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Review by Rrc: Trapped by a Beast

Title: Trapped by a Beast

Author: _KittyCruz_

Reviewer: rrc_loves_donuts

Description: 3/5

The description you provided is quite short and precise and just what you get when you sum up the whole story. But, it's not something interesting enough to lure readers in or catch their attention.

While I wouldn't suggest anything drastic, I would indeed propose some kind of additional last line.

For example, something of the following kind:

'She loses some allies while gaining a few new friends, all the while haunted by the same question- is the monster actually the one you've set out to destroy?'

This is more of a vague question that applies to many things. You can also use it as your subtitle. It's like, in our day to day life, we fail at things and blame anything and everything for it. We try to get better tools, supplies, not thinking of the fact that we ourselves need to improve.

In relevance to the story, Lassie thought that the forest beast was the actual monster, while, instead, the monster turned out to be the rivalry between the several clans of the same kingdom. 

I genuinely think your book is a must read and definitely in my taste but I honestly wouldn't have gotten the chance to read it had I just randomly came across the description. I think that the only reason that your book doesn't have many reads is that it's description isn't catchy enough.

Grammar/Errors: 4/5

As I'd pointed out through the comments, your book had a lot of structural errors. The main problem was probably concerning tense. As you used a narrative point of view and a lot (and I mean a LOT) of (,)s, there were a few tense mess-ups. If you ever have problem figuring out the verb of the correct tense, just break the sentence in two and elaborate the points. Even I get confused about the tense when I write complex sentences.

Also, the structure and frame of the sentences were quite shaky and repetitive and the verbs and adverbs weren't the accurate ones to choose.

Halfway through the book, I stopped noticing the above stated grammatical errors. However, I did notice a few typos.

I wish that I could point all those out for you to correct but that isn't quite the job of a reviewer. I'd suggest you to just go back when you have time and revise and edit all the earlier chapters and just check out the typos mentioned in the following chapters. 

Character Development: 4/5

I, myself, would have loved if there were more memories of when they were happy, especially cause they have such a tragic ending.

Secondly, I feel as if Lassie's character is a bit OP. I mean, they say that she gets tired, but she can basically do anything and everything and is stronger than everyone. I feel like you should've showed times where Lassie gets so worn out by healing, that she becomes weak. I mean, even if she is powerful, there has to be some consequences, weaknesses, or disadvantages. 

Also, I know she is powered by the desire to get Flame back, but you have to also describe the times when she is afraid (not nervous) about what she's about to do and doubts her actions. This kind of makes her seem like more of a person and makes the character realistic( as realistic as a mage can be).

Maybe, to make it more organized, you could show some kind of history behind the nymphs and ogres and how they live in harmony. If you name more fantasy creatures then it makes it even more organized but I understand if you do not wish to do so.

Writing Style: 4.5/5

At first, I was gonna suggest making it more tense and deep as a fantasy novel but, your book, as I read on, felt more like an adventure novel with fantasy elements. 

Hence, I think that the atmosphere and emotion is accurate and perfectly balanced. However, you should just make the chapter where she describes the hierarchy much deeper as it explains the dark past and exactly why the situations were like that then. 

Despite the lack of depth in the earlier chapters, the last few chapters, in my opinion, had the perfect amount of stress.

Once again, I'd suggest you to go back and edit the first few chapters as I'm pretty sure your writing style has improved.

Also, you could mention the consequences of her actions. If she brought peewee back with dark magic, it has to have some consequences although the event occurred at the end so I don't really think that's very necessary.

I will not make any new section for the presence of loopholes/potholes as I don't think it's necessary. Your writing style is very descriptive and it surely didn't feel as if I was jumping from one point to another.

Ending: 5/5

I don't know if that was the case but I assume that you chose me because I mentioned that I like sad endings?

Anyhow, I like tragic endings as not everything is rainbows and sunshine. Sometimes, just because you've found a reason to live, doesn't mean that you're meant to live.

For me, grief and pain are the deepest emotions of all. It can make you feel it as you feel no other. Even when you forget happy times, these memories always stay with you. And however much broken they may make you, you do become stronger, even if you never realize that.

I love these kind of endings where they were meant to be so. This may be a biased opinion but I loved the fact that you didn't try to make it a happy ever after. It wasn't really possible for them to be a couple after all that and the rivalry between the clans would've never let them be together; it would've just been unrealistic.

However, I love the fact that you put out the cold, hard truth. It was a such a touching and tragic end to their lives that I kid you not, I cried. I loved the chapter where she made a memorial for Eia and Vrokk (she did seem a bit over powered then) and also the part where she cursed the land and their love's echo still floated around in the enchanted forest. I honestly think that it couldn't have been better.

Even if your readers ask you to make an alternative ending, please don't. The tragedy is the main beauty here and not everything can be made to be happy.

OVERALL SCORE: 20.5/25

I did see you mention that this book is your entry for the open novella contest and I hope you win, cause your book seriously deserves it.

I hope you find the review helpful!