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Review by Lone Wolf: Misunderstood

Title: Misunderstood

Author: tyragathers

Reviewer: GryffindorsLoneWolf

Summary: 4/5

It's nice and I like it, however, I think it can be split up, like when you introduce her saying that "Everyone except for her". It'd be nice as it's own standalone sentence. It did feel a bit repetitive, but that's only my opinion. :)

Grammar: 3.5/5

- From the get go, you'remissing commas. Here's one area with it tweaked.

"Groaning, I sit up and stretch. As I yawn, I flinch at the taste of something sour...morning breath."

- Morning breath is more of a taste thing, rather than smell...unless she's smelling someone's else's (sorry for that correction, I know it's not grammar related. 

- ?! Or !? isn't generally used, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it'll become a 'proper' grammar thing in the future, but I've gotten called out for using this. 

My suggestion?

"Karina?" Gram shrieked.

I know it's not as powerful as a ?! but I'm not what else I can suggest...sorry about that.

-  You switch tenses. I think it's a problem for a majority of people who write in first person, because they want to talk to the reader, but the verbs don't match up properly. Do is a present tense verb, anything that's like She's, he's...unless it's showing possession of something, the 's is a contraction for is...which is a present tense verb. 

- I know this is a HarryPotter fanfiction so misspelling the houses Gryffindor and Slytherin in thefirst chapter is a big no-no! Copy and paste the story into a Microsoftdocument to check for spelling errors. It's the easiest way to catch them.

- Hm is usually Hmm. 

- Dobby's name should be capitalized and isn't spelled Donny.

These are some main things I wanted to show in the first chapter. Mainly comma issues, tenses shifts and spelling errors. It repeated in the chapters after it.

Character Building: 3.5/5

There isn't really much of this. Some dialogues here and there, without any emotions within them. I did like that she's got the death eater background (or at least, her family does). I kind of get the environment she's grown up in and her closeness with Draco. Try and add more descriptions of the characters and show, don't just tell about them. 

Writing Style: 1/5

Before I start, bear with me...half of the chapters are things that J.K. Rowling wrote, the ones that are in your 3rd person POV. Usually, writers stick with one POV, unless they're trying to put in a mysterious character. I don't approve of copying what other authors have written...unless it's a little, if you're trying to tie in the scenes with the original it's alright, but copying paragraphs upon paragraphs isn't good. Even if you've given the author credit it's still not a good thing to do so much. Maybe cut down on it a little? Anybody who's reading a Harry Potter fanfiction knows the original storyline. Throwing in a few lines here and there from the original series will automatically tell us that this is from that time.

The dialogues are lacking descriptions of the voices. Utilize dialogue tags:

"Hey Karina, you okay?" Draco whispers; his voice sounds concerned and I flinch when he laid his hand against mine.

You miss a lot of commas and your sentence structure doesn't vary, neither do the length of said sentences. A majority of the time, I can recall seeing the sentence starting with a verb or a verb phrase. On top of this are the POV shifts...the story's being told from Karina's POV, and switching to a 3rd person POV of Harry from Rowling's books isn't really...proper I guess? I think you need to minimize the amount you take from her series, or just write things as you think Harry viewed it, in first person POV.

Plot + Uniqueness: 2/5

In terms of uniqueness...it's not completely unique. The amount of stories involving Draco and a girl who understands him...there's a lot. Don't take me wrong! I think their relationship is cute, but there needs to be a lot more descriptions, more variation in sentence structure and lengths, not so much...copying of the original story and not as much switching of POVs.

OVERALL SCORE: 14/25