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Review by Sunshine: Grendilton: Rise of the Shadows

Title: Grendilton: Rise of the Shadows

Author: amyrobinnz

Summary: 4.5/5

Great summary! Wattpad was glitching on me so, unfortunately, I couldn't read the summary until after I read the prologue and first chapter, but I'm still confident that your summary would have enticed me into reading regardless. You introduce the setting, the purpose of the institute, as well as the two protagonists.

I actually found it quite amusing that their 'hurdle' was each other, and how that was shadowed by the dark secret buried in the institute. I like that you already show the potential for them to develop as characters in the summary alone, which is fantastic. I do, however, think that you could emphasise the stakes a bit more – what happens if they don't conquer the darkness? What is this dark secret threatening to do? It only has to be one sentence, really.

Otherwise, fabulous work here! 

Grammar: 3.5/5

For the most part, your story is very polished! You clearly know the rules when it comes to grammar and punctuation, and I only stopped to take very few notes. Well done! There were, however, a few things I did catch, so let's go through them quickly.

First of all, be careful when you're using the plural form – you need to ensure that, if one thing is plural, it carries over in the rest of the sentence. For example:

"With their charm and charismatic grin, they..."

You need to make sure the word 'grin' is also plural.

Next, be careful with tenses. I know it's particularly hard to narrate the characters' internal thoughts when you're in past tense, because it can sound awkward. However, if these thoughts are woven into the narration itself, it should remain consistent with the tense. For example, let's look at the following two sentences that are directly after one another.

"If Macey didn't act fast, the whole lecture hall will be nothing but water." [will be = present tense]

"Quickly, Macey thought of a plan." [thought = past tense]

To keep the entire story consistently in past tense, I suggest changing it to:

"If Macey didn't act fast, the whole lecture hall would be nothing but water."

Next, watch out for contractions and when to use them. Let's look at a few quick examples:

"My parent's research shadows at the Citadel for a living."

In that example, writing "parent's" is incorrect, as it is saying, "My parent is research..." That, or it is suggesting that 'research' is a noun in that sentence, when it's actually a verb. It should be:

"My parents research shadows at the Citadel for a living."

Another example:

"And unlike the rest of us, who's hex dissolved into the tissues of our muscles, there mark doesn't go away."

There were two errors I caught in that sentence. First of all, "who's" should be "whose" – otherwise you are writing "who is hex dissolved..." Secondly, the 'there' should be 'their' – as they hold ownership over the mark. It should be:

"And unlike the rest of us, whose hex dissolved into the tissues of our muscles, their mark doesn't go away."

Finally, be careful of verbs and nouns. Example: