Epilogue
"I can't even talk right now, knowing that you may not even be in this grave. That this girl isn't even you. I can't look at you, my anger and guilt from ten years ago building up. Why, Beau? Why? That question is still running through my mind. Even though I finally, after ten years understand why, I still can't help but ask you. I thought we were a beautiful thing. Even though we were messy, hurt, vulnerable, we were also strong, gorgeous and mindful. Why did you leave when I loved you so?" I whispered towards the grave, the grave I didn't even know if it was hers. They found a dead body in the river, yet it couldn't be identified as Beau. She was too messed up to identify. I, still to this day, think that it was not her, yet I couldn't find her.
"I kept looking for you. I never stopped, even to this day. Just the thought of you living on the streets, or being under the ground on your own scares me. It's way too dark, way too cold for you. I can't help but feel guilty when I am in a house, full warmth and love and you rejected that one thing you could have" tears were streaming down my face by now. I looked down, needing a breath to carry on.
"You know, I hated you. I hated you so much. I was so, so mad at you. I couldn't believe you would do this to yourself, to me and to us. I thought that everything was going to get better, even though I knew you were struggling. You had never fully lived your pain and it was just starting to kick in" I said, feeling guilty for not recognising her pain sooner and doing anything about it. Yet I knew that I gave everything I could.
"Maybe it just wasn't enough. You know what I hate the most? That you were right. You were damn right. I couldn't give you what you needed and you couldn't give me what I needed. We were, like you said, sealed by hearts. We couldn't be sealed in this life" I said, still feeling guilty for saying this.
"Because of my anger, I wanted to stop searching, but because of my longing, I couldn't. I just thought after a while 'this is what she wanted, then let's play it like she wants it, and I started to become this horrible person. I started to become aggressive and hurt other people with my words. Then I met someone" I said, smiling at the last part.
"She turned my life around, making me the Iyaz everyone knew. The Iyaz you knew. The Iyaz I am. I wasn't searching for her, yet we found each other" I said, feeling a bit bad that I was bringing this up. I felt like I betrayed Beau, yet I knew that she would've wanted this.
"I have never told her about you. She knows obviously. She knows what happened yet she doesn't know what went on. She doesn't know anything about the days of our captivity, or of the things we had after that. She knows that I love you, still, way too much, yet she never questions it. She is the only one that understands. Sometimes she would ask me questions about you, like how you handled things, how you stayed so strong. She admires you so much, always asking me how you would react so she could learn from it. She takes you as an inspiration, not a my former wife. She looks up to you and let me love you, still loving her. She knows that what I feel for you is out of this world, and that nothing could change it. And she accepts it, she welcomes it, she embraces it. You are one of the centres of our home, of our inspiration. The brick- the walls, everything" I said, smiling, being proud of her. Beau left such a beautiful mark on everyones lives, including the ones she doesn't know.
"So that's why we decided to call our little one Aiya. She reminds me so much of you. The way her eyes lit up when she smiled, the way she cries silently, letting no one get affected by her sadness. Her will of wanting things her way and her strength when she has a wound because she fell, like the clumsy girl she is, just like you. I have called her Beau a few times, and she asked me why" I said, thinking of the first time I called her Beau.
"I replied that she got named after a superhero, who was very strong and beautiful, hence the name Beau. She was so excited, she asked me to call her that from then on. I couldn't bring my heart to do that yet. I just feel like I'm chewing on you when I do that, but I also find it so sweet. She looks so much like you, so I know that in a matter of time, I woul call her Beau. It suits her, like it did with you" I said, feeling proud of Beau once again.
"I came here to say that, after ten years, I have forgiven you for what you did. Do you remember me telling your mum that we could only be described by the word 'sacrifice'? You sacrificed, once again, for me. You gave up your life, or you gave up our love on this world, just so I could live it better. I never understood it before, but now with my two beautiful ones in my home, I couldn't thank you enough. Maybe that's selfish and maybe that's wrong, but thank you. I now know you really loved me. You are one beautiful human" I said, smiling softly, letting the tears fall.
"You are fierce. You're a survivor. You're a fighter through and through.. Little brave, breathe.. There is a warrior within you" I recited the poetry that suited Beau the best, the lines that made her name Beau. My beautiful Beau.
"I love you, forevermore. Forever and infinite, my beautiful Beau"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The End
YOU ARE READING
I'm Miracle (Islamic Story)
Spiritual{Completed} My name is Miracle. I got that name when I was fourteen. I can't remember my family. I can't remember my friends. I can't remember anything from the past. Do I even have a past? Where was I born? Who are my parents? What did I like? Did...
