Chenford - more depth

Chapter 91

Lucy's pov
"Lucia...Lucy"
I spin around immediately picking up Jack, holding him close to my chest. Placing my hand over his ear so he can't hear what's going on, but also so I can keep him close to my chest. Basically grounding him like Tim does with me.
I see her walking towards me, this look on her face that just gives me a shiver down my spine.
I know I need to be calm, I know I can't let Jack see me scared.
I just stare at her unsure what to do or say. I know if I walk off it's going to cause a scene.
"Are you not going to say hi to me?!"
"Hi" i say awkwardly.
"Honestly you'd think i had hit you with the way you're looking at me!" She chuckled.
Did she really just say that.. after everything she has done to me..
"What do you want?" I say sternly.
"I wanted to say to my daughter is that so wrong of me?"
"Mum i can't do this right now, i need to go"
"Aw Lucia look at that sweet boy in your arms, that would have been you in a couple of years if you hadn't been so weak and failed"
"Mum i get it, okay? I know I lost my baby I know that I failed. I know that I'm weak. I know that if I tell anyone they'll not believe me and they'll see me as that weak little girl. Now please I need to go, if you want to continue this conversation can we please.. please do it another time.." I say firmly at the first but then start to panic towards the end of it realising what I'm saying.
"And she fights back or attempts to. Gosh you're so weak I'm surprised his mum lets you watch him"
"Bye mum" i say walking off. I just keep Jack close to me the whole time.
I feel the tears rolling down my face but i have to smile. I have to.
For Jack.
I walk into the house and I put Jack down on the sofa, then placing his bag by the door and the groceries on the kitchen side.
I quickly wipe my tears away.
"Lulu"
"Yes sweetie"
"Lulu okay"
"Lulu is fine pumpkin" i smile at him, kissing him on the forehead.
"Now shall we give you a bath so you're all clean for when mummy comes home and then you can help me make food?"
"Okay me help"
"Good boy come on then"
I take Jack into the bathroom, I run him a lukewarm bath with lots of bubbles for him to play with.
I just try to ignore what's happened and focus on playing with the bubbles with him.
I then get him out, dried and changed into his spare clothes.
"Me help lulu cook"
"Yes you can come on then"
We walk into the kitchen, i sit him on the side as get him to pass me in the ingredients while holding on to him at the same time.

About an hour goes by and the foods ready, it just needs serving so I put him down onto the chair. Then the door opens and in comes Angela and Tim, "mummy Timmy" Jack screams.
"Hey buddy" Tim says
"Hey little man, you been a good boy for auntie Lulu"
"Yes mummy, donkeys and beach"
"Did you go to the beach and ride a donkey"
"Yes mummy me help lulu cook"
While that's going on Tim walks behind me wrapping his arms around my waist, I turn around, putting my arms around his neck. I kiss him passionately.
"Baby are you okay?" He asks worriedly.
"Let's serve" i say removing my hands and i plate the food up and they all sit down. He keeps looking over at me.
"Thank you again Lucy for watching him, he looked like he had a great time"
"It's no bother, I enjoyed spending time with him today" i say handing her a glass of wine and Tim a beer.
I sit down and we all start eating, I have around 2 small mouthfuls but that's all I can manage.

We talk about random things that Jack wants to talk about that is until Jack says something and at first we're all a little confused.
He looks at a magnet on the fridge that is small but it has a moon and a few stars on it.
"Mummy look" he says pointing at it
"What is it sweetie?"
"Lulu and Lulu baby" he says smiling
They both just look at me.
"It is" I say and then I turn to Angela and Tim.
"I'm sorry.. we was shopping I stopped and stared at the baby clothes.. it made me think of.. my baby and.. he asked me saying 'lulu baby' I didn't want to lie to him.. i know I should have asked you but I just took him to a quieter area and said 'Lulu had a baby, but the baby was too.. bright for this world so Lulus baby is in the sky, a star' he looked up at me, and said 'a star?' I said yeah and showed him my necklace. He pointed to the star and said 'Lulu baby'
I smile and nod. He then points to the moon and says 'Lulu', Angela I am so sorry" i say panicking.
"Heyy Lucy you don't need to apologise he asked question and you answered in the best way, id rather him ask questions then feel like vent ask. And I would never ask you to hide your baby from him, that's still a part of you and our family" Angela says reaching her hand out to mine.
"Thank you" I say smiling.
"Lucy I'm proud of you" she says.
"Don't make me cry woman" we all kind of just laugh.
"I do have one question" I say looking at Angela.
"What?"
"Did you ask Jack to ask if Lulu and Timmy love each other?"
"No  I didn't"
Tim gets interested in the conversation.
"And if me and Timmy will have a baby"
"That is a no comment" she says smiling.
"Oh Angela that's why you and Grey made a big deal earlier" Tim says rolling his eyes. 
"What did they do?" I ask intrigued.
"Erm" Angela says.
"Well I showed them the photo you sent of Jack and then the one of you and Jack. They both made the comment about how that's my future" Tim says.
"Oh really?" I say turning to Angela.
"Maybe" she says.
"So who's in on the bet?" I ask her.
"Yeah who do I owe a drink to now? Better not be poor Wesley" Tim says chuckling.
"Oh the irony" i giggle.
"It's not like that, I know that you both mentioned when you was in hospital with the miscarriage about how you both wished it was a different situation and I don't just mean the miscarriage"
Me and Tim both look at each other. We know we wanted a family but we both never knew we had the same thoughts that day.
"You thought that?" I say looking at him.
"Erm yeah i did, I didn't think you did"
"Yeah I did, why did you think I was so persistent about that promise" I say
"I want that with you.. when you're ready"
"I want that too, I just need to talk to you later" i reply back.
"Okay baby" he says smiling.
"Talking" Angela winks.
"Funny but no it is a conservation"
After everyone's eaten, I clean up and Angela lays Jack in the spare room as he's tired.
As I finish the last plate I turn around and look at Angela and Tim who are sat on the sofa. Angela is sat on the one opposite Tim.
"Tim.." I say nervously.
"Yeah baby?" He says looking at me.
"I need to tell you both something.."
"What is it?" They both say and I sit down next to Tim.
"Tim I'll go into more with you after Angela goes but it's only right I tell you this.."
"Lucy what is it" Angela says.
"Baby come here" he pulls me closer to him, puts his hand on my thigh and I put my hand on top of his.
"So when I was out today, on the way back from the shopping centre, I heard someone call my name and a nickname I had.. Angela I know you're a good detective so you will figure this out.. not all of it but it will make sense..."
"Go on.." she says.
I feel Tim's grip on my thigh getting tighter.
"I promise you that Jack was safe, I immediately picked him, held him close to my chest, my hand on his ear so he couldn't hear" I say stressing realising that Angela is thinking the worst which is understandable when she's his mum.
"Lucy, I know he is safe with you. You're the only person other than his dad and Tim that I will leave him for. I mean if Tim or Wesley, no offence took him to the beach I would he having heart palpitations but with you I knew he was okay don't worry" she says reassuringly.
"Baby you've nothing to worry about" Tim says.
"Look I need to say this, I don't want you to interrupt me because otherwise I can't continue it on. And babe I promise that I'm going to go into more detail later. It's nothing against you Angela I just need tell Tim, it's scary enough telling him"
"I'll be here babe, it's okay" he says kissing me on the cheek.
" you don't owe me anything, I know you've to speak to Tim first and whatever this is I know it isn't easy for you" Angela says reassuringly.

Tim's pov
The minute she mentions the nickname, I know exactly who it's about.
I know she's going to tell us about her parents but what does she mean she's going to go into more detail later with me.
I know i wanted to know, and for our relationship I needed to know but to know it's going to happen now it's scary. I can't imagine how she's feeling, I know that this is huge for her.
It's the one thing she's never told anyone. I don't know how much she's going to tell us both right now or what she's going to tell me later.
But no matter what I know that I need to be strong. I need to be there for her.
I tighten my grip on her thigh to let her know I'm here, then I take her other hand holding her pinky. Her hands are sweaty. I know she's scared, I look at her and it's that look that I saw before when that gang leader had her chained. The look of her fire being gone, almost child like which is kind of ironic to say the least.
I feel my feel my heart racing and it's not even me.
Angela looks at me and I look at her, I make the connection that she's gaged where this is going to be going.

Lucy's pov
"Okay.."
I take a deep breathe in, my hearts racing and I'm glad that Tim has hold of my leg as I can feel it shaking.
I know that this isn't even the worst part, speaking to Tim after is where it's really going to feel like I'm drowning.
This first step. There's no going back after this. I can't go back. I can't live this life of having it being held over me.
They're still controlling my life, I mean even my own body because I'm too scared to eat or to have my own family.
I want my family. I want me and Tim to be happy. I want to live my life without feeling like I'm lying to him.
A baby isn't going to happen if I don't do this.
Spending time with Jack today has made me realise how much I actually want this.
Come on Lucy. I can do this.
I need to do this.
I feel my throat feeling dry.
"Part of this may sound like it didn't happen to me but that's because half of it I've detached myself from to protect myself so I apologise. I also apologise for not telling you"
"Lucy you did what you thought was right to protect yourself. It's your childhood, it's your life you don't have to talk about it with anyone because it's your right." Tim says.
"He's right" Angela says.
"Later on they might be different Tim and I apologise if I break down or if I come across as weak and vulnerable"
"Baby, no one could ever think you're weak. It's okay to be vulnerable, I want you to feel safe around me that you can."
"Lucy you know I think you're a badass, nothing could change that"
"I do feel safe around you Tim" I say kissing him.
I take a deep breathe in.
Here goes nothing.
"So.. I turned around and saw my mum. I didn't know what to say or do.. she walked towards me and said 'Are you not going to say hi to me?'  I wanted to avoid a scene so I awkwardly said hi back to her. Her response is what got me because she said 'Honestly you'd think i had hit you with the way you're looking at me!' It was just the irony of it all. Did she really just say that.. after everything she has done to me..
I ask her what she wanted. She made out like she was trying to be a decent mum and I was the one being a bitch as she said 'I wanted to say to my daughter is that so wrong of me'
I told her that I needed to go and that I couldn't do this right now.
What she said next broke a piece of me.
She said 'Aw Lucia look at that sweet boy in your arms, that would have been you in a couple of years if you hadn't been so weak and failed'
I obviously held Jack closer than ever before. I was scared, I'd had enough. I knew if I walked away I wouldn't know how she'd react.
I stupidly snapped at her.  I said to her that 'I get it, okay? I know I lost my baby I know that I failed. I know that I'm weak. I know that if I tell anyone they'll not believe me and they'll see me as that weak little girl. Now please I need to go, if you want to continue this conversation can we please.. please do it another time.." I say firmly at the first but then start to panic towards the end of it realising what I'm saying. Her response was that 'she fights back or attempts to. Gosh you're so weak I'm surprised his mum lets you watch him'
I just can't do it at this point so I say bye and walk away.
She leaves me alone but I keep Jack close to me the whole way home.
That's why Tim when you came home and thought I'd been crying I had. Jack didn't see but yeah I did.
I needed to tell you Angela because your son was there and it was only right."
I ramble all this, half wanting to see and read into their reaction but also petrified too.
I let out this big sigh. Anticipating their response. I could see this going a hundred and one different ways.