The Fallen Angel // A Kim Namjoon Fanfiction

9

I'm your guilty pleasure

Disable all senses

Disable all senses and look at the core, your core

Let it guide you to the other end

Don't let the distractions waver you from your path

"Hyeri?" Namjoon looked at her with his big eyes.

Hyeri looked him, in him, she saw the image of her when she was standing in the same spot as him about two weeks ago.

"What does it say?" Namjoon asked.

"Quite literally what is written. No game."

"Disable all senses?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"Don't look at anything, don't see anything, don't feel anything and for God's sake don't inhale anything when you're in there."

Namjoon felt a cold shiver run down his spine, and his feet stuck to the ground.

Just how will I do all these together?

Feeling all hope leave his body, he took two steps back, only to look at the mountain again.

"Namjoon, it will be ok. You can't back away."

"I don't think I can do this."

"You can." Hyeri said moving closer to him but he moved back again.

"If I don't breathe, I will suffocate."

"You won't, you will feel like it but you won't."

"I can't just please don't inhale, there is poison everywhere."

"I don't trust myself."

"I do. I trust you. And I am here, for you. I will be here if you fail, I will be here if you succeed."

"What if I fail, what then?"

"This is the easiest one only because we can give it again and again. Just don't inhale the poison." Namjoon sighed and looked at the board again.

Disable all senses.

"I can close my mouth and nose, I can shut my eyes, but how can I not hear or feel?"

"You have to ignore them."

"Ignore what?"

"The cries for help and whatever you feel on your body."

"Cries for help?"

"Yes. They will not be real, no matter how real they sound."

The fear in Namjoon's vessels kept on increasing to the point he had to take a break and sit on the ground.

"How about you go try it out?" Hyeri suggested and scooted in front of him.

"You should be more confident Namjoon. This will only get harder and if you don't believe in yourself, there is only so much I can do."

Namjoon sighed sadly, I did this to myself.

"You go in there and face it like a high-spirited person." Hyeri said as she held his shoulders.

"I could do it so you can too." Hyeri stood up and waited for him to stand up too.

"If I shut my eyes, how will I see where I'm going?"

"Just walk straight. Don't stop for anything. Focus on something, anything. It doesn't have to be related to your situation right now."

Namjoon gave a hesitant nod and finally stood up too.

"I will try I guess." He mumbled and walked near the entrance.

"Walk straight?"

"Yes, and don't breathe."

"What about you?"

"I'm here if you come back, if you don't in half hour, I'll meet you in the other side."

Namjoon nodded and took a deep breath, closing his eyes, he took his first step into a whole different world.

Hyeri saw him leave and hoped that he would not have to do this again and again.

Namjoon on the other hand could feel fear crippling, more than ever now. He felt suffocated and obligated to take a deep breath to make up for the lack of air, but your words haunted him.

Feeling hard to control his voluntary senses, he pinched his nose with his right thumb and closed his hand with his other three fingers. He also covered his eyes with his left hand, feeling more uncomfortable with every step he took.

One, two and eventually ten. Namjoon felt hyper-aware of what he was doing, not really wanting to think about anything else except counting but his fear took the best of him.

Although it felt like walking on a clean long path, in Namjoon's opinion that was scarier. Good people generally are worse than most of us.

Out of nowhere, his mind was filled with different type of people that live their lives freely with a socially appreciable mask on, rapist, abuser, murderer but still walk among them like they're one of them.

No justice for the victims. No justice for people like me and Hyeri. Maybe the reason we left home was because of those very good people.

'Home', he wasn't sure what that term meant anymore. Not once since he woke up, he felt warm and he couldn't imagine what being home felt like. He wish it could, so that he could gain more courage from the thought of it.

He wished he could remember his good memories from his world. Remember those times that he had no memory of occurrence.

Life felt like a joke, just on the verge of bursting but it won't, his lungs too felt like burning, but he won't die, Hyeri assured him that.

Namjoon was deep in his thoughts when he heard it, the first cry.

He stopped as a thread of sweat made its way to the ground from his neck.

Not wanting to stay in that place any longer, he started walking again, the cries for help, the cries for him were increasing in volume and more frequent now. He wanted to cry too, badly.

But he knew he was very far into the way and he wanted to get to the other side without having to do this again.

Kill me. Kill me please. Namjoon pleaded to no one in particular, dying felt easier than to feel his throat burning and chest tearing apart.

He wanted to run, but he didn't have the energy to. The pain and the voices made way to his head which started pounding like it was being banged on a hard cement.

He wanted it to end, very badly.

But then something happened that he was fearing the most, he felt a hand on his arm.

He felt tears forming inside his eyes, wanting to check if he was out of the place, he opened his mouth to call Hyeri.

But before he actually said anything, he opened eyes.