I'm Miracle (Islamic Story)

Chapter 89

Chapter 89 ( I updated from chapter 85 )

Three years later...

I jumped up in my bed, covered in sweat. My breath wasn't steady and I closed my eyes for a second. I looked at my surroundings, feeling relieved that I was home.

"What's wrong?" I heard from beside me. Iyaz sat up too, wrapping his arms around me. This had been a routine. You would think that time would heal, but it didn't. It just didn't. I still woke up almost every single night, waking up from all the nightmares. Except, they weren't nightmares. They were reality. I wrapped my arms around him too, needing the comfort.

"It's going to be okay" he said and I laid down on his chest, letting some tears fall without him knowing. It was never going to be okay. It never did. He had me trapped in his prison, there was no door to get out.I felt so guilty. Guilt was just eating me that because of me, my surroundings were injected with these nightmares too. It was the worst during the day. I would stare into space, not being able to focus. I would avoid things like bread and tap water, because of the memories. I could never take baths. I could never wear shorts or a T-shirt. All these little things were slowly adding up and the guilt was eating me. The guilt was eating me very bad. I looked at Iyaz. He went back to sleep, since he had to wake up early for work. The worst thing was that he stood by my side all the time, like he promised. He never once complained about anything. He would wake up in the middle of the night, sometimes not being able to go back to sleep because of me. Sometimes he needed to sleep in the other room because I couldn't take it, the memories would haunt me. I could never give him children, I could never give him me. He never asked for it, but I just felt bad for being such a burden that wasn't worth it. He needed to live his life fully, not being restricted just because I couldn't handle things. Sometimes he would stay home from work for me, so I could feel better. He would take me out and tries to cheer me up. It was a huge challenge for him. It was like he was taking care of a child. We would argue because I would tell him to stop doing it. He would argue because I didn't even try. He didn't know that I did. I didn't want to be like this, but it was out of my control. I could never fully forget and that was what people were expecting from me. Saying 'just forget and don't think about it' was easy. It was always there, I knew that it would always be there. I would always think of it. Those certain things that I couldn't do or couldn't give him would never change. I thought of my mother. It had been three years yet we still didn't fully get over anything. I had met my father, and surprisingly he was really nice and guilty, but I just couldn't get over the betrayal, especially when I remembered that I had such a wonderful childhood. I didn't believe time would heal anymore. I had been thinking about this for a long time now, for over a year. 'Don't do anything stupid, think this through' my heart was screaming at me. I just knew that I had made the decision. The final decision.

I woke up, at least, acted like I woke up. Iyaz had left for work early. He had woken me up and asked me if I wanted him to stay. I told him to go. Normally, he would give me a kiss when he would leave but today he didn't when he moved away, so I got up. He went to the bathroom and I went downstairs to make him his favourite breakfast. He was surprised when he came down, giving me a hug. I took in his scent, feeling my eyes water but I pushed it away.

"Thank you, I really appreciate it" he said, kissing my hair. I just nodded, not being able to say anything. He sat down and started eating. I sat down in front of him, just watching him. He didn't ask me if I wanted to eat, since he knew I couldn't eat breakfast. Another pet peeve. I just watched him eat, smiling at me occasionally.

"What's going on?" he asked me after he finished. He knew something was up, he knew me too well. I just shook my head, smiling softly at him.

"Just admiring how gorgeous you are, inside out" I replied, making him smile back at me. He then stood up and grabbed his plate before putting it in the sink. Then he turned towards me, wrapping his arms around me.