Chenford - more depth

Chapter 62

Tim's pov
It's like being stuck in a nightmare. I just keep staring at her, praying and hoping for something. She's got to fight, she has to.
I feel the tears streaming down my face, my leg shaking, I see how I'm covered in her blood. We was going to try for a family tonight.
I was so excited for her to come home, so I could just be with her. To start our family was a dream.
I notice that they stop doing CPR. They don't even get a chance to say anything before I shout "WHAT? NO DO NOT STOP!"
"Tim look she's got a rhythm, it's weak but it's there we are here we need to get her in" Bailey says as the ambulance pulls up.
"She's fighting Tim" Bailey says she places her hand in my shoulder for a brief second.
The ambulance doors burst open, they start wheeling her off the ambulance in the gurney, i instantly grab hold of her hand tightly.
We run into the hospital, I don't even know what I'm doing, I just know Lucy's fighting she's trying.
"29 year old female, gunshot victim to the ribs potentially to the lung, lost a lot blood, unconscious. Lost pulse for around 3 minutes. Pulse is tacky and weak but it's there!" Bailey shouts as she hands the gurney over to the doctors and nurses.
"Tim you need to let go" Bailey says as I still hold onto her hand.
"No i can't. I'm not leaving her!" I shout back but as I do I feel my body being dragged backwards, my hand sliding away from Lucy's, our fingertips graze for a split second and she's gone down through the double doors. It's Angela, she's pulling me in to her. Holding me tight. And that's it. That's the moment I break. I feel my body just fully break down, tears streaming down my face, my body shaking, my breathing so irregular.
"Iii... canttt.." I stutter as I choke on my tears.
"Shh Tim breathe" Angela says as she holds me close.
"What's happening?" Angela asks, she's afraid to but she asks.
"I don't.. know.. they got a... pulse.. as we... pulled up.. it's weak" i say trying to find the words, I pull back from Angela and I sit in the chair.
"Tim that's good! That's hope, that's Lucy fighting. She's one hell of a fighter you know this" Angela says reassuringly.
"She's right son, she will fight" Grey says.
I take a deep breathe in.
"What if she's too tired? What if.." before I can finish my sentence I get interrupted.
"We don't think about the what ifs. We think about the current situation. She's in the best hands, she's got a pulse son,she came back. She's fighting and that's all we can go off right now" Grey says as he puts his on my shoulder. I know he's trying to be supportive and reassuring but I can see the fear in his eyes. I known him long enough to know what he's thinking. He's not fully convinced.
"Tim if Lucy was stood there right now she would tell you to use your cop head and think. She'd want us to look into this. So let's do that" Angela says.
"I don't think she would. Not this time." I say looking at the floor.
"What? Why?" Grey asks.
"I think it's linked to this whole thing Mateo said about her childhood, when she was... erm.. laying there.." I couldn't bring myself to say the words that she was what? Bleeding out? Dying? "She said that if I look into what he said to not think of her as weak, she was... erm.. how she was.. and she was worried about me thinking she was weak. I could never in a million years think she was weak."
"She did? Nothing could make appear as weak" Grey says with this confused but sad look.
"She truly is a bad ass" Angela says trying to lighten the mood, she always does this when she's scared or nervous. She rambles.
"Tim you know we have to look into it, if we can solve it now then when the higher ups ask what went wrong we can just say something. I don't know what yet as I'm sure she won't want them to know whatever this is" Grey says.
"Yeah I know but I just need her to pull through right now" i say. "What's taking so long?" I say panicking.
"Tim we have to stay calm. Look no news is good news rights now while she's in surgery" Angela says reassuringly.
"Or what if she's dying.. on that table.. surrounded by strangers.. scared.." I say breaking down.
"Tim she's fighting, you know she will be fighting. And she isn't surrounded by strangers, she knows nurse Lisa and she's surrounded by the best surgeons there is." Grey says.
"She will get through this, then you'll be having that family really soon that you talked about" Angela says smiling at me. I knew what she was doing. She was keeping mind occupied just like I was doing with Lucy, when she was laid there. I wanted Lucy to keep talking to me, to keep her from thinking about well dying.
"You talked about a family?" Grey asks.
"Yeah, 2 little mini us is the plan. We was going to start trying for a family after all this" i say kind of smiling at the thought of our little family.
"You will." Angela says.
"I told her that I can't wait to marry her, I want my future with her." I say sighing deeply.
"That you will son" Grey says smiling.
"Ooh another bet I can make with Wesley" Angela says giggling.
"That poor man is going to go broke" Grey chuckles. Angela giggles and I smile just for a second.
"Oh I joked saying that she will probably be 70 still trying to do undercover operations and she had the cheek to say probably" I say chuckling at the thought of us at 70, with our two children who may have their own lives, no idea how many grandchildren but a life so full of love. Hearing her hounding me about going undercover. It's funny because it probably would happen.
"Yeah that sounds like our lucy" Angela says.
"Definitely does, I can definitely see that happening. You'll have your hands full" Grey chuckles.
Then the door opened, three doctors walked in. I try to gage what's going to be said by their faces but they're as good as us. They keep their faces emotionless.
I felt my heart drop, did I want to know if she was dead? Or can I just back to thinking she's alive? That hope that I got when Bailey told me she had a rhythm.