Chenford - more depth

Chapter 1

It's now been in a week since Tim had rescued Lucy the captivity of Caleb. She is yet to return to work. He regularly checks up on her but she brushes him off saying she's fine. He knows deep down she isn't but doesn't want to push it.

-Lucy's pov
Scratching, kicking, the echoing of my breath in barrel'
I wake up in a panic, i jump up. I can feel my breathing being irregular, my heart beating out of my chest. I look down and lift my top up enough to see the DOD tattoo engraved into my skin. I scratch at it with tears starting to drop down my face. I open my bedside table and grab the metal tin. Opening it in a panic, I grab the blade. Taking it to my skin as these thoughts creep into my mind 'you should have died that day, you have no reason to have trauma you survived get a grip, stop being a burden to everyone". I can't stop. I know I should I mean I can't keep doing this.
I suddenly hear someone knock at my front door. 'Shit'. I quickly put the blade back into the metal tin and into the bedside table. - again another knock- I notice the blood dripping. 'Shit I don't have time to fix this'. "Who is it?!" I shouted. A familiar voice shouts back.
"Lucy it's me Tim, I called by on my way to work to check on you, can you let me in" he says in a worried voice.
'No no this can't be happening he can't see me like this. He can't know'. -I quickly wipe the blood as much as I can pulling a jumper over my head.
"One second tim!" I shout.

Tim's POV
I stand at the door waiting for her to come. I know she's hiding something. 'Why do i suddenly care so much about her. Is it the guilt of pushing her towards Caleb, or did nearly loosing her make me realise the feelings I had for her'. -I knock again-
"Come on lu.. erm boot!"
I see the door open, she stands there looking at me with her soft brown hair up in her signature bun, her bare face, stood so elegantly even though she's in shorts and a jumper. I can't help but stare at her for a second. Till I looked down and saw she was holding her wrist.
"Hey you good? Your wrist still hurting from before"

Lucy's pov
"Oh hey Tim.." ' I don't wanna lie to him but he can't know, I need to go back to work, I need to stop being a burden, I need to..' as I get lost in my thoughts I feel Tim staring at me as I didn't answer him. "Boot.." Tim said in a concerning tone.
"Sorry I'm half asleep" i lie
"Yeah it's still sore but I'm sure it'll be fine soon" I smile.
"Is there something you needed?"

Tims pov
I know that's not the case, she may think because she's done undercover work that she can lie but she forgets I've known her a long time. She was my rookie after all.
"Well keep an eye on it Luce.. you need to be taking it easy, and no I just came to check on you like always.. did you forget?" Part of me just wants to hug her and protect her from everything but I know she's strong and I don't want to push her.

Lucy's pov
"No... I didn't forget.. I just had a bad nights sleep and didn't realise what time it was. Im fine tim don't worry, you get off to work. We Don't want sergeant Bradford late for rollcall do we"
I need him to go.. I can feel the blood trickling down my arm, I try to keep pressure on it holding my wrist.

Tim's pov
"Please make sure you're getting some sleep, and if you need anything at all you know I'm here.. you've got a whole family at the station that will be there in a heart beat for you. You've got this Lucy" i so desperately want to just hug her, I can see the sadness in her eyes, the way she's talking doesn't sound like her anymore. I can see parts of her fading away. Maybe it's the trauma from what happened I don't know but something's telling me there's more to it. " I'll get off officer Chen but don't forget what I said"

Lucy's pov
I feel my eyes glaze over trying to hold my tears back. Part of me wants to say i appreciate it but part of me wants to tell him that it's bull shit and they all think I'm weak, pathetic, a burden. "Yeah.. right.. bye tim". I close the door, slowly sliding down the door onto the floor. ' what the fuck did I say that for.' I sit there going over and over the conversation. I roll my sleeve up looking at my wrist. ' what did I do this for'. I get up and go into the bathroom. I take my clothes off, staring at the mirror as I see the tattoo, the scars from Caleb, the scars from my self harm, the fresh ones. ' god I look a state'. I start to run the bath as I stare endlessly into the mirror disappointed in myself. I eventually get in, I close my eyes and I drift off to sleep.

Tim's pov
What did she mean by yeah right. Surely she knows by now I'm here for her and so is everyone at the station. I can't bear to see her like this. I turn to leave and I head to the station.
I walk in and see Angela.
She signals me over.
"Oh Bradford" Angela shouts
I walk over and look at her.
"How's Lucy doing? How are you doing?" She asked
"Oh I don't know how she is if I'm truthful Angela, she says she's fine but I don't know there's something off with her. And yeah I'm okay, you know me." Hoping this keeps off my case forgetting she's a detective and a good one at that.
"Timothy, she's been through a huge trauma, a trauma that I don't know anyone that's been through exactly what she has, it might be a while before she's back to her old self but I'm sure she's completely fine, she knows we've all got her back. And Tim, it's okay it wasn't your fault." Angela said
Fuck how does she know about the guilt I'm feeling.
"That's the thing Angela, I told her this morning that I'm there for her and so is everyone at the station. That we would all be there in a heartbeat. She looked reluctant and just said 'yeah.. right' I understand she's been through some stuff but I don't believe it's just that that's bothering her right now. I can't put my finger on it" I avoid Angela's last comment about my guilt.
"She did?" Angel said confused "that's odd, she's always believed in us all being a family, look what if I call past hers later today and see how she is? She might need a girl chat, unless you wanna get your feminine side out Timmy" she giggled.
I rolled my eyes
"Yeah I know she did, and haha very funny Angela but yes I'd appreciate you going over to have a chat. I might be being paranoid but id rather be over cautious than not at all"