'To whoever it may concern.
I feel like there is no better way to do this, but if you are reading this that means one of two things, i'm dead or i'm no longer in your life due to reasons neither of us can explain as to why.
If i'm not dead, i'm most likely somewhere across the world, don't come looking for me. Let's be real here, we all know that i'm gonna end up changing my hair and shit in hopes no one will recognize me.
Let me start off by saying Crawford, i'm sorry for everything, every argument we every had, every bad day we had with each other but at the same time i'm not sorry, it always made our good days worth it, every good memory it made all the bad ones worth it.
I hate the fact that our last argument lead to you telling me you never wanted me to get attached to you, when we both know that's a lie. I hate the fact that you hated the idea of me getting attached to you even after everything i've told you. You used a traumatic experience against me, it takes me years to get attached to someone, i could never trust someone after all the shit i've gone through with people. I've never had that used against me and I never thought you were gonna be the one to do so. I know it was out of the anger but I don't even remember what started this argument, but that night we called it quits, we broke down in tears and agreed to never contact each other again.
You see. It's such a funny thing, thinking you couldn't get attached to someone so easily, but when it came to you Crawford it's like I did, when we ended everything, I lost myself, I didn't have the one person who had my back for 2 years, i fell so madly in love with you and now that you are gone I feel completely lost.
You always talk about respect and all this shit that is a part of being with someone, yet you hardly play that role of being a respecting person, i've always allowed you to be open with me about anything Crawford, yeah you made sure i knew i could always count on you, but when it comes to opening concern about us, you back away and make me feel fucking stupid for even fucking caring if you are okay.
I'm sorry i didn't live close to you, and or that, i didn't have a normal upbringing. I hate the fact that people think i'm gonna get attached to them, but it's not the case and never has been.
I still remember the day i texted you saying, 'I'm not gonna get attached to you and i'm not attached to you, even if you think i am. I just like to make sure the people i know are okay. Sometimes if they don't piss me off'
I know it seemed like i wasn't attracted to you anymore, cause i would only talk to you when i was drinking for the last few weeks of our relationship and I'm sorry for that, but I've always been attracted to you that's why I decided to be with you.
Somethings just don't have an explanation, that's a thing I can't explain as to why I did it what I did but it's fine cause I'm doing better here.
I left you alone and heartbroken, I made it seem like I didn't care about you, but that was never the case. You mean so much to me and you always will. But somethings are just before off being dead and one of those things is our relationship.
Goodbye Crawford. I hope you find all the happiness in the world, I'm gonna try my best to find all the happiness I deserve. I'm sorry for everything, just remember you are loved and deserve to be loved.
From a better place,
Y/N'
That was the last I heard from Y/N, it's been 3 years since I've last seen or heard from Y/N. Last thing I heard was recently some fans spotted her in Argentina, I know fans have been seeing her all over the world, as far as I've heard from Brian was she's been traveling a lot for work, she became a really famous photographer and has a really good life now, she's been to every place we have only ever dreamed of going to.
Y/N is accomplishing everything she's ever wanted, it sucks to see that I'm no longer apart of her reality anymore but I'm glad I was at some point. I keep her letter in my side table draw and I read it whenever I start to miss her. When we both went our separate ways we both agreed to cut all contact, it's the reality of her leaving me.
We no longer talk, and she was recently in L.A and seen all my friends and I didn't join to respect her decision and to not feel even more heartbroken than I already was.
But there is also those times I go back to read Y/N's goodbye.
