Chenford - more depth

Chapter 51

Lucy's pov
I just keep walking because I know if I turn around and he's following me I'm going to break down and cry into his arms. Then he will think it's all over and forgotten about but I can't forget this hurt. I don't understand how he has hurt me so much. I've been through worse but i guess it's because i genuinely do love him, I felt safe with him. I mean he was the one I held while I gave birth to my dead baby, how vulnerable I was during that and all I wanted was him.
If I turn around and he's not following me then I think I'd still break down because that means he's given up he doesn't care like he said he did. Either way it'll break me so if I keep walking I can live in the unknown. I know I have to get an Uber because my car is at home, his whatever it is. I'm not sitting in the car with Tim and if I go with Angela she will ask questions about my childhood or about Tim again resulting in me breaking down. I can feel my heart breaking.
I walk through the station avoiding eye contact with everyone.

Tims pov
"Lucy!" I shout as I see her walking off.
"Fuck" I say as the door shuts and I slide down the wall with my hands over my face.
"Tim what are you doing?" Angela asks
"What do you mean what am I doing? I've just fucking lost the love of my life. Yes Angela you can say it. I've royally fucked this up. I know I have. The fact she's just admitted that I've hurt her in ways that she didn't think was possible after everything she's gone through. She's going back to our.. home and packing." I ramble feeling myself getting worked up.
"Yes you have but why are you sat there? Why aren't you going after her?" Nyla asks
"She has made it clear that she doesn't want me around her, I mean she gave up on us before she left when she left her promise ring. I just pushed her to the point where she doesn't want to come back and save this" I say as I feel my heart racing, my stomach dropping from the realisation that I have fucked this so far up that I've lost her. I've hurt her in ways she didn't think was possible after what's happened with Chris and Caleb. I've said some horrible things to her, I've treated her in ways like Isabelle did to me and I know how much that hurt. I didn't mean to I just do. I don't think and I'm not used to being in a relationship that I don't think how's it's affecting her. I've been so focused on my guilt that I haven't even paid attention to her trauma. She's been too busy caring about me to even care about herself. She told Angela to keep an eye on me while she was gone.
"Tim did you even read the note with that ring?" Grey asks.
"Fuck no I didn't.." I reply back. "I've fucked it..she's gone"
"So what you're going to let her walk and go back to yours and pack? You aren't going to fight for her? Have that conversation that you both need?" Greys says.
"Sir?" I look at him confused as to why he's involved. It wasn't like him. I knew he was a fan of Chenford but it felt odd.
"Look I don't normally get involved in this stuff. But I can see how much you both love each other. You've hurt her Tim I won't sugar coat that but if you don't go after her you won't get her back" grey says
"He's right, you need to go. If she's the love of your life go tell her." Angela says.
"Go show her!"  Nyla shouts as I get up and run out of the door.
"Oh and read that damn note boy!" Grey shouts.
I run down the corridor, down the stairs. I didn't get how out of breath I was I needed to see her. As I get to the station doors I don't see her anywhere.
"Fuck" I run to my van and immediately set off going after her.

Lucy's pov
I get out of the uber, I tip him and then walk into the house. Kojo immediately runs up to me jumping up and down. His little tail wagging. "Hey baby mummy's here, I'm so sorry I left" I say as I bend down and allow him to gives me kisses. "You're such a good boy" i say as I give him a treat. I look around and I see the promise ring still sat where I left it. I mean it had moved but the note was still perfectly folded. I roll my eyes at it but I try not to dwell on it too much. I head into the bedroom, and as I look over to his bedside table I notice something new. It was a picture frame. I picked it up and looked. It was a photo from the video Angela had taken from when he had asked me to be his girlfriend.  He's picked me up, his arms around me, my arms around his neck. We both have the biggest smile and we're touching noses and looking straight into each others eyes. I just stare at it remembering that day like it was yesterday, how happy we both was, how content, id do anything for us to go back to that day so we could re do everything that's happened the last few days. Or even if we went back to the day before Tim went to work, when we chilled all day and then we slept together for the first time. He made me feel so safe, listened to and happy. I put the photo frame back down to where it was, I go into the wardrobe and grab one of my oversized t shirts and some clean underwear. 
I walk into the bathroom closing the door. I takes my clothes off wincing in pain as I take my joggers off over the bandage on my leg. I stand there looking at myself in the mirror and I see the bruises and the black eye. I don't even recognise myself anymore and it's not even the bruises I don't know what it is but it isn't me. I've lost that sparkle that I'd gotten back. I could feel myself slipping back into my old ways.
I get into the shower making sure I kept my leg out, i wince a bit in pain as the water runs down and over my vagina, over the black eye, over the now bruised neck. I quickly get washed and get out.  I get dried, throwing my hair up in the towel for now. I brush my teeth and then quickly rub my hair with the towel so it's not as wet. I open the bathroom door. Part of me wants him to have been sat on the sofa waiting but he isn't. I go into the bedroom and grab my laptop, charger,  my actual phone, and a note pad and pen, as I walk out of the bedroom and towards the spare bedroom. I hear keys in the door and I know Tim is home. Fuck. Okay.

Tim's pov
I walk up to the house, I feel my heart racing. I feel nervous about all of this. I have no idea what to say or do, what if I mess this up further. I put my keys in the door. As I open the door I see her, she's walking down towards the spare room. In a dark grey oversized t shirt, her hair towel dry, she looks exhausted but still so pretty. I notice everything she's carrying, and I'm confused as she never uses that laptop. I look at her and she looks directly at me for a split second and then just walks into the spare bedroom. I walk towards the spare bedroom door and i knock. My hearts literally beating out of my chest.
"Lucy.. can we talk?" I say. She doesn't respond.
"Look I can stand out here all night long but I'm not giving up on us. I know you gave up on us the day you left for the undercover mission when you lift that ring behind and even more so after what I said to you earlier about taking the easy way out. I know I've messed up not just with that comment but everything before. Believe me I know. But Lucy you are the love of my life" I say as I stand at the door.

Lucy's pov
I walk into the bedroom and close the door. As I do I hear him knocking, everything he's saying. I slide down the wall and I sit on the floor behind the door, I hear what he's saying, I feel my heart breaking, my eyes glazing over, my hands are fidgeting. I'm trying so hard to not cry.. I know deep down I wanted him to fight but I don't know what to do. Did he just say I gave up on us before I left hence the ring. If he had just read the note he wouldn't have done all this.
"I hadn't given up on us.. if you'd read the note with the ring you'd know but you couldn't even give me that. I'm not speaking to you till you read that note and you realise that I didn't give up on us." I say trying to not choke on the tears I was holding back on.

Tim's pov
Shit the note. Grey told me to read it when I told him. "You're right I didn't read it..I just assumed the worst. Look I'll read it then can we talk?" I ask her and she doesn't respond so I move towards to the box with the ring inside. I pick it up and move it, I take the note and go sit on the floor outside the spare bedroom door. "I'm sat here okay, I'm going to read it" i say to her as I unfold the note.