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Review by Nathan: Star Stuff

Title: Star Stuff

Author: drarrylarryharry

Reviewer: NathanRound

Summary: 4/5

Your summary is short, snappy, and to the point which is key. You introduced the protagonist, the conflicts at hand, and I like how you don't give too much away. Some writers fall victim to giving too much information here on Wattpad so it's good that you kept an element of mystery in your summary.

Writing Style: 2/5

Your writing style is quite a mixture of things. I like the way Kaylee's thoughts seep into the writing and her rambles flow naturally in the narrative. These rambles work very well as they don't seem to affect the flow of your story in a negative way, you immediately return back to your narrative from where you left off which is a great thing to see. The way Kaylee wonders off topic now and again truly captures her wild and out of control imagination, it puts forth some deep and pondering topics which is great to see.

However, at times your story can be a little confusing and I don't mean the plot. One thing that stood out to me was how you changed from setting to setting during chapters, which felt a little jarring at times. One instance was chapter one. Kaylee was wondering down the alley to catch her bus and then whoosh, she's at school. It felt very confusing and it didn't become apparent that the setting changed until Kaylee herself literally states that. I myself would advise that these quick setting changes and time jumps happen in between chapters instead of during one single chapter. It just makes your story flow that much better and takes away the confusion.

At times your repetition can come off a little weak and underwhelming. Now don't get me wrong, in many cases you intentionally used repetition beautifully and it works very well. But I believe that there are instances where you unintentionally repeated certain words and it just comes off as unprofessional. One example of this was your prologue. 

'Joshua was, in one word, tired. So, So tired. So, so, so, so, so tired.

He was tired of people and family members that shared sympathetic glances with each other instead of with him. He was tired of waking up in the morning cold without another body to warm the sheets beside him. He was tired of having cereal for breakfast because he never bothered to learn how to cook and it seemed as though that was all Sam did. He was tired of this.'

Now I understand you wanted to put forth how tired Joshua felt, how fed up he was about the situations at hand, but there are other ways to do it. The second paragraph used repetition very well, but your first sentence did not. I feel that, being as though that is the first sentence your reader will see, it needs to be a lot stronger. Let's tidy it up a little, shall we?

'Exhaustion bared down heavily on Joshua's weary shoulders. It made his body feel numb both physically and mentally, for he was at the end of his rope.

Yes, Joshua was tired. Tired of all the sympathetic glances his family members cashed out to complete strangers yet not himself, tired of waking up to the morning coldness without another warm body to cling onto and fight it away, tired of putting up with cereal for breakfast because he never bothered to learn how to cook; though it seemed that was all Sam did. He hated, truly hated this with a passion.' 

Now isn't that just a little bit stronger for an opening. You can use this example if you wish or you create something completely different. Whatever suits you.