I'm Miracle (Islamic Story)

Chapter 87

Chapter 87 (I updated also chapter 85 and 86)

I watched the streets, tears streaming down my face. It was familiar. Familiar. Freaking familiar. I know this. I know it. I was feeling anxiety all over me. I felt all the good and all the bad. Memories were jumping through my mind, making me cry even harder. Iyaz was sitting next to me, looking at me with sad eyes. I knew that he wanted to do something, but didn't know what. I had seen his hand move towards mine, moving away again. We both knew that he couldn't do that. I also knew that I needed to overcome this on my own. I knew that I had to face it on my own. I needed to remember me, and therefore I needed only myself and Allah.

"At least tell me that you remember these streets" he asked me softly. I nodded, letting him know. We were in a car, driving to the address we found. Anna sat in the front while Iyaz sat right next to me, shamelessly close. His scent was the only thing that was keeping me sane. He didn't know how much of a help he was by just being there.

"Stop!" I yelled, letting the driver stop immediately. I jumped out of the car, walking towards the place. The place I had been for the last. The place I grew up. I looked at the playground, seeing mini me running there, on her own. She had long hair, braided, while wearing her favourite pink jacket. She was running around, trying not to get her new shoes dirty. Her white leggings were still white, even though she was running through the sand. I sat down on the bench, knowing that I would collapse if I didn't. I turned to right, seeing the entrance of the woods. The woods that I was kept the first two weeks of my captivity. The first two weeks that I couldn't remember. I had heard from the police that he had me here for the first two weeks, and then putting me in the back of the trunk and driving all the way away, keeping me there for four years. I felt Iyaz sit next to me, not saying anything. He put a jacket around me and I realized it was his. It wasn't cold, but I knew I was shaking.

"I grew up on this playground" I said softly, letting out a silent cry before I carried on.

"I remember walking towards here, even if I wasn't allowed to. I would come right after school, after dropping my schoolbag off. I remember someone getting mad at me for not telling, yet they always knew where I was. I would play here on my own, not knowing anyone. No one would really play with me, but there wasn't a day where I would mind. I would play on my own, just jumping around, swinging for hours. It would feel safe, very safe. Yet the safest place was also the most dangerous one" my voice cracked at the last part. I felt Iyaz shift closer.

"What do you mean?" he said, his voice fragile as if he didn't want to hurt me.

"You see the entrance of the woods over there?" I said, pointing to the black gap between the trees. I felt Iyaz nod and I closed my eyes for a second, taking a deep breath.

"He grabbed my arm from the street, dragging me into there. He dragged me through the playground. And I screamed. I tried to. He had a strong grip on me, running there. I remember reminiscing about my childhood self when he dragged me through here, feeling like it was going to be my last time" I told Iyaz. It was silent after that. I saw his fist tighten every once in a while. He then stood up, looking me straight in the eyes.

"Are you ready?" he asked me. I nodded, standing up too. We walked over to the car, getting in. I didn't dare to look again, now that my tears had dried a bit. The driver started driving again, and the anxiety was killing me. I was shaking desperately, not ready but also too late with doing this. I had no picture in my head, no memory- nothing of them. I would remember bits and pieces of my schools, of my childhood, I would know certain things, but I couldn't remember a single thing of them. Nothing. As if they didn't exist in my mind. The driver then turned left, making me gasp in shock. I held my breath in, screaming for him to stop after a few seconds. I looked to my left, seeing the one place we had been looking for. Weeks, months of wondering what it was like, how it had been, if it did even exist. It had suddenly ended. I felt such a relieve. No more not knowing. The gate of the answer was there. I went out of the car, standing in front of it. I looked at the door, seeing that it still had the same cracks in it. I looked through it, seeing the front door. It was shut like always. Like no one lived there, yet I knew there was a spark in there. I remember liking it, even though I liked the playground more. Iyaz stood next to me and I neared the door, touching it, feeling the cracks. I opened the door, taking a step inside the garden. There were no more white roses. There were no more. I looked around, seeing the dull garden that used to be so white full of roses. I remember walking through it, getting screamed at for ruining them. I took steps forward, wanting to know what was going on behind the door. Who was inside. Who was still waiting for me to return from the playground with a nice bowl of veggie soup that I so much liked. I knew it was the moment of truth. The moment I had been waiting for. Maybe now I wouldn't feel so left out. Maybe now I would have a.. home. I knocked on the door, not even feeling my fingers. I knocked five times, remembering how I used to do that. It was her knowing that it was me. I remembered her laughing when I did that each time, only at this door. It only took a few seconds before I heard a voice from behind the door. It was faint. It was crying out. It was unbelievable. She didn't believe it. That's why she didn't open the door. I leaned against the door with my forehead.

"Aiya.." was what I had heard. Her familiar voice sent all kinds of emotion through me. I found it. I found my roots.

The door opened after a minute, revealing a shocked woman. She had a hijab on, yet she looked so much more different than I could remember. She was skinny, way skinnier, too skinny. Her eyes had bags. Tears were streaming down her face and I could just see that she wasn't healthy.

"Aiya" she said again before she moved forward. She took me in for a second before she wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me tightly. This was the first time. This was the first time I had finally understood what it meant to be hugged. I had been hugged before when I was freed, but nothing was quite like this. It was unique- it was me. It was every inch of my skin, every one of my bones. It was my mother. My mother.

I freed myself from her grasp, looking her in the eyes. We looked alike, yet my skin colour was a little paler than hers. All the memories that I had been trying to reach were finally moving up to the surface. I felt so bad when I couldn't remember anything Iyaz and Anna asked me, yet now I could remember it all. I knew her name, I knew our memories, I knew our laughs, I knew our fights. I remembered it all. Yet instead of staying and talking, I turned around, walking away. When I was out of the gate, I started running. I couldn't do it. The confrontation was hard- too hard. I couldn't solve it. I needed to run away. I needed to turn around. I felt tears on my face again, this time with a difficulty of breathing. I ran out of the street, leaving it all out. I ran and ran, before I felt someone tug me from behind. I yelled for a second, going through a flashback to the day he took me, yet I relaxed when I saw it was only Iyaz when I was pushed towards him because of his tug. He didn't let go, yet wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. I didn't move away, yet wrapped my arms around him too, crying into his shirt. It wasn't silent cries like always. I just sobbed as loudly as I could, only for him to move his hand up and down, trying to calm me down.

"Sssh.." he said softly into my hair, not having the affect on me to stop me for now.

"I got you" he whispered, letting me know that it was okay to cry. I knew that we weren't supposed to hug, but I knew it was the only thing I needed at that moment. Comfort only someone I knew could give me, someone not from my past. Only him, the only one I trusted besides Allah.

"Do you want to go back?" he asked me while moving away from me with an apologetic look. I shook my head.

"Not now. I will, but not now. Please let her know that I will be back. I don't want her to think that I left" I said to him. He nodded and called Anna, who was still at the house. I knew Anna too well, so I knew she was telling everything to my mother. After Iyaz had ended the call, he stopped a cab that was moving past, opening the door for me to get in after he stepped in next to me.

I sat down on the bed that was mine, just staring ahead. I heard a knock before it opened, revealing Iyaz with two cups in his hands. He smiled softly at me before he came and sat down next to me. He put the cups on the nightstand and I saw that he had brought us tea.

"How are you feeling?" he asked me. I shook my head.

"I feel like reborn, yet I also feel like I died again" I said, looking at my fingers, fidgeting with them.

"I remember so much, yet not everything. I remember my room, our breakfasts. I remember Winter day that were the most fun. I see myself being brought up with everything I ever needed. I remember almost everything. Almost" I said, thinking of everything that had been gone for over five years..

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WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! ITS GETTING CRAZIER!