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Review by Lone Wolf: 24 Weeks and A Day

Title: 24 Weeks and A Day

Author: EmpressPenguin

Reviewer: GryffindorsLoneWolf

Summary: 4/5

I think this summary is good! It just needs a few touch-ups, like maybe talk less in Mina's POV and give an overall lookover. When I read the story, there weren't many mentions of the essay, a lot of it was about her life and the daily happenings. It felt more of a slice-of-life to me.

Grammar: 1/5

This really needs to be worked on. Almost every paragraph or dialogue I read had some problem with it and it bothered me a lot. Commas were where they weren't supposed to be, spelling errors here and there, and many sentences that seemed either run-onish or not a full sentence or the tense shifts (going from past tense to present). Take time to edit, don't just post the story without editing. It can make it a lot easier to read, the story will flow a lot better and the reader won't be stopping and noticing the mistakes. There are many free grammar reviewing sites out there, as well as wonderful editors on this community and site.

Character Building: 3.5/5

I'm a little conflicted here. You did well when it came to some of the dialogues, they shaped the characters very well (like with Mr. Grumpy)! But I didn't really see them, considering this story's from Mina's POV, describe to us what they're like! I don't recall seeing many descriptions aside form hair and eye color. Many of the interactions are intimate and close, so I'd expected to see more that 'his brown colored locks' or 'riverwater eyes'. Each person is different and while some were shaped very well, others were hard to imagine.

Writing Style: 3/5

There wasn't a lot of variety in the sentence style and structure. On top of the grammar mistakes and tense shifts, there was a lot of verbiage that seemed unnecessary (in the grand scheme of what I'd assumed your novel to be about) and details that didn't really fit with the book. I do suggest finding a chapter length range and stick with it. Some chapters were short and others were long. Another thing I had a problem with was when the character's would shift POVs within an area. You may have not noticed, but it happened several times, like when it'd be in Mina's POV, but then suddenly switch to Mr. Grumpy or Xavier.

Plot + Uniqueness: 4/5

I do think it'd be a great story with a lot of editing! I loved the dialogues between Mina and Mr. Grumpy (forgive me, but I'm shipping them already :P). The thought that someone who hasn't experienced love is forced to write about it in an important essay is really interesting to me! How will she figure out what love really is? Each and every character is quirky, so good job with that! I love slice-of-lifes and yours was pretty realistic.

OVERALL SCORE: 15.5/25