow the first letter "A" of his name, grimacing sadly. I'm scared, Uncle Ric. I'm scared because I don't have you anymore, I don't have Aunt Lexi, I don't have my dad, mom is somewhere with a woman keeping her, Niklaus is in New Orleans with his family, and... Bonnie is also gone now, I tell him with a sad voice when I remember that I didn't tell him about Bonnie. Right... You don't know about Bonnie... She brought back Jeremy to life which is amazing, but it costed her life, I sadly and rapidly explain, closing my eyes to take some breath. It's sad how one of us can easily be gone. It's scary... I'm scared to lose, Kol, Uncle Damon, Caroline and Meryll and... Almost everyone surrounding me daily. I'm not even scared for myself. Just for them, I whisper sadly but sincerely and seriously. With my right hand, I wipe my cheeks, sniffling sadly. My eyes are burning due to the tears... I keep my left hand on his tombstone, trying to feel a connection with him the best I can. Anyway, I hope you're fine, Uncle Ric. I love you and I miss you so deeply much. I'll come back whenever I'll be back at Mystic Falls. I need to go back to college, showing Meryll the right thing to do, meaning starting by studying. Anyway... I love you, I finish to say by softly whispering to my uncle. I place two fingers over my mouth before placing them on the tombstone. I faintly crack a small, one last tear rolling down my face as I stare at the name of my dead uncle. I get up and turn around to step away. I need to clear my head before going...