Collided Paths ✔

Fixing My Mess

Raelynn's POV

" Raelynn?" The therapist questioned. 

I snapped out of my trance and looked from the window back to the therapist. 

" Yeah, sorry." I apologized. 

" No problem. As I was saying. Why don't you tell me about your coping methods." He suggested. 

I started to fumble with my hands that laid in my lap. 

" Uhh.. the usual I guess. Alcohol, and smoking."

He wrote it down on the notepad that I called the 'notepad of doom'. 

Everything I said went down on that notepad. 

" Why do you think you cope that way?"

I shrugged. " I guess it just the only thing I really know. It's the thing that I've found to help the most."

He shook his head. 

" Okay now tell me this, why do you choose that over talking to people?"

Honestly I didn't really know how to answer this question. 

" I don't really know." I answered honestly. 

He raised an eyebrow. 

" Well you have to have some reason."

I took a second and thought hard about my response. 

" I guess part of it is because I can't really trust anyone, and the other half is I'm just not the type of person to load all my problems on to people. I like to help solve other's problems Instead of mine."

He shook his head jotting down would I had just said before setting the notepad on his desk. 

" Your father mentioned to me that you don't know how to control your emotions, but I don't think that's true." He smiled leaning forward. 

" I think that you know how to control your emotions a little too much. Which means eventually when you control them too much over time you just explode." He continued. 

An unsure expression fell over my face

He examined my expression. 

" I'm going to take it as you don't feel the same."

I shook my head. 

" No. I don't really know. I've always been told that I was just like my mom, so that's all I really see in myself."

" That's because that all anyone ever see's is how you explode. Instead of holding your emotions to the point that you explode how about you try showing everyone the true you, your true feelings. Then they won't look at you as being an explosive person. They will look at you as being someone who in my eyes is hurting, and just needs time to heal herself." He said softly. 

I shook my head, biting the inside of my cheek. 

He checked the watch that laid on his wrist. 

" Unfortunately that's all the time we have for today."

I stood up shaking his hand before walking towards his office door. 

" Hey Raelynn." He called.

I turned around with my hand held of the door knob. 

" Yeah?"

" From today until our next appointment I want to give you some goals to accomplish." I shook my head hinting to him to continue. " First off I want you to show one person who your true self is. It doesn't matter who. Your friends, your family, anyone. Next, I want you sit down and look at your self in the mirror. Take a good look, and tell yourself that your not broken. Your not the person your mom was several years ago. From what I can see your doing way better then her."