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Review by Sunshine: Rose in a Heartful of Thorns

Story: Rose in a Heartful of Thorns

Author: feren_

Summary: 5/5

In my opinion, it's a faultless summary. It had all the right things – introduction of the protagonists, introduction of the conflict propelling the story, and introduction of the general setting. All of that information is woven in seamlessly, and I like that you only give away enough information to stimulate the reader's curiosity. I desperately wanted to know more about the hostage situation and the whole royal circle, so well done! The final line is also a powerful way to reference some themes within the story as well, so excellent work there!

On a side note, the title of your story, while I love the symbolism, doesn't sound right? Shouldn't it be "A Rose in a Heartful of Thorns" or "The Rose in a Heartful of Thorns"?

Grammar: 4/5

Your grammar, for the most part, is spot on! You clearly know your basic grammar and punctuation rules, so well done there. However, there were definitely a few things I picked up on:

First of all, your use of semicolons is sometimes right but sometimes wrong. A semicolon is used to separate two clauses that can work perfectly as sentences on their own, but are strongly intertwined. I've been told that a semi-colon is even a good replacement for the word "because" or "so". For example:

"We had too many fumbles; we lost the game."

The above sentence uses a semicolon accurately, because the fumbles are what caused them to lose the game. The two sentences directly influence one another.

Now, let's look at some examples you have here:

"His body was lean-built; and compared to Mr Townsend, he appeared incredibly tall."

The lean-build and the height don't make sense together. Something like this (though it's not my best example) would make more sense:

"He was incredibly tall; hell, he practically towered over Mr Townsend."

Again, not the greatest example, but both clauses are strongly linked. Another example:

"Her hair shone in a flow of gleaming caramel; a flicker of disapproval behind her narrow hazel eyes."

Again, the semicolon isn't relevant here. The hair shining has nothing to do with the disapproval in her eyes.

An accurate use of semicolon that you have used is:

"None of you should be concerned with this; this is my issue."

This is accurate, because the clauses are strongly tied together. They shouldn't be concerned because it is her issue. So, in this instance, you've used semicolon correctly.

There were also some minor mix-ups between your 'was' and 'were'. Remember, 'were' is only used for plural. So, let's take this example:

"And this judgement were further approved..."

It should be "was approved" because it's only a singular judgement. Also:

"Whatever Tanya were about to say were lost forever."

I think you meant "Whatever Tanya was about to say was lost forever".

Overall, great job!

Character Building: 4/5