She didn’t even know why she did it. She just picked up the blade that she used to cut her eyebrows with and dragged it across her pale wrist. The blade dug in and bright red sprang up from where the it had been a moment ago. She did it again. And again. And again. Selena decided she liked the color of her own blood.
She was sitting on her bed. This had become routine now. Sleep. Do an interview. Come home. Lock herself in her room. Then she could enjoy the sweet relief of pushing the knife’s blade into her skin and watching the blood drip down from her wrists.
Selena had thought it would be better if she stayed away from twitter and other social websites. Without the constant death threats. But she was wrong. She felt alone. Isolated. Lonely. All she wanted was someone to talk to. Anyone. Just someone who would listen.
Nobody noticed anything was wrong. Not even Justin. Justin knew Selena like the inside of his palm. Or so she thought, but she wasn’t so sure anymore. Because it seemed like Justin didn’t even have time for her anymore. She was just so lonely and… numb. It felt like she couldn’t feel anything at all.
Then there was a knock on the door.
Selena froze. Maybe if she didn’t say anything, they would go away.
“Sel? Are you there?” Crap, it was Justin. What the hell did he want anyway? He had been basically ignoring her since he got back to California.
Selena stayed silent.
“Sel, please answer. I really want to talk to you about something.”
“What do you want?” Selena said. She meant for it to come out a bit sharper, but it sounded weak and tired.
“I just came to ask you if you want to go out for lunch. Sel, open the door.”
“Uh, yeah, okay. Just give me a minuite.” Selena wasn’t sure what to do. She had blood all over her arm.
Sel grabbed a towel out of the bathroom and wiped off the blood as best as she could. Quite a few cuts were still bleeding, but that was okay. Selena didn’t think Justin would be staying long anyway. She threw the towel back in the bathroom and closed the door, then put a sweater on so the cuts wouldn’t show. She wasn’t sure what to do with the blade, so she just shoved it under the covers of her bed.
Selena took a deep breath and composed herself before going over to the door and opening it.
She looked at Justin.
Justin looked very… different. His face was distraught and his hair looked messy; like he had been running his fingers through it. His flannel was loose and he was wearing sweats.
Selena frowned. What was wrong with him?
“Justin, what’s wrong?” Justin looked up when she said that, as if just noticing that she was standing there.
“That’s the question I should be asking you, Sel. I haven’t seen you in days and you won’t answer my calls or texts. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” She lied, opening the dooor wider, “Come in.”
Justin walked into the room and sat down on her bed. Selena felt herself tense up. The knife was still under her bed covers.
She closed the door and walked over to where her boyfriend was sitting on the bed and stood in front of him. He put one of his hands on Selena’s lower back, pulling her closer. She placed a hand on the left side of his face, the sleeve of her sweater sliding down.
Justin tensed and breathed out of his nose exasperatingly. He pulled back and reached for her arm. The scrapes were still visible, blood-shot red, still bleeding slightly.
“Sel, have you been cutting yourself?” He didn’t let her answer, he didn’t need to. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
The young actress stayed quiet, afraid of what his reaction might be.
“Selena, why didn’t you tell me?” Justin repeated, his voice raising a slight octave. He couldn’t believe she would do this to herself. This wasn’t like her - at all. And he was determined to find out why.
“I can’t take all this hate from your fans. And you were so busy - you have so many things to think about. I just needed closure,” She answered quietly, looking down to avoid his glare.
Justin sighed, grabbing her chin and forcing her to look at him. His cheeks had a light pink tint, his eyes shining with anxiousness and his voice just below a whisper, “Sel, don’t pay attention to them. I’m here for you. Always. I’d drop everything for you in a heartbeat. You can always talk to me, you know that right?”
She nodded, following his eyes to her arm. “I know.”
“Promise me you’ll never hurt yourself again.” His eyes moving from the damaged skin on Selena’s wrist to her eyes again.
Selena looked in his eyes for a few seconds then smiled half-heartedly, “I promise you.”
