Chenford - more depth

Chapter 21

Lucy's pov
Why is it pink.. no no no come on surely not.. i can feel myself panicking. Think logical. I can hear Tim's voice telling me to think logical. Logical. I'm loosing this baby.. logical I've caught a self harm mark.. logical Lucy. Come on. I sit there for a second in a daze trying to figure out what's happening, I place my hand on my stomach. Please..
"Lucy? I've got you some food you coming" Tim shouts i know he's not believing me, he knows me too well.
"I'm just gonna get out and get dried you start without me" i shout back. I slowly step out of the bath, looking at the water. Okay maybe I caught a cut, maybe it's where the IV was. I know in my gut.
I grab my towel, slowly patting myself dry and then looking at the towel to see if I can pin point where the blood is from. This is the first time I've had to look at my scars well since ever.. every time I lift the towel up nothing... I feel disappointed... I've never wanted to bleed somewhere before.. maybe I'm being dramatic maybe it was a cut but it's stopped now. I stop and see myself in the mirror, I place my hands around my stomach. I just stare for what feels like eternity. I grab my oversized top, I say mine it was Tim's but it has his scent on it and he gave it to me keep me calm. As i do I feel a twinge, and I look down and see blood trickling down my leg... no no no please. I slide down the wall.

Tim's pov
I know somethings going on, she's not being truthful to me. I know that she doesn't know I know that she self harmed again the other week. She thinks she had it from me by using the bobble to keep the sleeve down but I saw the blood seeping through hence why I had laid holding her wrist. I knew it wasn't comfortable for her but I needed to stop the flow.  Luckily Angela walks in.
"Hey Tim how's things?" She says but she can tell I'm not fully with it.
"She's been in there a while, she claims she fell asleep but she's been saying she's getting out for a while. I heard her say no no no a few times. I'm worried ang" i whisper unsure if Lucy is listening in.
"Do you think she's relapsed" Angela whispers back.
"Potentially, I think we need to go in ang" i whisper as i walk towards the bathroom door.
I knock gently. "Lucy it's just me Tim and Angela are you decent can we come in?" I say waiting on her response.
Nothing.
"Lu" I say again.
"Lu I'm coming in" I grab one of her hair clips off the side and use it to unlock the door. I didn't know what to expect when I opened that door but it wasn't that.
As i open the door, I see Lucy slid down the wall, in the what would be normal sized t shirt that I gave her, her legs bent with her arms around her stomach. Holding her little belly, she's staring straight ahead she's not even noticed that I've come into the room, her eyes glossy. I look down and see the blood in between her legs.. and in that moment I knew.. I was relieved it wasn't the self harm but part of me wishes that it was. I think she'd come round to the idea of having the baby, she was petrified of having the baby and I mean petrified but I think this scared her ever so slightly more. I look at Angela just for a second, unsure of where to go next. She just looks at me and says "you'll know what to do, just trust yourself" she says as she goes out of the room to give us some space.
I crouch down next to her, "lucy..babe it's me" i say as I fully sit down next to her placing her head on my shoulder. I stroke her her hair, and then I just feel her nestle her face into me, my top becomes wet from her tears but I honestly didn't care. We sat there for about 5 minutes, stroking her hair. Telling her that I'm here to just remind her that she isn't alone.

Lucy's pov
I'm nestled into Tim's top, the tears are just flowing and I don't even know how to stop, I could feel his top getting wet and I felt awful. I feel him playing with my hair, and hearing him saying "I'm here" over and over just relaxes me. I sit up, I know I need to face this and that as much as I wish staying nestled into Tim would fix it, it won't.
I sigh deeply, "I'm loosing the baby aren't I.." it's all I muster out before breaking back down crying again. It's 6 words that I never wanted to say, or hear from anyone. All of sudden the twinges get worse. "Owww" I say while scrunching forward. "Make it stop.. Tim make it stop oww".
I look down while I'm scrunched over and I see the blood on the floor, i really am loosing this baby..