Chenford - more depth

Chapter 28

Tim's pov
I feel Lucy fidgeting in her sleep, I look at the time and its 3am. "Lucy.." I say quietly...

Lucy's pov
I'm back at the hospital, I have my legs in the stirrups, Chris is holding my hand but not in the gently way. The pressure, the pain, the burning was way more intense than when I miscarried. I'm panting, I feel the doctor with his hands in between my legs. "You're such a good girl" Chris whispers into my ear. "Now you have no way you escape me when you have my child" he whispers again. I feel myself fidgeting to get away, to get my hand away from him. I feel the sweat and the tears rolling down my face. I've never felt pain like this.
"Lucy you need to push once more and then this baby is here. You'll have done it" I hear the doctor say. "You need to push hard on this next contraction" he says.
"You heard him Lucy you push, you better have this baby out on this next contraction. It's taken you long enough, I can see when you have the contractions. Don't make me give you consequences when this doctor has left" he whispers in my ear, squeezing my hand so tight I can feel it going red.
I bear down and push on the next contraction.. I feel Chris eyes staring at me it's all I can think about.. I feel the burning the pain. Then the doctor says "Lucy stop, I need you to stop pushing" no no no I can't.. the pressure.. the consequence... I stop pushing. "Ow oww" I say as the contraction passes through. "I need to check the cord isn't around his foot, you may feel some pressure but I need you to pant through it okay" he says as inserts his hand in my vagina to check. "Owww" I pant. I feel the grip on my hand getting tighter.  The doctor removes his hand.."okay Lucy you can push again on the next contraction okay?" He says. I feel the next one coming I bear down and push. "Ow" and just then it stops. I hear the baby crying.. I did it.. I actually did it.. the doctor says "well done you've got a healthy baby boy" he says as he places the baby on my chest.
"Hi little one" i say smiling down at him. Chris doesn't a single word. I deliver the placenta and then the doctor cleans me up and says he will be back in 5 minutes.
I didn't want him to leave..as much as Chris was hurting me during this it was mild compared to what he would be like if the doctor wasn't here.
"Gosh Lucy that baby is tiny..you moaned about the pain of being pregnant and labour and delivery for him to be this small" he says in his passive smug tone. "If you weren't so fat and greedy maybe my son wouldn't look like that.. you've messed him up already" he says as he slaps me across the face. "Not only that I told you one last push to get the baby out and you didn't.. you'd think you knew how to follow orders.. just you wait for this consequence when we get home" he says as he slaps me again.

I feel someone shaking me...I open my eyes and I look and it's Tim. I immediately burst into tears.. I feel my whole body shaking...
Tim pulls me in... "shhh Lucy you're okay.. you're safe.." he says over and over again. "What happened talk to me..." I hear that worry in his voice again.
"Maybe... it's a... good job I miscarried so... I didn't mess him up.." I burst straight back into tears again.
"Lucy.. what are you talking about" he lifts my chin up gently with his finger. "You wouldn't have messed your baby up, and you'd have been an amazing mum. I've seen how you are with children, and one day you'll be like that with our own baby. Now please talk to me.. what happened" he says.
Did he just say.. our.. and how can he possibly know this..
"Tim.. I was back in the hospital but Chris was with me. Id made it through the pregnancy..i was in labour. He was squeezing my hand. Not the way you do.. but yeah.. and erm.." I stutter as my mind goes back through it all again. "Go on.." he says.
"He's constantly whispering things in my ear.. that im such a good girl, that I can't get away from him now I'm having his child.. the doctor tells me I should have the baby out in the next push. So he tells me how he can see when I'm having them and that I better have this baby out on the next contraction or there's.." I say but I can't finish the sentence off i can't say that word. I see the anger in Tim's eyes..
"It's okay Lucy you don't need to say it.. I'm proud of you talking about this.. I know it isn't easy.."he says as he strokes my arm.
"The doctor tells me to stop as he needs to check the cord isn't around the baby's foot... and my first thought is I can't because.. I was scared of what Chris would do.. if I didn't get him out in this next push. The doctor inserted his hand and Chris just squeezed my hand tighter. The doctor adjusted the cord and told me to push. I do it.. Tim I actually give birth to a baby that's alive.. and crying.. I say hi.. Chris doesn't say a word.. there's so much going on.. the doctor delivering my placenta, my baby's alive.. and then there's Chris. The doctor leaves and says he will be back.." I say as I take a deep breath in. "Fuck Lucy..breath in for 3 and out for 3 if you need to stop just say.." Tim says.
"No I need to say it out loud to process it" i say.
"Oh yeah like that time you pretended to be on the phone to talk things through because you didn't think I'd do it with you" he giggles. I admit that was quite funny and it makes me smile for a split second.
"He tells me how.. the baby is tiny.. and that I did all that moaning through pregnancy and delivery for a tiny baby, he tells me how if I wasn't so fat and greedy his son wouldn't look like that.. that I've messed him up. He hits me a few times and then says that he told me one push to get the baby out and because I didn't that there would be major erm.. and that I should know how to follow orders by now" I immediately break down crying again.. I feel Tim cradle me, using all his body weight to keep me secure. I know he's doing this to calm me down. I scrunch his top as I hold it while I cry. He doesn't say anything other than he's sorry and that he's here. And that's all I needed. We hug for around an hour, i start twiddling with my chain.
"Lucy.." he says. "Mm" i reply back. "You know id never lay a hand on you.. id never want you to feel how he made you feel.. I'd never treat you like that in labour or through the pregnancy. Man if you had my baby, I'd feel like the luckiest man in the world, and I'd hope our baby would look exactly like you" he says and he kisses me on the cheek.
"Tim I know you wouldn't.. and if you trusted me and wanted me to have your babies I'd feel like the luckiest woman alive.. these nightmares aren't because of you Tim.." I say as I stroke his cheek and we both lay down cuddling each other.
"I love you Tim, and if babies are part of our future I promise to be the best mum I can be" i say smiling at him.
"I love you Lucy Chen, and I have no doubt about that. I know you'll be the best mum and I'll be the best dad when the day comes" he says as he kisses my forehead and we fall asleep.