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Review by Danielle: Looking In

Title: Looking In 

Author: Buttertech

Reviewer: pluviophile_bookworm

Summary: 2/5

Your summary starts off with an intriguing but very vague quote, and then sets the stage for the diary-like story inside. While this is good for getting the reader hooked, it really gives us almost no information about what's inside. I had no idea what to expect. Aliens? Normal humans? 

My suggestion would be to state the purpose of the book or the job of the caretaker, something like: 

"Eveline is one of a unique race that strives to take care of the earth, so that it is not destroyed. This is her story, told from her own diary."

Now we have a clear idea of what the book entails, and how it is going to be told. If I read a summary and learn almost nothing from it, then why on earth would I pick up the book? That's just not good for keeping a reader's attention. 

Grammar: 4.5/5

Your grammar is pretty much flawless. I was very impressed and didn't even find any noticeable spelling mistakes or typos. Fantastic job in that!

One thing I did notice was that sometimes you emphasised words by capitalizing them instead of using bold or italics. For example:

"So THAT is the point to our existence."

While this is indeed effective, it is not exactly professional. A better way would be to use italics:

"So that is the point to our existence."

You get the point. 

Another thing I found was multiple question marks on certain questions, such as:

"But what happens to us when earth fades away???"

Again, this isn't a very professional way to write, and one question mark will suffice just fine. 

However: I do understand that this book is somewhat like a diary. If you chose to write it this way to make it actually look and feel like a diary, then that's totally fine. I didn't want to dock a whole point when I didn't know if you were aware of it, especially when your grammar was so good.

Writing Style: 3/5

Again, this one was a bit hard to do, with your book being written in diary format. But your writing seemed to flow in a fairly connected manner; the type of book simply made it hard to understand. 

We get almost no information right off the bat. We begin hearing about the girl's training and goals, but we don't know who she is or what she is. We don't actually begin to understand the story until the last chapter or two, when the diary explains (sort of) what the main character is doing.

This makes the whole book a little hard to understand, but it also hooks the reader and makes you want to finish the story. It definitely made me curious in the first few chapters. You're withholding what the reader wants most, and that's good. My way of writing a compelling story is similar---don't give the reader everything; let them wait for bits and pieces. Draw out the story, don't tie up everything till the last chapter---or not even then, if you're going to write a sequel. 

But the total lack of information in your book can also work against you. It can cause confusion, and might make the reader give up trying to continue the story. 

Let me put it this way: I think your writing style in and of itself is pretty good---smooth and connected. But the book format caused the story to still have some confusion and disarray. 

Again, a good way to fix this is to add more to the summary, so we have a better grasp of what the book is talking about. 

Character Development: 3/5

Again, we don't see much of the main character, but I do like how you gave us a glimpse of her personal life and future. How she trains constantly, how she loves her friends. 

Then in the last chapters she goes more in-depth, describing how her race works to preserve the earth. It inspires feelings of gratitude and compassion from the reader, and makes the reader curious about exactly how she does it. 

I wish I could have seen more of her in different situations. How does she react when she's angry? Heartbroken? Giddy? Pressured? Because of the length and format of the book, we don't get to see her in many situations. 

But we do get to see glimpses of her character, and how she lives her life. I enjoyed searching for her personality in the memories and stories she writes. 

Plot + Uniqueness: 5/5

This definitely isn't your average book. In fact, I've never seen a book with quite the same plot. The diary format, the goal of her people, everything about this book is unique.

I honestly can't think of much to say on this, because I didn't find anything to critique in the way of cliche writing. So, very good job!

OVERALL SCORE: 17.5/25

This book is well-written, and it really makes you stop and think. I enjoyed reading it. Again, it is a bit confusing, but once you reach the end and figure out the whole hidden message of the book, it becomes even more interesting. I think if you add a bit more information to the summary and the first few chapters, you can have a fantastic short story. Good job!