If You're Not Busy

Chapter 58 Agony

Tessa was squeezing Mariah's hand as the ultrasound came to life, she couldn't wait to see the baby and see how big it had grown. Mariah on the other hand had got on the bed with a lot of trepidation. She had not told Tessa that the movement of the baby had slowed down in the last week either. She didn't know why she hadn't told her, if she had Tessa would have tried to reassure her as best she could. What she had not realized is Tessa was just as worried as her! Because she had noticed in the last week or so that Mariah had gone very quiet and withdrawn, which was not like her at all. Tessa thought it might just be nerves about becoming a mom, but deep down she had this terrible feeling of dread. Tessa was looking at the ultrasound screen puzzled. Mariah squeezed her hand harder. "Ouch," said Tessa, I'm sorry said Mariah I didn't mean to do it that hard. 

Tessa then looked at Mariah's face and noticed she had tears rolling down her face. Hey! said Tessa concerned. What is the matter? There is something wrong with the baby! Blurted out, Mariah. No there isn't said Tessa Look its little heart is beating. But Mariah didn't have to look at the screen, she just knew. The ultrasound operator just left them in the room without saying anything, a few minutes later their doctor came in to look at the pictures. She turned the screen away from them. What's going on? asked Tessa in a pleading voice. Is Mariah right? Is there something wrong with the baby? You know there is something wrong? the doctor asked Mariah. Well not exactly, but I've not felt the baby move for about the last week! "Mariah" screamed Tessa. Why didn't you tell me? I didn't want to worry you cried, Mariah. Tessa grabbed her hand. Look we get through everything together remember? 

We share one heart, I knew there was something you weren't telling me this week because you hadn't been your usual self! Ok, ladies, Mariah why don't you get yourself dressed and I'll see you both in my office when you are ready. Tessa helped her get dressed. Look whatever this is we're strong, we can get through anything we have each other to lean on Ok? said, Tessa. Yes said Mariah kissing Tessa gently on the lips. They walked into the doctor's office hand in hand. The news they were both about to hear would devastate them both! Taking a deep breath the doctor explained that the baby was no longer compatible with life. What does that mean? asked Tessa trying not to cry. It means that when the baby is born, it will not be able to survive! Mariah was just staring into space. Why won't it survive? asked Tessa. There is no amniotic fluid around the baby, so its lungs have not formed properly for it to be able to breathe outside the womb, it's also missing its kidneys. Oh my god! screamed Tessa while Mariah fell to bits beside her.

I'm so sorry said the doctor. What do we do? said, Tessa. Well, Mariah might be lucky and miscarry further down the line? Hang on she's at twenty weeks already. True said the doctor. So what your saying is my wife might have to carry our dying baby to full term if she doesn't miscarry? Err well technically yes, unless she miscarries first. Oh no that's not happening said Tessa. Is there anything else we can do? Yes, we can have it aborted said Mariah matter of factly. What? said Tessa. Is she right? Turning back to the doctor for an answer. Well yes and no, in some terms they class it as abortion but Mariah will have to give birth because she is twenty weeks into the pregnancy. Tessa turned to Mariah they were both in bits and floods of tears. Look said the doctor it's a lot for you both to take in, let us go and leave you for a bit and I will return with some coffee. I'm so sorry said Mariah it's all my fault. She struggled to say through the floods of tears she was crying.

Tessa just stood up and hugged her. It's nobody's fault, these things happen sometimes I'm sure we're not the only ones said Tessa sobbing. What are we going to do? Mariah asked Tessa. I don't know said Tessa but I don't think we have to rush with the answer. She was still holding Mariah and they were both still crying when the doctor knocked and came back in. While they sipped some coffee, she told them they should go home and discuss the next step with their families if they could. Having their moral support will help them. Also, take time yourselves to grieve, it's devastating for you I know, but hopefully, one day when you are ready you will continue this journey. Even though her heart was breaking Mariah asked that if they decided to abort the baby would it be here in the clinic? No said the doctor It will happen at the hospital on the maternity wing.