Shoto Todoroki Oneshots

Dark Humour

TRIGGER WARNING: very very dark humour (do not read if it may upset you!) mentions of guns, suicide, depression, death

THEMES: humour, angst, platonic TodoBaku, depressed Todoroki

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

∘₊✧─── ONE ───✧₊∘

Bakugou: Were you dropped on your head as a child?
Shoto: *scoffs* Bold of you to assume I was held.

∘₊✧─── TWO ───✧₊∘

Bakugou: We're baking fucking cakes!
Shoto: I wish my mother baked cakes instead of baking my face.
Bakugou: That's cold.
Shoto: No it was actually very hot...
(Insert manic laughter)

∘₊✧─── THREE ───✧₊∘

Shoto: That's not funny, Bakugou.
Bakugou: You know what is funny? *whispers* Hot water.
Shoto: You know what is funnier? Anger issues.

∘₊✧─── FOUR ───✧₊∘

Bakugou: Knock knock, Shitty Nerd!
Deku: Who's there?
Bakugou: Not your father! Ha!
Shoto: (trying not to break down in laughter)
Deku: (tears slowly running down his face)

∘₊✧─── FIVE ───✧₊∘

Bakugou: (coming back from grocery shopping) Hey Icyhot there is a villain outside with a gun quirk!
Shoto: Really?! Where are they?!
Bakugou: Just outside the school gates, yeah he's really ready to murder somebody!
Shoto: OMG (gets up and runs out the dorms with a concerned/horrified class watching) Hey wait! Wait for me! I'm here! I volunteer as tribute! Please God kill me!
(Shoto comes back later looking sad and eating doughnuts, saying there was no villain but a really nice café owner brought him inside and gave him doughnuts whilst talking about his life choices)
(Bakugou got no doughnuts)

∘₊✧─── SIX ───✧₊∘

Bakugou: Oh yeah?! Well you're just a half-baked peppermint ass with daddy issues who doesn't know how to fucking use his damn quirk! You depressed dense fucker!
Shoto: Ok? You just made a list of what I am, where is the insult?
Bakugou: That's fucked up.
Shoto: No you're fucked up, you bottom.
Bakugou: Icyhot motherfucker! Die!
Shoto: I have not fucked any mothers, should I do yours?
The class: Ohh burn!!!
Bakugou: I'd do yours but she's in the mental hospital.
Shoto: I know. She's keeping my room warm for me when I get sent there too.
Bakugou: For what?
Shoto: *whispers with a slight grin* Murder.
Bakugou: Who's?
Shoto: I'll tell you if you agree to be a silent witness.
Bakugou: A silent wha- (realises Shoto will kill him) Well at least plan me a good funeral whilst I do a vibe check with Satan.
Shoto: I didn't think you were ready to meet my dad yet?
(It's just silent for a while until they both burst out laughing)

∘₊✧─── SEVEN ───✧₊∘

Shoto: You know I used to be a very happy person.
Bakugou: Somehow I find that real fuckin' hard to believe, Icyhot.
Shoto: *trying not to cry* Haha April fools!
Bakugou: It's October

∘₊✧─── EIGHT ───✧₊∘

(Insert fire in the dorms)
Iida: Someone get the fire extinguisher!
Shoto: I'm here.
Class: *confused*
Shoto: Use my body to put out the fire, I don't need it.
Deku: But aren't you fire resistant?
Sho: (glares at fire before walking away) "Why can't I have this one thing? I don't ask for much!"

∘₊✧─── NINE ───✧₊∘

Deku: If you weren't a hero what job would you do?
Momo: Business manager.
Iida: Teacher.
Bakugou: Vigilante!
Shoto: A mortician.
(Everyone once more confused and lowkey concerned)
Shoto: I would talk to the dead bodies and remind them how lucky they are, and if nobody is looking I'd switch my body with theirs.
Bakugou: *mocking Shoto* You don't know how fuckin' easy you have it! Do you know how many times I've tried to end my life?! And you lie here mocking me?! What's your secret?! (Wipes away fake tear)
Shoto: *laughing and crying* "Did u pay the hitman too?!"
(Insert Iida calling Aizawa to sign his classmates up to therapy)