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Review by Sunshine: Blood Ink Muse

Title: Blood Ink Muse

Author: Joyiaaaa

Summary: 4.5/5

I actually think this is a pretty fantastic summary. Short, yes, but it contains everything the reader needs: an introduction of the protagonist, hints of a backstory, introduction of a conflict, and even the stakes. Very well done! Just don't forget the full-stop in that last sentence that starts with, "A tale of obsession awaits you in...".

Also, you've written your blurb in past tense, but the very first sentence is written is present tense. I can see why you've done that, but at the same time, it does feel a little clunky. I generally advise people to write their blurbs in present tense – it adds to the sense of immediacy, and helps the reader feel as if the journey won't start until they read it. 

Grammar: 3/5

Okay, so there definitely quite a few errors I found throughout your story. Don't worry, though – it was nothing too significant, and some of these grammar rules are complex as it is. Besides, fixing up grammar is the easy part once you know the rules.

Make sure that the starts of your sentences begin with a capital letter, and that all proper nouns are capitalised. Whenever you have a character say, "I did this" – the 'I' must be capitalised. You also have a few run-on sentences here and here, so make sure you try reading the story aloud when you're editing it. That way, if a sentence sounds strange without a pause, you know there needs to be a comma where that pause is.

Onto more specific rules, the two biggest issues I found dealt tense and dialogue. First of all, let's discuss tense. Most of your story was in past tense, but there were times where you flicked back and forth between past and present tense. For example, in our paragraph you wrote:

"Even in such a state, she has effortlessly drawn attention to herself." [has = present tense]

However, in the next paragraph, you wrote:

"The ladies' envious eyes trailed her every move..." [trailed = past tense]

You need to make sure that you stick to one tense.

Next, dialogue and punctuation. If dialogue is followed by a verbal dialogue tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'she exclaimed' – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question and exclamation mark for an exclamation). For example:

"Natalia" she croaked.

That above example is incorrect. There must be a form of punctuation before the closing inverted commas. Since 'she croaked' refers directly to how the words are spoken, it should be:

"Natalia," she croaked.

Another example:

"More than alright." she answered.

That is a verbal dialogue tag. It should be:

"More than alright," she answered.

Character Building: 3.5/5

I love the banter between the characters. The dialogue is incredibly relatable and realistic, and is often quirky and amusing. I love that there are light-hearted moments, such as the barbeque, that contrast the haunting and eerie elements within your story. This was particularly highlighted due to your great characterisation.