Chenford - more depth

Chapter 53

Lucy's pov
Come on Lucy think..
- MCLCHEN
- MCL.CHEN
It's got to mean something. It has to. He recognised my birth mark, he said things that happened to me growing up, the word he said about me being pure triggered a memory I didn't even know I had. It was a flash back for a split second. The fact that MCL makes up our family.
"Baby here's your sandwich" Tim says as he puts my plate on the bedside table.
"Mhm" i say not realising what he's saying to me as I'm so focused on trying to figure this out whatever it is.
"Lucy?" He says looking at me
-MCL.com
"Lucy?" He says again. "Hey Lucy?"
-LMCHEN
I suddenly feel someone tapping me and I glance up and see Tim stood looking at me really concerned.
"Hm sorry I was in a world of my own" i say glancing at Tim then back at my notepad,then my laptop.
"I gathered as much but what's got you so distracted? You never use your laptop and then the notepad?" He asks confused.
"Oh nothing just looking into a cold case" i say to him hoping it throws him off. I mean in a way it's a cold case as it happened years ago but never reported. So am I lying to him.
"Lucy, you can stop for 5 minutes while you eat? I can help you on it if you're really this focused on a case?" He says as kisses me the forehead.
I know he's trying dig around to see what's going on but I can't. I can't let him know. This could all be nothing then me keeping my childhood a secret would have been for nothing. I promised myself on my first day as a rookie that no one would know about what happened to me growing up, I didn't want them to see me as this weak little girl that couldn't stand up for herself.
"You're good baby, I just need to work this one out myself. You know what it's like when you start on a cold case you want that satisfaction of solving it" I say as I smile at him.
"Hm okay babe but please eat" he says he kisses me on the cheek and then he closes the door and goes into the living room. 
Think. What did they call me as nickname,was it Lucy? What other variations is there?
I open up Google and search for longer versions of Lucy. Right. I open another tab.
-MCLUCILLE
-MCLUCINDA

Tim's pov
She's never once been like this over a case before, and if she is involved in a case like this she normally speaks it out with someone. She always does, she even pretended to be on the phone in the shop to talk through something when she thought i wouldn't. I go into the living room, I sit on the sofa and put music on the TV so she can't hear me. I pull out my phone and ring Angela.
"Tim?" Angela says worriedly.
"Hey we had a conversation and we talked some things through, we're okay. I also read the note and it became clear that she knew i wouldn't read it as she knew I'd not think to read it." I say rolling my eyes at the last part.
"Ah see a good detective she is." Angela says giggling.
"Yeah you could say that, but I need your detective skills right now" i respond.
"Why? What's going on" Angela says concerned.
"So when I came home she was taking her laptop and notepad with a pen into the spare room. She's been in there since, and it's like talking to a brick wall. I've tried asking her what she's doing, now she said it's a cold case and that she doesn't need help. But when have you ever known Lucy to not talk things through especially when she's doing a case?" I ask her.
"That is odd. She always talks things through that's her way of processing things. But how can she be working a cold case when she came in on her first day, was a TO then has been undercover since? She hasn't been given a cold case and she didn't have any on her file when she went on leave as they got transferred over. Do you know what it's about? Anything about it at all?" Angela says trying to figure out what Lucy is on to.
"That's a good point, I didn't think of that." I say.
"And that's why I'm the detective and you're not. Now anything you know or saw that she's looking into?" Angela says.
"Erm she was writing these letters on her note pad which I'm assuming is everything she's googled so far. Now the letters kept changing order or letters would be added but they seemed to be MCL" i say hoping that Angela has some idea. 
"Oh crap" Angela says deeply concerned.
"What? What is it?" I say panicking.
"Think Tim to the debrief." Angela says
"Nothing was mentioned about MCL" i say confused and panicked.
"Shit no it wasn't. That was the audio we heard when she was with Mateo in that room." Angela says. I can hear the sincere worry in her voice.
"Angela tell me because I can tell you're worried and now I'm freaking out" i say literally about to freak out.
"Look you can't go running in there kicking off or asking questions as she will shut down. She will shut down properly Tim. I don't know the full extent of it but I can tell you what I do know if you promise me you won't go in there asking questions or anything like that? If you love her you won't do it?" Angela says.
"Okay okay I get it. I won't say anything. I promise" I say really worried.
"I mean it Tim. I genuinely believe that if you go in there asking all these questions or what not that you'll loose her for good. Wouldn't even surprise me if she upped and left and transferred stations" Angela replies.
"You're seriously worrying me now Angela. I won't say anything I swear but I need to know" i say as I feel my heart racing.
"Okay so in the debrief Martin and Natalie and even Grey asked her about this. When in the operation Mateo mentioned her birth mark how he recognised it but it was paler then he remembered. So in a way it was a good job she was so malnourished , and unweight because he'd have figured her out. Now Lucy made him believe it was her sister, but he described this horrific childhood, about being beaten black and blue, starved, recorded without her knowledge, being chained up, forced into sexual activities by the persons parents friends. Now Lucy has profusely denied that it is her. But he mentioned something about a website where he saw her in quotation marks sister. He said it was something along the lines of MCL. Now this could be about Lucy's childhood or she could be just being curious about what he said. And if it is that she's curious then  she probably isn't telling you because she knows what you're like." Angela says
"Fuck. Fuck" I say panicking.
"Tim you said.." Angela says stressing.
" I ain't going in don't worry, but what if it is her childhood and she's in that room now and finds these videos of herself as a child?" I say, I feel my leg shaking.
"Tim you're doing it again. You're spiralling. Look what happened last time you spiralled you nearly lost her this time you will. Even if you hadn't have had this falling out and this happened you would still loose her. She's gone through so much and she's been open with you about a lot, so if this is true and she hasn't told anyone then it's hurt her in ways that she's blocked it out to protect herself. This may be nothing. Or it may be something but you can't do anything about it unless she approaches you. I know it's hard but you've got to." Angela says. "Look I need to put jack to sleep he's just woken back up. It's late. Check on her briefly before you go to sleep, see if you can get to come to bed so she isn't looking into it all night but don't be too pushy with it. Now good night"
"Yeah you're right. And okay goodnight. I'll let you know tomorrow if anything changes" I say as I put the phone down. I lay back into the sofa with my head back and eyes closed. My mind goes racing, what if that is her childhood and she finds videos? If it is her childhood why didn't she tell anyone or me? She knows we could help her? Maybe that's why her parents didn't want her to be an officer. I hope that wasn't her childhood, I was tough on her when I was her TO but she handled it well. Looking back she did flinch sometimes if I went near her, she never ate at the lunch truck I just assumed she didn't like their food. Come on Tim there's no point in spiralling about this, Angela has just warned you what will happen. And if it's true that I'd loose her if I spiral or ask her about it and it's true then I can't risk it. But I could ask her about the operation and see if it comes up.